Lol, that sneaky little shit...

Amusing, to be sure. And I swear, if Nate worships you anymore you may need a restraining order. Ha!

Now you've got me intrigued...did Shinji just panic, or was he trying to cop a feel? I'm inclined towards the former and Asuka's somewhat filthy imagination (or projection), but still...

This would be a good story if you wrote it in four hours, not two. Great job! I think I'll have to look at your other stuff now!

Yes, I agree. You sure have a talent of like constructing a world around the reader, you let us almost feel it all happening.
This story is very intriguing and has its surprise.
And I think I did unsderstand why it is supposed to be funny but, actually, it was sad to me (maybe I'm just in a too serious mood right now). However, that is a positive thing because that means I was moved by your story.

Do you know what makes your works truly stand out?

First off, your judicious and sparing use of dialogue. Too many people forget that stories are meant to be narratives of events and not merely transcriptions of conversations.

Second, and more importantly, the sheer amount of detail you place into your descriptive passages. You somehow manage to transport readers like me into the scene itself, making us feel like actual participants in the events that are unfolding.

Tales like yours make my visits to absolutely worthwhile.

Heh. Brilliant. I actually laughed when I finished it.

o.o Okay... It's a little OOC for Shinji to trick people, methinks. Though I suppose it's not that OOC for him to realize he's in water and panic without realizing the depth...

This story is sheer win sir, sheer win.

Dear Ikarus Onesun
Alright I have two problems with this story, and I'm sure they all have to do with this being a one hour one shot.


First off you state in the story that Shinji had something slamming into his toes. This is what causes him to fall into the pull. Okay so we've got one flow idea going here.

Then you have Rei save him and Asuka does the whole 'It was all faked!' bit. Well in that time afterward you never showed what ACTUALLY hit Shinji in the toes. We have here a plot hole!

So we have two stream ideas here. One that Shinji did it on accident, another that he did it to be rescued by Rei. It doesn't mesh. It's a good story, nicely pulled off one hour one shot, but it still has incongruity problems. I may be wrong who knows but I'm basing this off of what I read.

Sincerely,


-Konous The Grey

I must be honest, I haven't read a story in a long time that kept my interest so intensively.

This is a good one shot story, I think you should keep going with it. This story would make a real good story with more chapters. There is always room for a good Shinji and Rei story.

Shinji is slick but still in need of backbone and cajones implants

Very nice. Awesome one shot. Rei is so gullible

good work.

fun.

Very nice. This is definately the longest onehour oneshot, by over 1k words. Also, definately one of the best.

I've always sort of wondered what was going on in Shinji's head during this scene. You've shown that and extended it a bit more, giving reasons to why they were there and what could've happened afterwards.

You had me worried you were bitchifying Asuka for a bit, but the end really made it clear that you weren't. Hilarious too. It fits into all three of their characteristics.

Awesome work for an hour. Highly recommended.

EvSoc Reviewer: Himonky