Wow, I read this and felt, saw, touched and wished.
You started a wonderful story, I look forward to reading more and see where your imagination takes us.
Thanks for sharing this with us all.

Keep it up. Great story.

Wow, what isn't he telling her? And what the heck is Brody even doing there?

Very cool, and groovy chapter. Keep smiling. :-)

I like chapter 8 not much happened but enough to explain a few things. I like the whole room mystery thing going on, thats cool. I think it funny after what Brody did to the fairy one of them helped him find the door. Well looking forward to more chapters.

First off I think your story is great. I like the first part, the little part with him right before he asked her to give in. Where he says she is growing up and that he wont be able to come back to her for much longer. That she will forget him and that she says she could never foget him. They were both being honest with each other.I felt there heart were becomeing one even for just a second they were being honest with one another. I like that.

There are a couple parts you could add into make it a little bit more challenging. Little confused about the bridge braking or falling apart. The stuck fence I get but little confused. I do like the whole her getting out of the water and feeling a warm breeze. I was shocked and laughed, if she only knew where that warm breeze came from. I almost thought Jareth would show up and she would have to cover herself. Also it makes me think she doesn't wear underwear or a bra. Come on. Also this just hit me but she most know some self defiance, if she isn't worried about sneaking into a park at night which she knows people tend to sneak into to do the nasty.

The part where you had him brake the glass then sweep it up and look at it then brake it again. Why? I know he was thinking about what to do with the kid but he didn't need to bring the glass sphere back. He could of just looked back at it on the ground and it would of had the same affect. With him smiling evilly and then disappearing into the owl form. I do like that you didn't go with the whole rape and then Jareth comes to the rescue thing. That is so over played. I do like that Brody saved her and helped her out. Thats one tough kid. That she wanted to talk him out of murder.

You have made me cry like 2 time so far. Every time Sarah admits she loves Jareth. I like that you make him cruel but sometime so cruel that its hard for me to think that Sarah could ever love him. You make her be defying him but she gives in way to soon to him when there back in the Labyrinth. The whole thing about keeping her in a small dirty room and with boring books. If Jareth watches her and loves her he would of given her some things she liked.Is that his room? Is he like sleeping on the ground? I hope not big castle like that and thats his room. I only say that because of the locked trunk. Wouldn't he give her something she liked? Also did she like pass out after they got there? I almost thought she woke up in his bed chambers and she was about to roll over and touch him. Him smiling at her and saying good morning love. Then she screams and falls off the bed. Or just have him in the room like you did was cool. Of course he would say it was a wonderful night but deep down nothing truely happened she was so tired from everything and the journey to the underground, for older people can be like jet lag she just passed out.

The part I love is when she tells him he may have her body but not her soul ect. That he returns with the comment about oh he owns it all. That he can make her do whatever he wants her to do. I think when he leaves she should get right back up ( I thought throwing her to the ground was a little harsh) and sit down and say quietly "No Goblin King it is you who is mistaken, you can do all those things to me like you said but deep down we both know that it would be a lie." Something like that. I want her to piss him off a little show him she really can take care of herself.Maybe looks some laws up in those dusty old books he left in the room. She can't be kept in that room forever. Maybe have her life in the goblin city. Work with the others. She start a work force. I don't know it just sounds cool.

I like that she admits to him she loves him and he kisses her like all over. I realize he didn't answer her or feel bad about the comment she said. 'Why do I love a man who hurts my family and lies to me?' He should prove to her that he can be kind. That he is not always cruel.Maybe he starts to feel a little guilty for what he did. That it takes time. she had never been in a relationship before and doesn't know how to express herself or what to say to him. As for him the same thing and that he has never felt this way for a woman before. That he maybe going by it the wrong way. I think he is so sexy and desirable when he shows his softer side. The whole dance and dress thing was kind of odd. I really don't think she would be happy and fall into his arms go dancing with him.. Also about not eating for over a week. I think she would of pass out when she started to dance. Enough about them to Brody.

I like Brody's character a lot there is a lot you can do with him. I think its great he's in the Labyrinth and hope he does more growing. Possibly stays in the labyrinth and Sarah and him become great friends.You know put the past in the past. Hey through a love interest in for him possibly. I kind of think Jareth did it on purpose to give the kid a purpose in life. He knew the kid needed it. Maybe make him head of security for the castle. No he's your character. Infact there all your own characters. I just really like your story. Just don't put things in that would lead to a story and then it doesn't. That can happen sometimes.

I really like your story and I will put it on my alerts to see what happens next. I like the mystery you left with her looking for her friends in the labyrinth. That we don't know if she escaped with out Jareth's permission or not. I also like that you left Brody with the book headed towards the maze. I like that you made Jareth look old and tired. That maybe he used a lot up to impress Sarah or whatever it might mean? I am just guessing. He could be dieing and she needs to find a way to save him.

So I hope you take this as just someone review and liking your story. I don't want to come off mean and its just advice you don't have to take it. I just wanted to comment.

Thank you for your time and sorry its so long.

What will happen with Brody? and what was wrong with Jareth before? Did it have anything to do with Brody?

probably already been told this but her last name isn't wilson its williams. Also it's sir dimmyus *er I can't spell*, lacelot is her teddybear.

I am very confused. Chapter 6 was nice, but has nothing to do with chapter 7. Why is she looking for Lancelot and not Sir Didymous? over all, just very confusing.

What is she going to do now?

Hoogle
Sir Didymus

This chapter is very interesting, and very cool. Keep smiling. :-)

Well...now I am most curious!

SVSD

Awe awsome plesae update soon? ^_^

Um.. you had a bunch of weird word characters in this post, especially around the dialouge. Also your description is pretty threadbare. One ballroom cannot possibly hold all the magical creatures ever imagined, and there are slight differences in common ones. Describe at least five in your next post. Also Sarah's feelings for Jareth could not have changed so quickly. Try to transition that more. Till the next post...

I'm not on my home computer, but, about a third of your text isn't in English. It is **something**. Go and check it out. Very weird.

Until again.