Hi, I love you.

Ok... I'm a big fan of Joanne Harris. I love her stuff, all that I've read, and I've read nearly all of it. Somehow, though, you're right. Food, France, homecoming, the past, and stupid secondary characters do seem somewhat recurrent in her books...

I don't care, I love her anyway.

As a writer, though, this was a valuable lesson on how not to get stuck using the same themes. Thank you for that.

Very funny but also extremely well written. Just one gripe and there are more people than yourself who do it... could you please drop the "mwhahhha" stuff, I hate words being distorted, I'd rather see something like (evil sniggering laugh) but hey, that's just my opinion. Apart from that, keep up the good work.

i love you.

i figured i'd just go ahead and say it because otherwise i was gonna ramble about Harris and how much this made me giggle etc etc etc. so. yes. perfect.

Hahahahaha, I love Joanne Harris, but this is so true! It does go on and on about food. And (being the stupid American I am) it gets annoying when all the random French words are thrown in without explination.

Best lines:

"And I ravage the thesaurus until it screams for mercy."

"I could spin out this gushing foodie rhapsody all day. And, knowing Joanne Harris, I probably will."

"Because I am Ruthless. And because it's fun."

"I have a thousand names."

"If so, they will be the sort of French villagers who can manage marvellously-complicated grammatical structures in English, but forget basic English words such as "Hello". "

Great job, and keep writing!

ha ha! :)

Omg this is so genius! I love (most of) Joanne Harris, and this is marvellous and completely true, hah! Well done on an awesome parody. I think the reason people (me included) love her work is that we're so used to the plot - and, well, it works! Thanks for sharing this, I laughed like a drain :D

Mua-hah-hah. I love you. I just finished rereading Blackberry Wine, and this is the best sendup of her I have ever read in my life. In fact, the best sendup of anything.

Why is this happening to me?

Because I am Ruthless. And because it's fun

Again. Mwa-hah-hah.

That was quite amusing and a good concept for a satire but I can't say I liked it overly much. It made me grin at times (who couldn't love the "And I ravage the thesaurus until it screams for mercy." line?) but perhaps I'm just not in the mood after reading a couple of Joanne Harris books that I fell in love with.

I have to ask: how many of Harris' books have you actually read? I'm guessing, 'Chocolat', 'Five Quarters of the Orange', ‘Holy Fools’ and possible 'Coastliners'?

I do sort of see what you’re getting at in this but having quite extensively read her work recently I have to plead her case. She does write different stuff and even when writing vaguely to this formula I think she’s awesome and so do quite a lot of fans across the world. Yep, this is a long-winded way of me saying I think your wrong but this is only a satire so I won't waste anymore time being silly and argumentative. I like Joanne Harris and you don’t. :P

Maybe you should try reading ‘Sleep Pale Sister’, 'Gentlemen and Players' or 'The Evil Seed'? I recommend 'The Evil Seed' - it's her first novel and VERY different from what you’ve got here. So there. ;)

Damsel

PS. No hard feeling, eh?

And I ravage the thesaurus until it screams for mercy.

Oh I LOVE you, this made me lol so much. Just finished reading Holy Fools and have read Chocolat in the past so couldn't help picking up on some... ahem *similarities* to the two novels.

No joke, I really enjoyed Holy Fools but is has to be taken with a pinch of salt. Great parody, really sharp - and nicely written which is also good to read. :)

Think I will save her other books for beach reading as they all seem to run in the same way.

And I don't know who's spreading gossip about me and threatening That Which I Hold Most Dear, but someone is.

I wonder who?

That would be me.

(Can't remember if FFN uses [ or for html so sorry if this looks screwed up and doesn't italicise properly)

"And I ravage the thesaurus until it screams for mercy."

Yes, this most definitely made my day. ]

I guess if I can't have flattery, I ought to be happy with pastiche, huh? :-) Nice work, dude. Oh, and by the way, I don't own a thesauraus.

Reviewer:

Hi, I am the Reviewer. It is my lot in life to inform you, the Author, of how I laughed aloud several times while reading your humorous bit of fanfic. Perhaps I shall write, in lengthy portions of prose, of how many points of your parody resonated with me - adding that I had recently read one of Ms. Harris' novels ('Chocolat') with surprise to find it so much different in tone than that happy Hollywood version with which I was familiar. Hoping to prove myself a witty and outstanding Reviewer, I shall probably frame my comments in a style honoring the original story - without recourse to all the 'LOLs' and smiley-faced emoticons that flourish in many other reviews.

This is one of the best parodies I have ever read. I liked how you switched between the Lead and the Antagonist. It was very funny and it described the food thing very well. I liked the rhertorical questions bit. Good story!

this is satire at its very very finest. gee, you do a wonderful job. i actually really like joanne harris, but you have nailed it perfectly in this. i was laughing out loud! :) bravo!