|Reviews for Children of Aiur|
| CrystalCipher 1/9/09 . chapter 12
I like it! :D
and here's a warning UPDATE OR ILL DO NASTY STUFF TO YOURE DISH WASHER!
| Hawki 12/7/08 . chapter 12
For someone who's supposedly had a horrible time writing, the chapter doesn't reflect it. Anyway, good chapter overall. The only 'fault' (and this is subjective) is that the sections felt a bit short. Still conveyed a meaningful impact and the chapter itself flowed well, but after going through each section, one tends to notice the length, or lack of it. Still, that's just me.
As per said analysis:
-"The dark one shall do. His sword arm is strong enough, and his mind is free. We will accept him. He is one of us. He will help us."
I assume that Ji'e'toh is the "dark one". One arm of his is going to be distinct when compared to the other, and it's not unreasonable to assume that protoss aren't universally ambidextrous. On the other hand, while the ability to use a sword fits in with Purity of Form, a free mind seems to defy the concept of Purity of Essence...
Of course, this is assuming that "we" refers to the hybrids...
-On the other hand, Ji'e'toh seems rather perceptive in an interesting way. Regardless, nice interaction.
-“Hmm? Oh, nothing.” Ji'e'toh was gingerly crossing his legs, wincing slightly at every movement. This was all very fascinating to Danial, who was bewildered by the tactical maneuvering required for protoss leg-crossing.
Heh, considering that protoss legs seemingly bend backwards below the knee, this would be...interesting. Good thing they're both of the same gender. Regardless, nice touch (no pun intended. Really).
-Good 'interogation' session with Duran overall. Can't fault it.
-"We hear a voice calling in the silence of the void. It is crying through time, and only demons listen. They shall burn for their crimes. They will not predict us; we are invisible We are death incarnate."
Hmm...interesting (yes, this is me being all scientifical, if that even is a word). Zamara mentions in 'Firstborn' how the "waters of time" are seemingly polluted by an eternal cycle, and this cry seems to be linked. Perhaps it is the xel'naga crying, for they possessed the ability to travel through the Void, and the hybrids are the demons, punishing the protoss and zerg for their crimes, how they both turned on them and in the case of the zerg, nearly wiped them out. And Sasha seems to hear it...
Not sure why the last "We" is capitalized though...
Anyway, that's just a hypothetical ramble. Woot.
-Moving on from said analysis and into the bellow section, good interaction, mainly between Valk and Ji'e'toh. Not sure who to sympathize with more.
-'Interesting' account from our favourite dark templar. He claims to be on Aiur a year ago when the Overmind was destroyed, yet as Raynor is still leading the Raiders, this must still be a few months after the Brood War at the most, or at least within 2501, else he'd be with the Alliance. Yet the destruction of the Overmind wasn't that long ago, unless he's referring to "last year" as "a year ago" as a relative period of time rather than an absolute measure of time for approximatly twelve months (hey, I said I'd analysed the sections!)
-..."Anyhow, we were part of that... somehow.”
"Anyhow" is a term I'm familiar with as a glib alternative to "anyway." However, as "somehow" comes at the end of the sentence, it sets up a bit of a rhyme that disrupts the flow of the dialogue/monologue rather than adds to it.
-Yes, I noticed that the "request" to review is right above the new location of the review link rather than keeping in with a left allignment. Subtle...
| starspawn07 11/27/08 . chapter 12
hm, been a while since I last visited this site.
Your story is the first one I look up after all these months.
seems Danial n gang are getting along very well.
time for the next shocking scene ;)
Keep up the well thought out developments.
Take your time but do update :)
| Samateus1987 11/26/08 . chapter 12
"We are death incarnate."
My dear gods, you m'dear, do not cease to astound. This is getting more and more interesting, and I adore how easily Ji'e'Toh is fitting in. Well, if 'easy' would be the right word. XD
Bree does seem very 'brain dead' at times, but still a favorite.
Poor Valk, putting up with all zhis shit. .
and Danial, ever the watchful babysitter, for a silent, killer hybrid baby. What next?
Oh right, I had forgotten about dear Crow, I look forward to finding out what happens with the little blackbird, and who it was who is attempting to help him. A parasite? Or another sentient mind perhaps?
| cHr0n0sPh3r3 11/24/08 . chapter 12
Nice keep writing it intrigues me
| Senteth 11/24/08 . chapter 12
"Sasha appeared to be tiring, as she curled up against him and blinked heavily, her eyelids low. After a moment, her zerg mouth formed and her fangs closed gently around one of his fingers. The gesture was so mammalian, so childish, that Danial could not hope to misinterpret it as anything other than a variant of thumb-sucking."
I think in this chapter Sasha has just surpassed Kay in disturbed cuteness. O-O
Very interesting revelation with Bree here, especially in light of the fact that she could see Sasha's psionic illusions near the beginning of the story. Perhaps her mind isn't as impermeable as everyone thinks it is, or perhaps Sasha is simply powerful enough to roll right past Bree's defenses. In light of what's going on, I'd imagine it's the latter.
| Kinar Shadeslayer 11/23/08 . chapter 12
I felt obligated to review. Not from you of course *Cough *cough* *glances around* *Cough* *cough*
So far my theory remains unproved, and will probably become Ephemeral. (I like that word) Could still apply though . . maybe . . just maybe.
Ji'e'toh seems like a very likable, oh who am I kidding. He is a bad-a$$ character, my sympathies to him for the groin to knee action he found. Sasha, still as mysterious as ever. I bet you she probably could speak, but has remained mute for a reason!
Also nice wish the italics whenever Ji'e'toh speaks. Making the guy self-concious at every shot. (Although seriously, one of the few Authors that I see do that. Its surprising actually)
Still incredibly well written story, now update again. Seriously. I know you have another chapter in there. In that brain of yours . . wish I was a Protoss. Then I could read your mind and know the story. It would be excellent.
On another note, I discovered a mistake! *gasp*
"Danial lifted a 'brown' and then shrugged." :O I think i can forgive you for that however.
| Deculture 11/16/08 . chapter 11
man, this story is awesome. interesting characters and an even more intriging plot. definitely one of the better Starcraft fics here. cant wait for more!
| Samateus1987 11/12/08 . chapter 11
I must say, this story gets better and better. Your comic relief portions take the serious edge off, and I adore your views on the Protoss. I am falling in love with Kay and Sasha, and the explanation of Ji'e'toh's origins is something I look forward to.
Awesome work, as always m'dear. I look forward to more, as this is getting too good for the wait. *clings* Don't leave us!
(Oh, and the Silent Hill bit is EPIC. I can just imagine Sasha dressing up as chibi!pyramidhead and following 'toh around. XD)
| Senteth 11/11/08 . chapter 11
-gasp- Story necromancery!
Thank you for updating! I've been checking the Starcraft section every couple days since your previous update hoping for more of this story.
I almost wonder if Crow and Ji'e'toh are two different protoss, or if they are actually the same and Ji'e'toh is lying about having been experimented on by humans... Time will tell.
And speaking of Ji'e'toh, ow. _ I know he was drunk at the time and wasn't using his warp blades, but still, I'd guess that not many Dark Templar can say that they'd ever been crushingly defeated in combat by an unarmed human female. If Ji'e'toh decides to stay around for a while longer, Bree or Daniel should probably tease him about it. _
Sasha is such a creepy little angel sometimes...
| Hawki 11/10/08 . chapter 11
Finally, more proof that you're not dead ;)
That being said however, the story starts off weird. The assertion that protoss have two hearts aside the timing of events seems to be stretching things-taking place after Dark Origin, but before the battle at Char Aleph, Duran apparantly disapearing between the two. I would have generally assumed that he disapeared after Zeratul killed Raszagal, as popping off to the Dark Moon and then back again for an experiment on Aiur seems to be a tight timetable.
-The following section has some alternation of capitalization, with "zerg" being written as such originally and then being capitalized later. "Protoss" also has some alternation. Still, interesting overall. I can't help but wonder if Ji'e'toh is simply a master of manipulation. He claims hatred of the zerg with a passion despite the alcohol within him, yet is capable of switching to the role of sychophant when the time suits him. For a creature that's supposed to be drunk, that's a pretty quick change...
-"Clutched in her hand was a beautifully carved Khaydarin amulets"
I assume that "amulets" is meant to be "amulet".
Kind of a short section between the protoss, at least when compared to the other ones of the chapter. Still, good one just the same.
-Following section was short too for that matter, but as it was the last section of the chapter, the shortness was not so jarring. Interesting interaction to say the least, considering Bree's actions, Daniel's tenseness and the fact that we now know that Ji'e'toh seemingly has traits of manhood in the same place that human males do. Keeping in mind that the mechanic can see past Ji'e'toh's traits and Daniel's single fatherhood, things could get...interesting.
Anyway, good job just the same.
| warhammerlover 11/10/08 . chapter 11
Great job, hope to read the next chapter as soon as it gets out. I have no idea where this is going but it is interesting.
| cHr0n0sPh3r3 11/9/08 . chapter 11
Nice story finally update why don't you? i was wondering why a dark templar has a freaking Zerg arm!
| Samateus 10/15/08 . chapter 1
Stunning. Sadly, I'm not a woman of many words, however, I truly appreciate this well written fic. You write the Protoss beautifully, and your silent hill/resident evil-esque horror sections are wonderful! They give your mind just enough detail then the imagination can go off in a million different directions!
A drunken Protoss! Hilarious!
Artanis and Dan are turning into wonderful Fathers, although the internal war Artanis is waging with himself is something to truly think on.
I find nothing wrong with this fic, save for the occasional grammar or spelling mistake. No one is perfect, and it keeps on on their toes.
Sasha is wonderful, and I feel so sorry for Kay.
Again, wonderfully written, and I cannot wait to read more!
| Senteth 9/30/08 . chapter 10
Need... More... *eye twitches*