*claps hands delightedly*

oh but now... you have 8 years to catch up on! There are so many more plot dartboards to pin with your dagger of wit! I could try to list them all here, but I fear I'd spend so long at it I'd kick the bucket first! Rather inconvenient, I'm sure you agree. Of course on the upside I'd get a lovely sparkly set of wings... or shiny new horns, depending, if you share the opinions of the general public. However, on the downside I have yet to come up with enough insults with which I'm satisfied, not to mention a layer with a suitably annoying voice as he informs my relatives that no, they dont get a penny, but a sizeable donation to my new J/S charity would be much appreciated. I do love the taste of irony in the morning.

I've just read your three essays (what? You think I started on the third one?) and found them quite amusing. Should I venture into writing Labyrinth fanfic, I'll try not to fall into those pitfalls. Though as always - execution can save many overdone ideas. (Sharpening of blade in background) Not *that* kind of execution! I meant...if it's well-written...

"For one, whenever Jareth is masquerading in the Aboveground for whatever reason, he must pull his hair back into a ponytail."

- Ye gods! I hate that one.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you 'INFD' "

- and this one too, although I've probably done it at least ONCE. But saying it over and over? Stupid.

Of course this also correlates with a Sarah AFTER THE ADVENTURE still acting like the child she was before, even though she's clearly shown in the movie - and the book - as having matured a bit.

Um.

Hm.

You are hilarious. No, really.

I think I love this essay, in fact, I'll reread it and all your other ones. In fact, I'm gonna go read everything you write. :) your vocabulary astounds me. I'm happy now. Thank you.

your number fifteen and sixteen are switched.

Now that my awful ocd-ness is overwith, brilliant lecture/essay (cam you have a lecture in writing? Does a lecture have to be spoken? What is a lecture if it is not spoken? Does it then become an essay? Aren't there diffrences between lectures and essays other then one is verbal and the other is not?)

I just found these three little lists... I don't know WHY it took so long.

I have just one thing to say. Well, really I have more than one thing to say, but that's besides the point.

I LOVE YOU.

You are awesome. Finally, somebody wrote down a list of all the horrible things people do to the Goblin King/The Labyrinth in general. I want to thank you PROFUSELY.

damn.

as much as i suffer from the things you've described (though not in a strictly labyrinthine enviroment) i must admit i find this bloody hilarious, despite it's not being so.

s'pretty sad, really. eh. wai , wai, see my cry.

anyways, nice to see someone finally facing all this [censored] (following your example), and artfully making fun of it.

still trying not to break into hysterical giggles,

nuke

1. Oh my friggin' a$$! Yes! The Ponytail! Who in Gods name got THAT started? Everytime I read a sentence like that I'm like 'but he doesn't have ENOUGH hair for that.'
2. Ah yes. The 'INFD' I'm glad I'm not the only one to notice that, even though I admit a few writers have taken that phrase and made it work. As in..Jareth gets a 'tad' upset if SHE evens utter it.
3. I think I am understanding the nature of the 'MarySue', something I never experienced UNTIL I started reading Labyrinth f/fictions.
Ah well...loved your constructive sarc..*ahem*insights. :-)

I just went through the comments of this one (after all, I do have other things to do then go through all of the others as well - well no I don't, but you don't have to know, right?) and I noticed some things that weren't mentioned by anyone else:
My biggest complain is about Jareth being a Fae, and not only a fae but the High Prince as well. Now don't get me wrong, there were some REALLY nice stories that were written based on that assumption, I am just saying that if you're going to go with it, why does it have to be Jareth? From all I understand, the Goblin Kingdom is by far not the most pleasant one - why would the High King and Queen stuck their (only) heir in such a disgusting place?
Or how about the clishe of Sarah being a virgin at the age of above 21? (any age above 21 is pretty absurd, the higher the worse).
Or Jareth spying on Sarah while being depressed and unable to come to her without her calling to him - if he could see her in the park before she called him, he don't need someone to wish someone away to come to 'our world' (who ever said the underground was another world anyway?)
And last of all to all those 'Jareth works in his study in the castle looking at *important* documents' - in the movie the most 'honorable kingly act' he does is sit on the trone - and we all know in what pose THAT was done...
But of course all this said.. just go to my favorite stories list and see that at least half of them have those clishes (or others). I'm just saying that there are other ways, that's all

More, more, more! These are so god!

Here's one: The romance is going peachy and then an evil guy kidnaps Sarah to get revenge on Jareth. They're /everywhere/!

Love the footnotes ; )

Wow...well, after seeing Inimitability I, II, and III on numerous "fav story" lists I had to see what it was all about. I must say you did a very good job. Unfortunately such wonderously stagnant plot lines do not limit themselves to just the labyrinth. EVERY OTHER FANFICTION UNIVERSE HAS THEM. Sad...really. I was pondering over the-other-person-interrupting-peaches-and-cream-moment and the fact that it is always a girl who wants Jareth and a guy who craves Sarah/Mary Sue...now...considering Jareth's build and stylistic choices...why not have it be the other way...girl want Sarah? man wants Jareth? It would certainly throw me for a loop...Labyrinth fiction lacks the rampant slash other fiction has...Oh my...I've been watching Velvet Goldmine too much. Well. Thanks for the entertainment and Cheers!

Thank you! Finally someone got smart enough to say they are not tights! I was trying to say that on the Laby mailing list and no one would give up there evil ways. Now there not even called tights in fun anymore, people think the real term for them is tights! I know very well that back in the olden days paints like his were consitered fashionable, the tighter the better in young gentlemen...

Anyway, things that bug me in Laby fic in over used plots (I would go into detail but I'll sure you can and know what I'm talking about)

1. Stories that take place 4-6-10-20 (pick a number, any number!) after the movie.

2. Sarah's daughter and her friend Mary Sue wish themselfs to the Laby..

3. Jareth personally have changed to that of ice years far that movie an he is talking to a lovely lady\fae\unicorn about his love\lack of love for Sarah. He wants to win her back\kill her.

4. Jareth has a brother that looks like him called (Blank)

5. Sarah is near death and her last thought is of ..who else?

6. And plot that has to do with an insane asylum..

7. The author of the Laby fic (blank)is talking with her muse\Jareth is her muse\Jareth comes to vist her when she has writer's block.

8. "A group of Listains are wished\wish themselfs into the Laby and must now solve it"

9. Any humor story with tights\makeup\tutus AAARRG!

10. "I rote tis when I was hiper and had too much Moutain Dew Funny Please R\R"

I look forward to your next essay, Please come and read my Laby fics if you have a moment one day. I hope you will find them to be a breath of fresh air:)

*laughs* I am now determined to write something original. Starting with a new place to dump irritating subjects. Oo oo ooh! Another cliche? With both Jareth and Sarah's clothing, they are *always* wearing "poet's shirts", whatever those are. I refrain from using those, because of my lack of knowledge. You know, I'm kinda happy about my newest story. Although it *does* have the "staring-into-the-mirror-miserably" part, Sarah gets what's coming to her. Her friends abandon her, Jareth kicks her while she's down, and she takes it like the twit she is! HA! *ducks her head* Oops. Well...uhh...errrhh. Nevermind. Well... *laughs* I probably have cliched in my story, since I *have* noticed my earlier-contributed cliche of the mocking/evil/cruel grin/smirk/smile to appear quite often...but how else is Jareth supposed to look when he tells Sarah that she can't have him, he doesn't want her, and that she is a God-awful fool? Wow...I started out disliking my story, because it's so mean, but after reading your essays, I'm starting to like it a lot more.

Oh, and a cliche with the Author's Notes, that you kinda hit on in your first essay. Everyone either 1.) acts like a teeny-bopper in their notes, because they just *know* that no one will flame them, our community is too close-knit. Flames are the stuff of myth, really. No one could *ever* hate any Labyrinth fanfiction. Personally, I am too polite to flame. I just bite my tongue and don't review. Or they 2.)Are sooo modest, 'cause, gee, I really hope you like my story. Please, R/R because I need reassurance that I don't *totally* suck. Even if 200 people have left reviews on their previous stories, saying how wonderful each one of them was.

And something else with chaptered stories... CLIFFHANGERS! Esp. those of the sucky genre. Like "Sarah looked into Jareth's face, and with her last breath said... Stay tuned for the next chapter!" *shudders* First of all, these stories usually aren't very good anyway, and then they go and say "I put this cliffhanger just to make all of you other authors suffer since you leave me hanging!" *deadpan* We suffer more trying to find an identifiable plot. I myself am guilty of that one, but not in this fandom. And I did finish that story.

Oh, and people, PLEASE! Get a Beta reader! Or at least use spell/grammar check! Yikes, if I have to read one more story about Jareht and Sarha, who live in the Udnergournd, and think of tihgts in the nihgt, and of cyrstals and obliets, or oubleits, or oobliets. Argh! There is one way to spell those words! Get it right! Once I can understand, two I can forgive. But when you come up with five different ways to spell "Jareth" and every one of them wrong, I get pretty pissed. Okay, I think that is all the ranting I have to do for now. Nope, it's not, but I will not continue.

Two points. One: I am now utterly determined to write a story that follows absolutely none of your sterotypes listed here. (And I can do it, too. _) Two: What the fark does 'inimitability' mean? I'm blond, and too lazy to look it up. Work with me here.

I *do* look forward to these essays of yours. Here's one for you - how come Sarah's room in the Labyrinth *always* has a fitted modern bathroom? There's no evidence anywhere in the film to suggest that the castle is plumbed in..;) (So I put a medieval guarderobe in my latest story, much to Sarah's disgust.. Mwahahahaha!)