Fantastically writen. Although I think Ranma jumping the gun and asking to marry Kasumi straight away might not be too logical. I'm not a big believer in instant love, and I believe Ranma and Kasumi would have to have a few secret dates to solidify their love rather than have one secret confession covering it all.

Nevertheless, execution was good. And what the hell do I know anyway, I never had a girlfriend. :)

Good job.

Nice story! You have done it in the finest tradition of Ranma-Kasumi matchings that I like. This story was written in the same style as 'What's wrong with this picture?', 'Aijou & Aitou', 'one trick pony' ... three other fanfics that I like except that they are more extensive and detailed than this one.

Please continue!

aw, so waffy. I have a thing for a none-Akane, Tendo pairing. However, given the amount of contrast these two characters at this point in the manga, it seems a little bit unbelivable. As most of the none-Akane, Tendo pairing takes place at a time either before the meeting, during a critical time in which it can be switch and/or after the wedding fiasco in which time is allowed for Akane and Ranma to grow more and more apart. However, it is a saccharin story nonetheless. Good job.

different. Rather condensed, though. I can picture a Kasumi/Ranma pairing; however, the details in between are lacking. And giving her a ring meant for her sister is, to me, a bit demeaning to Kasumi.

Damned good first effort, however.

Short, to the point and really cute!
I like.
(OK... As I have a thing for Ranma-Kasumi fics, it was a given...)
I knew it was her here: "You wouldn’t believe how many love potions and other such things I have prevented from reaching you inside this house."
Before that, it could have been Nabiki.
Kasumi was the only one that could have done that without Ranma knowing. If Nabiki had tried, the other girls would have loudly argued and he would have known.
If you intend to write other Ranma-non fiancée, I'll be sure to try them.

Your story is not badly written, but I wouldn't exactly say it's believable either, given the way the Ranma cast is built up at this point in the series.

I don't mean to completely discredit your story, but in all honesty you can't just explain away these two huge character contrasts in less than a thousand words and keep it believable.

For instance, instead of his usual stuttering self, Ranma's turned into a romantic who knows just what to do and say to Kasumi. Kasumi herself is no longer the "in the background" maid type character but rather a fair maiden mourning over lost love. Not to mention she probably wouldn't be kissing Ranma's uncouncious form either.

For a first time fanfic its not entirely un-believeable, but good proper characterization takes work, and the changes we see in the characters here are a little too drastic for a mere one shot.

However, I am here not only to critique but also to help.

Suggestion #1- The Slide Show: Don't just show the wedding scene climax, show slides of Kasumi's life, looking at Ranma as she slowly grows to love him in secret, having it climax at the failed wedding.

Suggestion #2- Outside Influences: Usually the most common catalyst for this kind of intervention is the influence of alchohol. Not anything drastic, just something that would justify her current characterization.

What you do with this story is ultimately up to you, and since its a one-shot you probably aren't going to go out of your way to drastically change it, but mayhap you can file this away for later use.

Finally, do not let this discourage you. This isn't a flame, its constructive criticism. As much as you might like a review saying "good job" or "great story" those will not help you become a better writer. I hope that you continue to write and continue to improve your writing.

Sincerely,

ClanCrusher

Head of the Fanfiction Reviewers Academy

Good story< Please continue to UPDATE!!

I dunno...giving her a ring that's sized for Akane? How would she put it on her ring finger right then and there if it were too small?

I don't see Kasumi tackling Ranma and giving him a kiss. Shampoo probably.