Well, first off I'm going to say: WOW! This was so good. I'm very impressed with how you described everything in such detail, and without any dialouge. I think my favorite part was in Chapter 2, where Tseng, Rude, and Elena are thinking.

This story was so sad, and it didn't help that I had an excellent mental image from all your details. Very nicely done!

This is very difficult to review. You said you spent six months on it—it shows. It's easy to review a story filled with faults, to point out the errors, and to help the author. But how to leave a satisfying five-minute review on a story that is beyond the level of the reviewer? You've left this reviewer with nothing to say. But don't the best things in life tend to leave us speechless?

Technicalities:

Chapter 1 - Paragraph 3: >>They were [scattered?]
Chapter 1 - Paragraph 3: >>to create a symphony of [aguish or anguish?].
Chapter 1 - Paragraph 4: >>eyelids [too] heavy to open
Chapter 3 - Paragraph 3: >>Eyes that, at once, [had?] seen too much

There seem to be a few errors in punctuation (missing dashes mainly, perhaps commas), but I couldn't be sure of it since my punctuation is awful.

Question:
Chapter 2 - Paragraph 1: >>Cerulean eyes watered
I inferred that this person was Elena (in the next paragraph Tseng and in the next Rude), but Elena has brownish/golden eyes. Is this meant to be someone else?

Favourite lines:

>>… the soul that had always been surrounded in darkness yet still shone brightly.

>>The white devoured the blue green, the dark presence faded taking with it the only light that mattered.

>>The shadow stretched, as the four walked away from the place they had visited many times before, reminding each of them of their own fate.

A shame that this story would get lost among the many "LOL i wrte dis stpry inclasz 2dai NOFLAMES!"

Hmm, perhaps some time I should try that challenge.

My,

Thats brilliant, I don't care about how short it is, I loved this piece.