this is really good. i especially loved shinji's mumbling. =)

That was a very nice concept and you portrayed it nicely too. ^-^ I liked the conversation between Chitose and Shinji. It was a wonderful read. Well, I like reading stories like these anyway. ^-^

I noticed a few grammar mistakes, but they were very minimal. You sometimes shift from past to present, and use 'then' when you should be using 'than'. Anyway, aside from that, the was nicely done.. ^-^

Good job!

That was really nicely written, I think. >.> I've totally forgotten how to characterize Fudomine. Meh. I do love your entire conversation, though.

Meaning that I loved your fic. ^-^