Reviews for Blood Line - FanFiction.Net

Reviews For: Blood Line - Reviews: Page 1 of 2

Potatoes and Cheetos 2008-01-25 ch 2,	abuseWhile your grammar/spelling/punctuation mistakes aren't the worst I've ever seen, they are still noticeable. Please proofread better or get a beta. In addition to that please learn how to write better. PLEASE.
riseofafallenangel 2007-12-06 ch 2,	abuseok, few things which make me laugh here. 1) you deleted the flame rising comment. we all know flames aren't nice to get but deleting them doesn't mean that all your feedback has suddenly become positive. 2) All the people smashing flame rising for flaming when you can pretty much guartantee he isn't reading this anymore (well come on, what is it like 60 flames now? He can't have time to go back to the old ones. i know i wouldn't bother) and saying to block him (won't work). 3) that there's actually a HSM fandom. Each to their own i guess. 4) I came onto his story through flame rising's c2 hoping for a laugh and i didn't get one cos this is nowhere near as bad as i was expecting... damn. There's definately some typos, grammar stuff etc but overall its really not too tragic. you probably didn't get to the end of this and therefore i'm probably gonna get done for joining the flaming crew... oh well
Cascading Waterfall 2007-11-19 ch 1,	abuseThe dialogue needs to be separated from person to person. Also some minor spelling and grammatical errors need to be fixed (May I kindly suggest a beta?). All in all it's not a bad story and I suggest you ignore the flames. If someone doesn't have the time you write up an actual flame and just copy and pastes a previous flame, what makes you think he/she actually read the story? Keep on writing! Cascading Waterfall
Sailor Star Mars 2007-11-03 ch 1,	abusethis story makes no sense whatsoever
Anonnie Mouse 2007-08-20 ch 1,	abuseFlame Rising is a Troll, put him/her on your block list: 1223755 That's the userID, if you don't know what a troll is, search 'forum' on wikipedia. (P.S I GOT THE SAME FLAME)
Issylt 2007-07-30 ch 2,	abuseCool cool cool! Great work, except for a few punctuation errors. And please don't listen to that insane nut Flame Rising who thinks that EVERY story, no matter how good, is always pathetic. Just ignore him... AND UPDATE SOON!
Unlove You 2007-07-12 ch 2,	abuseLol I can't wait for the brotherly rivalry in this fanfic hehe I love this fanfic already!
Sami 8D 2007-07-05 ch 1,	abuseCool story! Hey Flame Rising: Anyone who says "s.h.i.t" THAT much, must be pretty full of it themselves... How's that workin' out for ya?
Corbin's Girl 2007-07-01 ch 2,	abuseGreat chappie! Update soon!
Stessa 2007-07-01 ch 2,	abuseWow! It's so great he asked her out! Yay! I can't wait for the next chapter.
Stessa 2007-06-25 ch 1,	abuseThis seems great, please update as soon as possible =) And I love Jesse Metcalfe, he's so hot! :p
Corbin's Girl 2007-06-24 ch 1,	abuseGreat first chapter. Just make sure when you write you separate your dialouge. For Example: "I hate you!" Troy said, he jumped on the back of his brother and stayed there, they both laughed in unison. Thier father, Jack Bolton. Watched his two sons, he smirked and smiled. Gesturing his wife to come watch too. "They were so small back then, Look at them now. In years, they're going to graduate" Mrs. Bolton said, also watching and following the movements of her two sons'. Tristan was 18 and Troy was 17. Tristan was a senior while Troy was a junior, in two years they would be in thier own universities like Duke or Yale studying for the real life. Thier thoughts were inerrupted by the doorbell ringing, Mrs. Bolton walked towards the door and swung the wooden door open. Revealing a blonde petite girl wearing a pink shirt with white jogging pants holding her Ipod Make sure you spell check and also watch your capital letters and your where your sentences end. For Example: This is what you have: "I hate you!" Troy said, he jumped on the back of his brother and stayed there, they both laughed in unison. Thier father, Jack Bolton. Watched his two sons, he smirked and smiled. Gesturing his wife to come watch too, "They were so small back then, Look at them now. In years, they're going to graduate" Mrs. Bolton said, also watching and following the movements of her two sons'. Tristan was 18 and Troy was 17. This is what it should be ( I'll put the corrections in these () ): "I hate you!" Troy said, he jumped on the back of his brother and stayed there, they both laughed in unison. ( Thier father, Jack Bolton. Watched his two sons, he smirked and smiled. {In this sentence you should change 'thier to their' and after Jack Bolton take away the period and add a comma and where is says 'gesturing his wife to come watch too.' Add a 'he' in front of gesturing' and change 'gesturing' to 'gesture.' Then take away the comma and add a period.} Gesturing his wife to come watch too,) "They were so small back then, Look at them now. (In years,{ How many years will Tristan be graduating and how many years will Troy be graduating? Say something like "In a year Tristian will be graduating and in 2 years Troy will" or something like that} ) they're going to graduate" Mrs. Bolton said, also watching and following the movements of her two sons'. Tristan was 18 and Troy was 17. I'm not trying to critize you I'm just trying to help you so please don't take this the wrong way and if you do I apologize. But please update soon I can't wait to see what's going to happen.
Wel Zen is my bitch 2007-06-24 ch 1,	abuseFlame Rising, you ' coward. You really make me laugh. Fan fictions. Ah. Your life revolves around fan fictions. Ah. Fan fictions are your god, if nothing else. Ah. You're easily offended by fan fictions because fan fictions are sacred to you. Ah. I am so frickin' sorry for your no-life, fan-fiction obsessed . Ah. Please get a ' life. It really makes me wonder why your coward had to ban me from your forum, which I gotta say is the main place where people who have no life but fan fictions hope to be popular, if only in some pathetic, grammar-nazi-feel-good way. Big deal. You have good grammar. Okay, like some other 1.5 billion people in the world. Yeah, you would really stand up. Loser.
MiseryluvsDeath 2007-06-23 ch 1,	abuseSounds interesting.
Evans Mary 2007-06-23 ch 1,	abuseThat's sound So good!! I really like the idea that two brothers, two sexy brothers, fitgh each other for a girl! I hope the first chapter will come soon!!

Return to Top