FanFiction.Net - unleash your imagination
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| Mortimerscross 2008-08-01 ch 1,  | abuselove these 1 shots. |
| the-real-orihime 2008-01-07 ch 1, | abusethat was a lovely story if only it was a bit longer, but it was fun reading it! |
| Saq78642 2007-06-25 ch 1, | abuseKAWAII! ^-^ |
| ilovejuice 2007-06-25 ch 1, | abuseSince no one else has reviewed... I'll be your first. :) The overall idea of this was really cute, but everything (the paragraphs and dialogue) seemed artificial. You're giving the reader too much information in every single sentence and it seems so predictable. You also seem to have an immense amount of run on sentences and a problem with paralleling your verb tenses. e.g., "Ichigo slowly lean over," should really be: "Ichigo slowly leaned over." Finally, like any other author, you might want to reread your stories to correct the spellings of certain words. Still though, the concept of the story would have been nice. Sorry for such a lengthy review, but I hope you'll work on all that in any future stories you decide to write. |