This story was good and sweet, but your spelling needs work.

Other than that, I say you did a good job.

Write on!

i like the story but did see some spelling errors in there but overall iliked it.

Several things to say...First is, do you proofread? It's generally a good idea to do so, as it's a very simple method for the quality of a fanfiction to improve dramatically. People usually do not like seeing misspelled words and grammar throughout the piece of work. One or two really careless things might not matter, but when it's blatant, people generally get slightly annoyed and move on.

For instance, on the very first sentence, you did misspelled the word "out", as "ou". Second paragraph, last sentence. What you put, "abled", is not a word. The correct word to place in there is "able". "red eyed" should have a hyphen (red-eyed), the same with "expilot" (ex-pilot). There are many, many other misspellings placed through out the fanfic.

Punctuation. At the end of the quote, and it is not an exclamation nor question, put a comma, end quotation mark, and then a space, followed by whatever they said. Also, please place ellipses or commas when appropriate. For example, "'Huh? Um sure Ayaname.'he said..." should be "'Huh? Um...sure, Ayaname,' He said..." This problem is prevalent throughout the fanfiction.

Now for the actual writing of the fanfiction. The idea is creative, although it has been done before. The problem I personally see with this fanfic is that it is not complex enough, both conceptually and also within the writing. The writing itself holds very little excitement for me (All the spelling errors didn't help much), and I feel as if the concept could be much better. The characters are almost entirely out of character (OOC), Shinji is not so much of a forceful person you depicted him as in this fanfic, and Rei is so emotional. There has been a dramatic shift in their personalities; Rei usually displays anger in very small methods, rather than outwardly shouting. Shinji, for the most part, is afraid of confrontations like this, and therefore, in my opinion, should not be portrayed as so forceful.

As this is your second fanfic, I realize you probably do not have the experience that many other authors have. Still, I hope you take something from this review, as even the most basic concepts I've told you could get you very far.

Good luck!

Very touching story. Rei getting overly jealous about an old thing was cute. Write on.

That was pretty cute and I saw alot of potential in this fic. The one problem though is maybe you need to flesh out the story a little more and I have one question. How did Rei find out about Asuka and Shinji kissing? How about Asuka tells Rei just to get back at her and then you could show how Rei takes the news. Well about the grammatical errors its cool, just try to look over it a couple of times before you submit it. I've felt the horrible feeling of submitting a fic and then finding typos that I hadn't noticed earlier. lol! Other than that I thought it was great and I'm sure if you just try to elaborate your stories a little more, they'll be awesome! Have fun writing! :)

It was a GOOD story!

It was a good idea to mix romance with a rainy and cold day. After all, Rei is called the Ice Queen isn't it?

And it was nice that Rei cared about Shinji's awkward kiss with Asuka.

What the hell, who cares about grammar mistakes? [I've had a lot... so what?] If you can understand the story that's enough y'know?

It was a cute little story.

And I don't think there should be more chapters. I think enough has been said and there is nothing to continue.

What Eva canon is this from? Judging by your over-emotional Rei, it seems more like something based off the Angelic Days manga, not the original series. Because Rei would never act like this in the anime. Shinji also seems a lot more open than usual, just reaching out and touching someone like that is way off base for his character in the anime. You also don't give an adequate reason for why NERV or the Evas are gone. If this is a different canon or AU altogether, you really should specify. And Rei's name is spelled "Ayanami" not "Ayaname." You would also benefit from a beta reader, or a spell-checker at the very least, as you have a lot of spelling and punctuation errors.

A lot and I mean ALOT of spelling and grammatical errors. You need to fix that first even before posting the story.

as for the story, a cute one-shot and though there wasn't much depth in it it was a nice waffy read!

dennisud

oh hit the nail on the head didn't ya...is it Rei or is it Asuka.

That;s a scary debate. I'm rarely into one-shots...but gave this one a try.

Stories with more chaps sounds good. We shall see

Cheers