nice job

THT was GREAT! i luved it! update soon, k??

this is great! i'm a little confused on how they connect... was the girl in the first chapter hinata? was the second chapter sorta a time skip after their relationship had already existed? sry... i'm very slow XP but i love the way this is written and can't wait for an update ^^ sry to trouble you with my slow brain XP lol... update soon!

okay...that confirms it...i'm a big fan of yours now...great one...pls update soon!

ItaHina is my guilty pleasure. And I love, love the way you write!

hrmm.. a bit more.. poetry-like... well in my point of view anyways, it might just be me singing this in my head poetically...=s

yes im weird, i know... uhm... not as good as the first theme.. well i liked that one better, but this aint bad =)


Good job! ;)

hello their~

This was actually kind of inspiring. I liked how you portrayed Hinata, and how she's so passionate about art. Truly wonderful. Will you be updating anytime soon?

Anyways, I'll help you improve your writing on since I read your profile. I basically only have one thing to talk about here and thats paragraph spacing. A lot of authors have this problem and it makes their chapter seem short. But in your case you don't have that problem.

Every time a new person speaks, you must start a new paragraph. You may or may not have known this though. For example:

"Hi smellysoap! I'll kill you for your weird constructive criticism!" tamaosonokokoro-Riza said menacingly as she began to chase smellysoap.

Smellysoap just ran. "Haha tamaosonokokoro-Riza, you will never catch me because I'm SPEEDY!" Smellysoap grinned evilly while flicking a large booger from her nose to tamaosonokokoro-Riza.

Tamaosonokokoro-Riza ducked, hoping she wouldn't be hit.

There! And make sure you start a new paragraph even if it's just a new person doing another action. This is something that is wrong.

"..large booger from her nose to tamaosonokokoro-Riza" Tamaosonokokoro-Riza ducked, hoping she wouldn't be hit.

Don't stick "
Tamaosonokokoro-Riza ducked, hoping she wouldn't be hit." with the other paragraph because it is a different person doing an action.

Hope it wasn't too confusing. And since you seem very busy, from doing yardwork..etc, I would like to strongly suggest(or annoy) you to update for me =)

You will right? Of course you will.

-smellysoap

P.S Sorry for the terribly long review >.

This is really creative! Really, truly a master piece. Can't wait to see the next theme.

Great chapter