Hi! Sorry for taking so long to review; It was my last week of school for the term, so the teachers were loading us up with heaps of homework. I have half of it out of the way. (Yay!) Anyway… You wants critique? You’ll be getting critique. I mean no offense by anything I say (I tend to do that without meaning to, but please understand, I mean no insult with any of my comments). Anyway, you don’t want to hear my babble, onto the review:

It’s great that you set the scene right away; many authors get right into the story, but leave readers wondering where the character/s are. However, a touch of description would give it a little oomph. To be direct, literally punch the reader in the face with the setting. Have them step into it. ‘A tunnel’ tells us there is a tunnel. But is Phantom standing in it or outside it? Is it cold? Is he standing on concrete or gravel or perhaps thin air? What’s the atmosphere like? Fearful? Calming? It’s great you’ve told us of the tunnel, now step forward and describe it, like you have with Phantom’s left arm.

“Only to see white smooth skin, unmarked, unblemished, and long pale fingers instead of the bandages.” –You’ve made his arm sound so … edible. I almost want to eat it. Lovely work here. (Oh gods, I have a soft spot for long, pale fingers!)

I like the idea of Phantom musing about books, authors and stories in general. It’s so cute! And his thoughts made me giggle. Don’t worry too much about this (it’s such a small thing, but I think it would help), but I wouldn’t use the word ‘fictions’ when talking about stories. Call them stories, tales, fairy tales, etc, unless you put a ‘the fiction books’ in its stead. It sounds awkward otherwise.

“Phantom frowned, or at least he thought he frowned. He sure ordered his body to contort a frown, but he knew he was not frowning.” – I giggled a lot when I read this. I can just picture Phantom sitting down whilst his inner selves (the chibis that inhabit his head) ran around screaming “What are you doing mouth?! Don’t smile, frown damnit, frown!” lol, so cute. ^_^
“A room, yeah, a room.” – Sounds awkward. I suggest you just skip the confirming and go straight to the “He was in a room with…” It sounds clumsy, as though you were writing down your thoughts and forgot to get rid of it whilst editing this.

“Alma laughed a melodious laugh that Phantom found endearing.” – Aw! He found something appealing? So cute! This is such a lovely sentence, the description and his reaction is so called for. Lovely. ^_^

Er… I may sound stupid by asking this, but what is Chanel No.5? Is it a type of perfume? I’m not so intimate with such things, so I apologise for bothering you with my questions.

“It was perfect. That was what Phantom could think about.” – What made the seat so perfect? Description missy, even a brief outlook on it would give the scene a bit more depth.

“He stared back into her turquoise orbs, as beautiful they were. He caressed her cheek, smiling. “You are really beautiful.” – Call me sappy, but that made my heart flutter. I may like angst to the point of being called crazy, but even I need a dose of romance or cutesy stuff every now and then.

“He searched through the songs, before clicking the right one. Immediately, a mellow song started to echo throughout the room, and Alma smiled upon hearing the first notes.” – Description! I need to know how the song sounded, right now! Oh, I bet it was soft and soothing and almost-far-too-sickeningly romantic, but I can’t help but wonder! *fangirls*

“*insert lyrics here*” Who was singing? The speakers? Phantom? Alma? Tell me!

OMG. You just had to end this otherwise sweet fanfic with a spoon of angst didn’t you? I don’t know if I love or want to strangle you for it. Other than the things mentioned above, I think you need to be careful of your syntax and paragraphing. Some of your sentences were awkward, and a few touch ups here and there would do some good. Both would make the story read smoother, like the song and the romance seems to between Alma and Phantom (have I told you how much I love their interaction? No? I’ll do that now…)

The entire interaction between Alma and Phantom was done very well. They seem so natural together, as though there wasn’t a single moment that they were apart. This makes the breakfast scene a particular favourite of mine. However, I’m still wondering what Alma looks like. Is she an OC or an actual character? I’m afraid I haven’t been introduced to her yet if she is.

All together, this is a sweet, lovely and well written story. A few adjustments here and there, and a bit more descriptions would make it absolutely awesome (as in OMG I need to read it again, and again, and again, awesome!). You’re a very good writer, and you’re definitely on your way to becoming a fantastic one. Keep up the good work. I’m always available as a beta, should you want me to do as I’ve done now before you post your fics, just send me an email with the story attached.
Again, good work, I hope to see more from you. *hint hint*

- Woffy

PS: Crap. I didn’t think I’d babble so much. Sorry.

ITS A YAY!
I LOVE IT...i feel so sad for phantom though

oh how I'm jealous of Alma (as any Phantom fan would!). but this is most beautiful. *sighs* I do feel regret for Phantom.. had he not received the tattoo, he could always have been so happy. yes, even with this Alma.

it's a big YAY !