I am going to send an email with a more detailed edit of this chapter so you can get a handle on some of the grammatical errors. This chapter was much smoother- fewer grammatical errors than the previous ones. It was fun. Keep on working at it.

OMG! ILOVE THIS! PLEASE UPDATE FOR MY SANITY! !PLEASE!

Elizabeth

liztresemer at yahoo dot com

Ahh, Yes, I know the type! Thanks for telling me. I don't know why, but everything's changed and I no longer know how to PM, so I'm stuck doing this.

Rozz

really good so far!

I don't like Harry. I don't know why, it's just how I feel. If Sara wants to be left alone, I say leave her alone. It's a really awesome story so far, keep us updated!

Rozz

It's nice, go on! :)

Make Harry a bad guy then make him hit on Sara so Grissom can jump in and be a hero!

it's good. really it's a nice sweet story. you have many good ideas but you should think about getting it beta-ed. you have a few mistakes. in the first chaps the names. it's Gil, Warrick and Catherine. you got that alright so far. so about your ideas. take your time. let someone read it and if you're satisfied you post it alright? again, great story. ILU Greg

A little choppy but not bad. Would have liked a few more details in spots. Particularly regarding characters other than Sara and Grissom. Note: The car scene with Greg was precious.

I look forward to reading more.

OMG!You have to update soon!I wonder what that scar Sara has is from?So many unanswered whys!

It looks like this is your first story and I want to encourage you to write. There are several ways the story can be polished which is what an editor or beta does for an author. Please do not be discouraged if I ask a few questions and point out some problems.

Your profile doesn't say whether English is your native language. There are many spelling and grammatical errors that could be caught with spell check if you have access to a program with that feature. The "" and dark marks that appear often in your story could mean the word processor you are using isn't converting to the format for

Regarding plot- Sara was getting ready to hand in a resignation when the order that the whole team would go on a camping trip was given. You didn't give enough back story to show or justify what had brought Sara to this decision. Then with this announcement, she changes her mind and decides to go on a camping trip with the people she had just decided to leave.

The impression I got from your first and second chapter was that Grissom had not expressed his care and concern for Sara until they got on the plane. Then he actually touches her skin in an intimate way- asking about a scar. It was the wrong place and time for such a touch and really out of character. Perhaps if he had noticed it in another way, or in the cabin when she went to rest, it would have been less jarring to the reader.

By the way, the characters names were misspelled: use Warrick, Catherine, Greg, Nick.

I hope you will continue to write and develop your ideas. It is by putting them out there and getting feedback that we improve - Best of luck.

Okay,why is this chapter repeated?

I would have enjoyed reading this better without those "things."What are those?

Something is wrong with your computer or something. First, all the "" and ' are