The story in itself is cute and well-written. But acoording to me, both Zack and Cloud is kind of OOC.

Zack - All people have fears. Even mighty SOLDIERs. Even extremely carefree people.

Cloud - Well, he's not exactly OOC, but I would think that if Zack would be so close to him that he felt like a brother, Cloud would be a little more straightforward to him. Saying that he was afraid of the dark was sort of out of place, at least according to me.

Great anyways, awesome!

Aw...so kawaii...there so cute together!

AW! Poor Cloud! ^^ So sweet that he wants to be with Zack :-) Loved it