   ReviewsGalore
2007-07-08 . chapter 2Story: 6.75/10. This story is better than ones of this stripe typically are, but I also think that it is a little too similar to the actual Harry Potter story. Many of the events don't seem interesting when they aren't new to the readers. Your pacing is also probably too quick.
Characters: 6.5/10. I'm glad that you've resisted the temptation to make Amber too Mary Sueish and I like your characterization of Neville. I do think that you are setting up the children of the canon characters to be *just like* their parents or some other person which I personally find annoying. I think that you could give these characters more depth.
Creativity: 6.5/10. There are a lot of stories of this type out there, but this is one of the better ones I've read. I also think that some little details such as your version of the chocolate frogs fit in well and show real imagination. I think that you should do a little more to differentiate from the actual books.
Writing: 8/10. This is really well written, though I think it is spelled "Malfoy".
Believability: 5.75/10. It just seems like too much coincidental, convenient stuff happens too quickly. Your OC just happens to run into Harry at Diagon Alley and his kids and Ron and Hermione's are there also? I guess it is just meeting so many people who happen to be canon characters all at once just seems a little unbelievable. Also, I think that the muggles believe that their daughter is a witch a little too easily.
Overall: 6.75/10. This is a well written, fairly well developed story that just needs a little work in a few areas. |
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