Reviews for A Life Rescued

Reviews For: A Life Rescued - Reviews: Page 1 of 31

crazy cat 2008-07-20 ch 50, anon.	abuseI really loved this chapter,the descriptions were vivid it was like in my mind I was there. I found it interesting that you mentioned the lyrics from "mambo number 5" infact it was kind of funny cuz I actually looked up the song afterwards. Keep writing love the whole story.
abeatticus 2008-07-20 ch 50,	abuseTo echo another reader's review it is amazing how you have expanded this story. The development of all the characters has been a great read!
maxthieriotluvr 2008-07-19 ch 50,	abuseI really enjoyed this chapter but with each one you make me so scared and anxious that you'll make Jesse do something stupid. I know he's a teenage boy and all these feelings are still new to him but I just can't imagine Jess making a stupid mistake that would hurt Leslie (At least I don't want to imagine it ever). That's why I never liked Grace becuase I just know there's something big that will happen and it's going to screw Jess & Leslie's relationship up.
jandjsalmon 2008-07-18 ch 50,	abuseGoodnight, Cupcake.! HA HA HA! This was really great.
bajam 2008-07-18 ch 50,	abuseGreat as always. I love the humor between Jess and Tom.
Teralian 2008-07-18 ch 50,	abuseJust as great as the first part! So ALR is comming to an end.. It has been great to read this story and I'll be looking forward to what the last chapters has to offer!
Fire Inferno 2008-07-18 ch 50,	abuseahahahahah! love that last part! not too bad of a chapter, i hope Tom behaved with the picture Jess drew :P
G-Matt 2008-07-18 ch 50,	abuseVery nice chapter! Looking forward to the next one. Gotta love that ending! XD
xSlytherclaWx 2008-07-14 ch 1,	abuseBrilliant, so far, but there is one issue: they lived in Maryland, not Virginia.
Markov20 2008-07-13 ch 49,	abuseCongrats on one year of A Life Rescued! I'm amazed at how you expanded such a short book/90 minute movie into a 49+ chapter story. Good work, and can't wait for the next chapter!
fleecy 2008-07-12 ch 49,	abusegreat story you seem to never run out of ideas keep it up. im finding that a new chapter in this story coming is a like a break from the rest of my life
Eirauqcam Suruaseht 2008-07-12 ch 49,	abuseGreat chapter, please update soon!
jandjsalmon 2008-07-11 ch 49,	abuseoh it was great! I think the line that made me laugh most was, "Jesse told the others that his parents wanted some time alone. Tom smirked, Leslie smiled at her boyfriend, and Grace looked confused." -- Very amusing. :D Can't wait for more! :D
bajam 2008-07-11 ch 49,	abuseGreat as always IHS. Can't wait to see what's next.
Mark R. Whitten 2008-07-10 ch 49,	abuseI can see that there are only a few reviews of this chapter up at the time that I am writing this. Good thing too, cause I've got lots to say! First, some suggestions: I think you should put the sentences together, in order to prevent confusion about who's speaking. For example: Leslie's reply was aborted when she gave a shiver; Jess pulled her closer. "I'm going clothes shopping Tuesday evening with my Mom. Do you need anything?" Who's speaking here? Is it Leslie or is it Jess? I found out a few sentences later that it was Jess, but I shouldn't have had to wait. I should know who's voice to hear in my head as I'm reading. Normally, it wouldn't be such a big deal. You might even be saying to the screen as you read this right now: "I get the point across and the readers know who I mean, eventually. Geez, Mark, you don't have to be such a jerk!" Well, buddy, it tends to branch out after awhile. For instance, if I don't know who spoke, then I don't know whether to envison Leslie and Judy going clothes shopping Tuseday or Jess and Mary going clothes shopping on Tuesday (they do have different mothers, afterall). When I figure out that you really meant that Jess was going, I have to re-envision everything. I have been bothered by this for quite some time, but I didn't know what was wrong or how to fix it. Now, I offer you a solution: Try putting the sentences together. Example: Leslie's reply was aborted when she gave a shiver; Jess pulled her closer. "I'm going clothes shopping Tuesday with my Mom. Do you need anything?" (a semicolon ; would help here too) We know Jess is talking because the last line of narrative before the dialogue mentions what HE is doing (pulling her closer). If you had ended the sentence with what Leslie did, (i.e. shivering) we would, of course, assume that she was the one talking. It is always the last person who did something in the narrative who speaks next. That's a rule. Don't feel bad, Rick; I had the same problem a while ago, which explains why my paragraphs were so sparse. Also, conversations do not take place in a vaccum. This is important. Later in the conversation between Leslie and Jess, (after I figured out who was going shopping with whose mother) I lost track of who was speaking, again. "Nah, I think I'm set, but thanks." "What size shoes do you wear?" "What? Why?" Who's talking now? Leslie or Jess? You should add some dialogue tags, either simple (he said/she said) or descriptive (he said, holding her close/ she said, kissing his cheek). Just examples, but you get the point. And it would be best to mix them up with gestural pauses like: "What?" she asked. She looked down at her feet and frowned. "Why?" The 'She looked down at her feet and frowned' part was a 'gestural pause'. It breaks up the boredom of empty dialouge with a visual of Leslie doing something. Even when they said things in the movie, they did things. "We need a place," Leslie declared, "just for us." She fiddled with the old rope in her hands. "Where there's no Janice Avery's or Scott Hoagers," she added. You don't HAVE TO mention her fiddling with the rope, but it helps us to SEE her better. Showing is a wondeful techniuqe, which you partly recognize with your narrative (Leslie shivered/Jess pulled her closer). You could add such things inbetween dialouge to break up the tedium and help us see them while they're talking. I think it would help. I learned all this from a book called Description by Monica Wood. It's in the Elementes of Fiction Writing series. I have to thank you for this latest chapter, as telling you all of this reminds me to follow these rules in my own writing. In case you're saying "I don't need to follow YOUR rules," just let ME say: "Is nature's rule, Daniel-son. Not mine." -- Mr. Miyagi, Karate Kid. Peace. Small aside: Try not to include English Idioms for your AMERICAN characters, unless they picked them up from some english friends, movies, books, etc. The part where Ellie said "the little buggers" threw me for a moment. Is Toby English? Did she pick that up from him? I don't recall. May Belle might say something like that, if she was reading Harry Potter. She might even be making everbody crazy with her Englophilia. Makes a good note for the story. The above review was from reading the first half of this chapter. Just a few thoughts for the second half: Semicolons could have been used; I was missing them, mostly in the second half. I loved that Jack loves cuban food. I do too. :) I liked Leslie's new bikini; is Jess' dream going to come true? ;) One more thing: You call the characters by their full names. By now, anyone reading this story knows who Mary is, knows who Jack is, knows who Jess and Leslie and Tom and Grace are. You don't have to introduce us with full names (i.e. Grace Jacobs, Tom Jacobs, Leslie Burke, Jess Aarons, Jack Aarons and Mary Aarons) every single time. You even do it after the chapter begins, like in the limozine; Mary Aarons did this, or Mary Aarons told them that. Unless there's more than one Mary, we already know to whom you are referring. The reason I told all those names before (Grace, Tom, Jess, Leslie,) was to demonstrate how annoying it can be when a writer is needlessly repetitive. Hint, hint. You might want to think about keeping the story in one person's perspective at a time, too. I saw the perspective change more than a few times during this chapter. Just a thought. Peace.

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