Wow, this was really heartbreaking. Seriously. I cried. I'm glad Dean finally found out the truth, and they resolved things, but still...so heartbreaking. I can't stand to think about the Stanford years. It helps a little that Sam was thinking of him, but still sad. I want those years back!

beautiful, i loved loved loved the story, thanks for sharing :)

oh yeah just rip out my heart now why dont you!! great job on this.. .those last two lines just about do me in...

I don't know how i missed this one but somehow i did... awesome story... love how Jim came to get sam without john knowing and how they instantly went at each other... great job

Aw that was soo sweet and wonderful! I love when the boys get all brotherly. The story held my interest from the first word to the last. Great fic!:D

great story, I love when Dean and Sam show each other how much they care about one another and you did that great!

Aw cool story! ^_^ I liked it!

i really liked your story and enjoyed reading it. great job!

Sam nodded. “I’ve been here all night. You’ve been pretty out of it, though.”

“Why … here? Should be … school…”

“You’re hurt, Dean. School can wait.”

“Be … fine. Didn’t need … come.”

Sam felt a lump form in his throat. “Yeah, Dean, I did. You’re my brother. I’ll always come.”

“You… You’re still a such a girl.”

You write the best aw moments, truly you do. I love how Dean always tries to look out for Sammy but this time he lets Sammy watch over him.

“You … sure you… you’re … here?”

“I’m here, Dean,” he said soothingly. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Not… a dream?”

“Not a dream. Go back to sleep.”

“Don’t… don’t go.”

Startled by the naked fear in Dean’s voice, Sam put his free hand over Dean’s fingers and squeezed reassuringly. “I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be here when you wake up, I promise.”

Dean’s grip tightened. “Thought you were there… but you were just a dream…” His eyes drifted shut, but his hand remained firmly clasped around Sam’s wrist.

This scene actually made me teary eyed because I knew what Dean was talking about and he was afraid to sleep because Sammy might disappear again...that broke my heart.

Dean looked confused. “Dude, how do you know about that?”

It was Sam’s turn to be confused. “How do I… What do you mean, how do I know? I was there!”

Dean shook his head. “You weren’t there, Sammy. You were… you weren’t there.”

“I know, Dean,” Sam said hesitantly. “And I’m sorry. I was wrong – I shouldn’t have left. I should have stayed until you were well-- ”

He paused. Dean was looking at him, wide-eyed. “Dean?”

“You should have stayed? You mean… you were really there?” A pause, then, “I thought you were a dream.”

Poor Dean, all these years he's believed that Sammy wasn't there for him, that he was just a dream and I'm sure that hurt. Wow, that was a very powerful scene.


And in my humble opinion, this is the most perfect ending!
Dean was looking at him curiously, and Sam held his eyes firmly. “But I’m really glad to have my brother back.”

Dean smiled. “Me, too.”

Just amazing, brilliant, and beautifully written from start to finish. I loved every word!
Cookies for you and your awesomeness!

wow i've read this about at least 4 times and it gets better every time, i commented on your other profile in another community and i'll comment again, this is an amazing story. The way that Dean thought it was only a dream that Sam was there was so beautiful, he never wanted to let go of his hand, he thought he might lose him again. Please keep on making stories like these, 'cause brotherly bonding always brings the best and the saddest moments of supernatural and the brothers themselves...VERY VERY EXCELLENT JOB;)

"Oh, God. His greatest fear had become reality – that Dean would get hurt because he wasn’t there to watch Dean’s back. He’d always managed to rationalize the fear away. Dean, of all people, was more than capable of looking after himself, and anyway, Dad was still there to look out for him. But now…"

This was my favorite aww moment, Sam's realization that Dean needs him.

"Sam blew out a deep breath. By all rights, Dean should be having nightmares about the chupacabra that had attacked him. But no, even subconsciously he was worrying about Sam, as he’d always done, all his life."

Perfectly written, Dean is always worrying about Sammy, trying to protect his brother and this big brother role of his even carries over into his dreams. I'm glad that Sammy got to see how much Dean cares for him.

“I know, but…” He hesitated, reluctant to voice the thoughts that had been running through his head. “I’ve been thinking that maybe… maybe I should come back home.”

Pastor Jim raised an eyebrow. “To hunt? Is that what you want?”

“No. But I don’t want to lose my brother, either. Maybe I don’t have a choice.”

Amazing scene, my absolute favorite and I firmly believe you stayed true to Sam's character. As much as he wants a normal life and Stanford, he loves his brother more and would sacrifice for him.

Beautifully written chapter, so descriptive right down to the tiniest details. Incredible job writing Sammy and capturing his chaotic emotions. Loved it!

Been meaning to review this earlier, but had to work (hee). Glad you liked the other review and I'm very glad that you like my reviews. It's a joy to read your work and comment on them. They cover all things I love, hee, hee, Dean hurt high among them!

This chapter was wonderful. I love the way you have the misunderstandings clarified here. I also LOVE the nobility of Dean and can I say, I thoroughly love it when Sam has an epiphany about Dean that he never considered or took on face value! I have a tendency to do that in my stories. I call them my Sam-angst angles. I LOVE putting Sam through the wringer, hee, hee., Awesome!!

Fav. Parts:

Left alone with his brother, Sam tried to swallow the lingering fear. If the doctor said Dean was out of danger, he must be right, but Dean still looked so ill, and Sam knew he wouldn’t be sure until Dean woke up and talked to him.

As if he’d sensed Sam’s anxiety, Dean’s eyelids flickered.

Sam scooted closer. “Dean?” he said softly. “That’s it bro, it’s time to wake up.”

Dean’s eyelids opened slowly, and confused green eyes fixed on Sam, half-focused. “Sammy?”

The word was slurred and gruff, but it was the best thing Sam had ever heard. He smiled. “Yeah, it’s me. I’m here.”

“Where … here?”

“You’re in the hospital, but you’re gonna be fine.”

“’Kay.” Dean was clearly still out of it, but that was only to be expected. His eyes drifted shut, then opened again half-mast. “Were you here… before?”

Sam nodded. “I’ve been here all night. You’ve been pretty out of it, though.”

“Why … here? Should be … school…”

“You’re hurt, Dean. School can wait.”

“Be … fine. Didn’t need … come.”

Sam felt a lump form in his throat. “Yeah, Dean, I did. You’re my brother. I’ll always come.”

“You… You’re still a such a girl.”

Sam laughed softly. “Guess I am. Go back to sleep, okay?”

“M hmm.”

Dean’s eyes had already shut again, and within seconds, he was asleep.


-- TOTALLY LOVE THIS WHOLE SCENE! Especially Dean in his groggy state, still worrying why Sam isn't in school and telling him that he didn't need to come and Sam admitting that he'd always come for him. It is SO DEAN! You totally captured Dean's priorities of putting Sam first.


It could so easily have happened. He and Dad couldn’t seem to spend five minutes in the room together without rubbing each other the wrong way. If Dean had seen them going at it … He shook his head, lips pressed together. The last thing Dean needed right now was to be stuck in the middle, again. To play peacekeeper when he should be focusing on getting better. And he would get better, thank God. - Always thought of Dean as peace keeper to the family. It's so like him! Love it!

Sam snorted. “You know Dean; he’ll never admit he’s in pain, not to you. He sees it as failing you if he doesn’t just suck it up, like you always tell him to do. And you left him – you just left him on his own with an infected wound!” - This is so true! Tough it out Dean, that's him! I loved how you portrayed Sam as being particularly harsh to John only to find out from Dean much later that he should've been so ** him.

There was little in Dean’s stomach to bring up but bile, and Sam winced in sympathy as Dean dry-heaved, the movement obviously jarring the wound in his side. One hand was tightly clutching a handful of bed sheet, the other clamped painfully around Sam’s wrist. - Okay, sicko that I am and loving Dean suffering, I just LOVED THIS!

“Make sure he isn’t shy about using it,” she said briskly. “He’ll be in a lot of pain, and now isn’t the time to be macho.” - I SO LAUGHED at this!!

“Don’t… don’t go.”

Startled by the naked fear in Dean’s voice, Sam put his free hand over Dean’s fingers and squeezed reassuringly. “I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be here when you wake up, I promise.” -- SO VULNEABLE! Sniffle!

That earned him a faint smile. “Yeah. Not one of my best plans. You okay?”

Of course he was okay, because as usual, Dean had taken the fall for him. Some things never changed. “I’m fine. So’s the hunter. I took him down without hurting him too much, did the ritual. One more demon back in Hell.”

-- There's Dean worried about Sam first and Sam realizing that Dean had taken the hit for him. SO DEAN! You captured Dean so well in this story!

“Yeah, right.” Dean snorted, then winced. “Maybe in your warped little mind, Samantha.” He started to pull himself upright and fell back with a gasp, eyes screwed shut, jaw hardening against the pain.

Sam put a restraining hand on his shoulder. “Take it easy. You’ve got a big hole in your side; you don’t want to be moving around too much.”

“No kiddin’,” Dean hissed through clenched teeth.

Sam watched him anxiously, feeling as helpless as he always did when witnessing his brother fighting pain. He reached out a hand toward the morphine drip. “Need something for the pain?”

Dean grunted, and Sam took that for a “Yes”.

As before, the morphine kicked in quickly, and after a few moments Dean’s featured relaxed. He sighed and opened his eyes again as he rolled his head towards Sam. “This sucks out loud.”

-- Again, the sicko me LOVED THIS!!

Dean scowled, but allowed Sam to adjust the pillow to support his weight in a more upright position. “Sam, Dad must have had his reasons…”

“Don’t you defend him! You know he should have told you.” He couldn’t bear the thought that Dean hadn’t known he’d been there with him; maybe even thought he hadn’t bothered to come at all.

“Sam--”

-- Dean is SO great at defending John!

Dean looked surprised. “Sam, that rule was just for when we were kids.”

That stopped Sam in his tracks. “What?”

“Dad wanted to be sure we were always watching each other’s backs. After you left – come on, dude, I was twenty-two! There was no need for it any more.”

As Sam silently digested Dean's words, Dean continued.

"Anyway, it was my idea to split up, not his."

Another illusion shattered. But Sam wasn’t about to let his dad off the hook that easily. “It was still a mistake, and Dad was calling the shots, so it was his responsibility. And what about the ER? He should have taken you straight there after you got hurt.”


-- LOVE THIS! Dean totally taking Sam off-guard about not splitting up when they were kids and that it didn't apply to now. So logical and Sam was flummoxed!


After a long moment, Dean said quietly, “I didn’t get any messages. My phone broke when the chupacabra attacked me.” - tsk, tsk, Sam making assumptions again!.

Suddenly Sam realized how stupid it was, too. Dean wasn’t a man to bear grudges, especially against his little brother. “I wasn’t thinking straight. I wanted to call again, but time went on and you didn’t get in touch, and I thought… Why didn’t you ever call me?”

Dean was silent.

“Dean?”

Dean flashed him a quick glance and then looked down, fist clenching around the sheet. “You and me - we’d been drifting apart. I… I guess I thought you’d decided to cut your ties with both of us.”

-- ANOTHER FAV SCENE! Loved the revelation that Dean doesn't bear grudges and Dean's hurt about them drifting apart.

Dean took a long, measuring look at Sam, and shook his head. “Dude, did you really think I was petty enough to be ** because you didn’t stay and hold my hand?” -- EXCELLENT!

Dean looked away. “I thought it was the wrong decision, that you wouldn’t be able to live a normal life… but you’d set your mind on school, and I didn’t want to make it any harder.” He looked back at Sam, this time steadily holding his gaze. “But I never wanted you to leave, Sam. How could you think that?” -- Makes total sense!

“Look, I…” Dean paused, eyes darting around the room before finally coming back to settle on Sam. “I missed you, dude, okay?” - AW!

LOVED IT ALL!!

FANTASTIC STORY!! I am a BIG fan of Dean-hurt stories and you did an excellent job with this story and portraying all of the misunderstandings between the Winchester men. They are not in touch with their feelings and so many things are assumed and the wrong assumptions are, of course, made, but have to admit that I love that Dean comes off as heroic in what he gives up and his ability to forgive anything and not hold a grudge even though he would have every reason to is just so true to who he is and makes him all the more noble for his family.

Fav. Parts:


Sam blew out a deep breath. By all rights, Dean should be having nightmares about the chupacabra that had attacked him. But no, even subconsciously he was worrying about Sam, as he’d always done, all his life. - SO TRUE!

In fact, Sam had been a little hurt that Dean seemed so indifferent, wondering if maybe his brother was looking forward to hunting with Dad, just the two of them. Then, on the final day when he’d walked out of the house, Dad’s shout of If you leave, don’t bother to come back ringing in his ears, he’d looked back. Dean was standing there, silent, face blank except for the look of total desolation in his eyes. And Sam had wondered if he’d got it totally wrong, if he was somehow betraying his brother by leaving. - I LOVE how Sam misunderstands Dean's silence and "compliance" as not caring, not even trying to reailze that Dean was suffering silently to give Sam a normal life. AWESOME!

Sam looked down, absently picking at a loose thread in his jeans. “I didn’t, but now… I should have been there. If I’d been there, I’d have had Dean’s back. He wouldn’t have got hurt.”

“You can’t know that,” Jim said. “It wasn’t your fault, Sam.”

“But if I’d been there…”

“Dean might still have been hurt,” Jim said firmly. “Or it might have been you. Look at me, Sam.”

Reluctantly, Sam looked up into Pastor Jim’s sincere eyes.

“There’s no point in second-guessing, Sam. It was no one’s fault. It’s a dangerous job, you know that.”

-- I LOVE Pastor Jim's fatherly intervention and wisdom, filling in the gaps where John falls short.

Jim shook his head. “There’s always a choice, Sam. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to live your own life, your own way. Your dad and Dean have made their choices. But if hunting isn’t for you, then you should follow your instincts.”

- I love this!!

“He cares. He just finds it hard to express it.” Jim was silent for a moment. “Look, Sam, your father loves you, even if he’s not very good at showing it. He loves both of you boys. I’ve known him a long time – I’ve known you since you were a year old – and I can promise you that’s the truth.” -- I love that Pastor Jim gives Sam some perspective here.


Wonderful stuff!!

That was a great ending! And a really plausible explanation for why the boys didn't talk for a couple of years - growing up in each other's pockets, it always seemed odd to me that they would go that long not talking. Nice way to clear that up! And a great story!

This is a really intriguing idea for a story - I know Kripke got his maths messed up in the pilot, but I've always wondered about that line where Dean says it's two years since he's spoken to Sam and figured that he must have spoken to him since he left for Stanford. You've written Sam's confusion and divided loyalties really well, and I like John's constant denial that Dean's really sick - he's not going to die, he's going to be fine, what is Sam doing there... I like how you've written Pastor Jim too - pity Kripke wasted such a potentially great character!