Reviews for Lessons in Pazaak

Reviews For: Lessons in Pazaak

Emalin 2008-06-06 ch 5,	abuseI've reviewed this before, but I absolutely HAD to leave a comment here as well. :) This is a phenomenal piece of writing! Silly me didn't "get it" the first time around, as you know, but after I "got it" I was totally blown away. Your descriptions are so lifelike, your characters so real (particularly Atton)... and your plot twist is mind-boggling! My favorite lines have to be, "It's not fair to lose, is it?? You play well, you play smart, and still you can lose," and, "No. I didn't want you to need me." lip wobbles Other than a few grammar / punctuation errors, I have nothing to point out that needs work. Well done. :)
x illusion 2007-08-07 ch 5,	abuseThe way you write is just so intense and descriptive, I love it. I can really feel your characters' emotions, and that line "It’s not fair to lose is it?? You play well, you play smart, and still you can lose" it's so real. I don't know, I can't describe it, you've just done an incredible job, I can't wait to see what's next.
Bald as Malak 2007-07-29 ch 5,	abuseJust left a review at KFM, but never hurts to repeat (see below) ;) Also, I have to say that I could interpret the ending in multiple ways and that, in this case at least, takes away a bit from its impact. Still a good story, though. :D -FROM KFM- You certainly have some nice phrases and descriptions throughout the 4 chapters. Poetry seems to lurk behind your words at times. I think someone else already pinpointed this set of lines, for example: She had no name. She was only blood and bone and laceration. Thought and memory and mutilation. Suffering was eternity, beyond the confines of time. You do a great job of bringing out emotions in very strong ways at different points of the story too. The device in this last chapter of repeating some of the pazaak thoughts in the previous chapter is a nice touch too, and I like how you slowly drag her out of the vision in Ch. 3. I think more might have been done in that previous chapter, though, to emphasize the transition. Perhaps to have some details change or fade or something besides the pain. But this point is just about making it stronger. And that one detail above would also be main critique overall. Poetry says much with few words, captures an image and stirs our imagination to fill in the missing pieces. Prose, I think, needs more of the details because it leads us through a story. Well, I’m not entirely sure of my division between poetry and prose, but what I feel is lacking in the last two chapters are a few more details that fill in missing pieces. This whole thing feels like part of a larger story that I haven’t read. Without that additional detail, I can’t get as sucked into the wonderful emotions and imagery you evoke here. In part, that’s because I’m not an automatic AttonXExile gusher and so you need to make me believe in them as a couple by adding more. Ditto with Revan, and the world that Exile is wrenched back into… Does that make sense? I think it’s one of the lines that separates fanfic (some background/context/biases assumed) from ficfic. Critiques always take longer for me because I want to explain them clearly. The length does not imply that they are more important. Overall, I very much like the evocative way that you write and I look forward to seeing more! :D Ciao, BaM
Layana Danare 2007-07-23 ch 4,	abuseOh no! I wanted to cry when Atton was leaving. It was very.. sniff ... emotional. Is that the end? (Say no... say no... say no...)
Mithostwen 2007-07-22 ch 4,	abuseWow, I never saw that end coming--talk about a twist! This is a really well-written story. I could totally feel the Exile's emotions; the panic, relief, the way she thinks of Atton, everything... I really enjoyed this. It sucked me into the story right from the beginning. But... I kind of wish I could understand what's going on with Revan being there, and why Atton would do this to Cora, which is not explained at all. The ending seems kind of abrupt that way. Assuming this is the end, which maybe it isn't, I don't know.
Jax Solo 2007-07-17 ch 3,	abuseATON! Yeah, the fangirl HAD to say it...
sharinganavenger 2007-07-15 ch 2,	abuseI look forward to making sense of this one. Great start, I'm hooked.
MOCHS 2007-07-15 ch 2, anon.	abuseIs this after KOTOR 2? 'Cos I'm wondering why Atton is living in a house(?)... Or is The Ebon Hawk disguised as a bunch of walls with a door? Well written so far, keep it up!
muhnemma 2007-07-15 ch 2,	abuseYou wrote the two young men well, they were really creepy and I didn't know whether the Exile would get away from them or not. I'm really liking it so far and can't wait for more. Hope you update soon!

Return to Top