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| Death angel chick211 2008-04-09 ch 1, | abuseHmm...I wonder who these four people are?Well anyway please write more. -Twirling Zakura |
| Wish the Pain Away 2008-03-12 ch 1, | abusei was wondering when the next chapter is. The story needs a bit more description. |
| Rainpath 2007-08-01 ch 1, | abuseYou've got a whole chapter lumped into one big paragraph, which is a big no-no. I like your details, but when a different character starts speaking, you have to create a new paragraph. Otherwise, it reads like this: "Stop!" "No!" They cried. When it should really read like: "Stop!" "No!" They cried. Keep writing, and please take these tips. :) |