Hm this fic kind of creeps me out, lol. I think its the fact that Shego, so adamant against mind control and cloning in the show, decides to brainwash a Kimmie clone so she could have a relationship with it in this fic. You even said it yourself multiple times in this fic Shego is a creepy stalker and practically made a Kim sexdoll! Dude that is MONDO FREAKY OMG! I really had trouble believing the characterizations in this fic. I didn't really like this fic as much as some of ur other ones, don't hit me :p it's just that the idea could've worked but u didn't execute it that well but its an old fic so u prob dont care what I have to say just felt like i had to share mah opinion

Well, believe it or not, I’ve actually finished reading this. I’m just not the kind to left things half-assed, and so I decided to go back to this story after some time, even though my first reaction to it wasn’t really positive. And unfortunately, my opinion hasn’t changed so much, so in this review, I am going to praise the good elements of this fic, but I’m also going to be critic. So be ready for both before reading forward.

Well, from the beginning the fic is easily identifiable as yours. Quick pacing of scenes, witty dialogs, frequent spelling mistakes… er… ignore the last one ^^U. But whatever, the dialogs have always been a strong point from you. Sometimes it can get a little bit annoying because it seems as if the characters were turned into “talking heads” (expression referred when there’s dialog, but no description of how the characters say the words, or the moves and gestures they make), HOWEVER, this element seems to have been greatly improved in this one story, which is something good, giving the story more three-dimensionality and not forcing the readers to speculate what small actions the characters might be doing while they are talking. Good so far…

The big problem for me when was things suddenly got REALLY fast and Shego ended up speaking her feelings in the most embarrassing, ridiculous and (sorry for this) implausible scene I’ve ever seen. And honestly having Shego comparing Kim’s mission outfits to point out she’s been checking her out only makes it worse. In this whole part Shego is portrayed lamely as someone who can’t keep her feelings to herself, which honestly speaking, sounds very out of character for her in my opinion. Because she did not just let her feelings escape for a moment. No, she went forward and gave details of it, when the most plausible thing for her would have been laughing it off and play it as joke. I mean, how can you conceivably see her undergoing such humiliation when it’s clear from the very beginning that she has no hope? Specially considering how much Kim was defending Ron.

In short, this was a big “WTF moment” but not of the good ones, and that was just the first one of many, MANY around the entire story. Overall, I really can’t praise the credibility of this fic, because in my opinion that’s where the story fails the most. From Shego’s first humiliation to her making a clone, to Kimila actually believing Shego’s lies which lacked any fundament, to the unreasonable reaction of Kimila upon learning she was a clone, and to Kimila actually RETURNING Shego’s feelings, starting at the end of Chapter 3 where she practically has more reasons for disliking her than even Kim. Honestly, you know I support KiGo and its plausibility, but the working on it in this story is truly lamentable, which is a shame considering you had done an amazing good job in MI, building up the romance of Kim and Shego from practically nothing, but making it a good thing because the feelings grew slowly and that made it believable. A big difference from this story where feelings just seem to pop out from one day to the other.

But well… apart from the lack of credibility in this story, I’d be lying if I said there weren’t parts I didn’t enjoy. Like always, the dialogs are good, entertaining, and bring up interesting aspects of the characters, and while few, some scenes really managed to surprise me a bit. So, while the portrayal and credibility lack a bit, the quality of the scenes themselves are honestly pretty good, even the K/R ones were interesting and, ironically, the most believable ones. The only problem with this is that, while you gave Kim and Ron a really good portrayal, I wouldn’t blame K/R shippers if after reading this might they feel like the KiGo aspect was eclipsing the K/R side of the story.

Now, while Kim and Run surely got a very good portrayal (although not my favourite for pairing preferences, but that’s just biased), I really can’t say the same thing about Kimila, who most of the time seemed like a total OC instead of a clone of Kim. Now, I don’t know what it is with you that sometimes it seems that clones are the answer for everything in your mind, but so far none of your cases seems to have haven a realistic reaction upon learning of their nature. Ren’s reaction lacked intensity, and while Kimila’s did have that, the way she acted upon learning the true was still not credible. But apart from that, her “resolution” for being evil was… well, another not good WTF, since it practically lacked any solid base, and the reasons Kimila gave to Kim were very trivial for something that should be such a big decision, and on top of that, they sounded like anything but nothing that Kim Possible would actually say. That’s what I mean by Kimila not appearing to be a clone of Kim. Even if she “predicts” her sometimes, it doesn’t help. Besides, she ends up surprised over things like Kim hugging her at the end, which kills the previous connection.

I don’t wanna make it all seem bad, because overall, the concept of the story is original and it introduced new and interesting scenarios such as a Kim that becomes part of Drakken’s Evil Family, which is an aspect I think you should exploit more in following episodes of this series. Those circumstances you added made the story a lot richer.

The problem is that nearly everything around this story seems like something that was built over a very good concept and idea but with a poor execution. I’m not sure either of how could this have been carried out better, then I guess, I don’t see this as a direction I would take.

Overall, it’s not really a bad fic, heck, I doubt its even close to that, but it really doesn’t live up to the potential of your other stories. I can say I’ve enjoyed plenty of the readers and that this fic has its good moments, but seeing it as a whole picture… well, it kinda has a bad composition, but I don’t think there’s much point in getting further into details (though you can always ask me if, by any chance, you want me to be more critic). So I would recommend you to pay more attention to these elements from now on.

So… I hope you can appreciate this critic review in a way. Talk me if you want later. For now, I got some other fic to read and review.

Goodbye and best wishes. ^_^

::waves::

Hi! Moi again! I bit the bullet and registered...

As usual I love your characterizations, tho personally I thought "Kimila" a bit on the cheesy side...

What I think would have been even more powerful a concept is that instead of Shego making her own clone, had both Kim and the backstory of her fall from grace been *real*... an exploration into Kim following in Shego's steps would certainly draw them together in a way Kim never expected.

I'd have, and maybe will if you'd like to grant me permissions to use some of your concepts, have Kim's fall myabe include some fo the lesser known canon villians... one-shots maybe like Adrena Lynn... perhaps actually a victim of her own extreme stunts ending up with every bone busted but alive... something that Kim's rep would have survived tarnishing outcries, but the clincher involving maybe Frugal Lucre dying... the public opinion being hat as he was a "discount" villian not worthy of what appeared to be wither her visciousness or indifference would have been the final nail in her reputational coffin and calling for her arrest.

I might even have her willing to stand trial but after a parade of (incarcerated) foes seeking deals testifying against her, the proscecution deciding to try her as an adult (her 18th bday only months away), she over reacts at something in jail, a riot ensues, and a break out occures in swhich she is given credit by escaping foes and authorities alike.

Striped of her former rides to help, friends distancing themselves, I can see her headign to Shego, who had already professed her feelings and undying love. Shoot, I'd add s scene where Shego aids in her escape, arm outstretched for Kim to grab and saying "come with me if you want to live".

I'd have all the above as a flash back, starting the story as you had Kimila waking... Kim then finds out enough from TV or another source unlocking the above flood of memories.

I'd have Ron determined to bring her back in from the cold "for her own good", stepping up to the role she left voided, probably with Bonnie as his sidekick adding salt to the wound.

An exploration of the Real Kim's fall from grace and decent into evil would be all the more powerful. OOh... I Even got a great title assuming it hasn't alerady been taken...

Love Robin

I can't really say much other than this story is made of win and epic! Really enjoyed reading it. Cheers!

Err, unless they have some strange food in the KP universe... I'm pretty sure you misspelled "nacho" almost every time in this chapter.

Well, the idea’s an odd one, but you can’t deny it’s effective.
After all, what better way to satisfy the Kim/Ron AND Kim/Shego fans at the same time; have Shego create a clone of Kim to be involved with.
Simple, effective, and it neatly avoids all the potential traditional ‘awkweirdness’ that would normally arise in this situation- with Ron trying to deal with Kim having ‘moved on’ with Shego or something like that- while adding in a totally NEW amount of issues to deal with.
If nothing else, you definitely went into a GREAT amount of thought when analysing Kim, Ron and Shego’s thoughts regarding Kimila’s existence; Kim trying not to think too much about the fact that Kimila might reflect how she REALLY feels about life in general and Shego in particular on some level, Ron unable to totally stop himself from fantasizing, and Shego, unable to fully cope with the pain of her broken heart, takes the only course of action that seems available to her if she wants to be with the one she loves...
To say you did a good job on that front is an understatement; even as a part of me can’t help but consider Shego to be a BIT pathetic for being desperate enough to MAKE her own Kim rather than just trying to move on, she DID make it clear that she genuinely wanted to be with Kim as a person rather than just a quick lay, which makes her actions significantly more sympathetic.
Oh, and the amount of thought you put into explaining Kimila’s motives for going evil works fairly well; essentially, Kimila’s not actually Kim’s EVIL clone, she’s more her ‘morally-inhibitionless’ clone who doesn’t care quite as much about the consequences of her actions on other people (Kind of like Clark Kent in “Smallville” when he’s on red kryptonite, really).
It may be an awkward sisterly relationship between Kim and Kimila, to say the least, but it can’t be said that you didn’t do a good job at exploring it to its full extent.
Just one minor detail I object to; Shego’s comment about Kim using the mind-control shampoo on her.
Firstly, the fact that it’s something you’d apply as regularly as SHAMPOO would seem to suggest it wouldn’t last that long from the beginning, so Shego’s argument that Kim didn’t know it would wear off is technically on shaky ground, and secondly, from what I recall of “Rappin’ Drakken”, at the time Kim used it she seemed to be more acting on instinct and just attacking Shego with what was available rather than actually thinking about what she was doing.
(Of course, I DO agree with her on the Attitudinator front- when you think about it, Kim letting her remain Miss Go was definitely putting her in at least a BIT of a morally awkward position-, so the shampoo thing can be accounted for by having Shego’s resentment over the Attitudinator incident at least partly clouding her memory of the shampoo, so in general I’m OK ignoring it; just thought I’d mention it anyway)
Hope you’ll be continuing this series soon; if nothing else, the idea of Drakken having a DAUGHTER raises a not-insignificant amount of questions that REALLY need answering soon...
(Three words on why I’d appreciate an answer soon; Scary. Mental. Place.
What can I say? I’d REALLY like to get out of it...)

Quite the interesting fic!

So when are you going to update its sequel?

Alright I have to admit Blackbird that was a very good story you wrote, I found it both funny and dramatic, and I applaud you for taking the seldom used 'evil clone' route. There were a few spelling and grammar errors, but nothing that can't be fixed with a simple re-read/edit. I am left eagerly awaiting the sequel SR, don't keep us waiting now. 4/5

Bona Fide
Sic Semp Ty
Carry on.

Man, I can comment on dozens upon dozens of things when it comes to this story, your writing, this characterization...

Firstly, look up the word congruency. Look it up... come on... okay, now, I will tell you that congruency is NATURAL and WHAT MAKES HUMANS HUMAN. You do NOT meet a person who is normally adamant about one thing change their mind about it in any quick fashion, let alone several seconds. But for your story it's more than likely the other type of congruency, the "character" congruency rather than the belief congruency. Here's an example:
-
"You are not right!"

"Then prove me wrong."

Kim looked like she was about to say something but then suddenly stopped and shook her head.

"No. I’m done with this. This was a mistake to come here and try to talk some sense into you. Obviously you don’t care about anyone but yourself," she said before she turned and started to walk away.

"That’s not true! I care about other people!" Kimila defended herself.

"Really? Like who?" Kim stopped and asked.
-
Now, previously, Kimila had completely given off the impression that she DIDN'T want this talk. She was SICK and TIRED of it, and didn't want Kim butting in anymore. Yet, here, you've shown her to prolong this meeting which is not only ridiculous from her characterization's point of view, but also not congruent with how she was just FEELING.

Think about, man. Two hot-headed chicks, with sudden radical differences, argue. They both hate losing, and you make it seem like they're in the moment. You do NOT break the mood--the characters--so liberally, it is AWKWARD WRITING. You want to keep the reader IN the story, not throw them out like this.

This isn't the only part of the story that shows this, as well. A lot of the final chapter, and sporadic appearances in the earlier ones feature the same. Read it over, and look at it from how the characters really are (don't use the templates for this story because you'll only rationalize it to yourself stupidly, thus not growing or understanding). In fact, I'd like to proposition to you that you read it as two unknowns rather than Kim and Shego. The congruency aspect is far more flawed simply with the character interaction.

Forced, unnatural, incongruent with the feelings associated with the scene, rather liberal with original characters (please, comment on this, I want to see your argument), writing obviously meant to drag it out. I swear, half the stuff you've written for the scenes between Kim and Kimila are wholly unnecessary. Filler, you might say? Too bad this filler is REHASH. Rehash does not a good story make.

I have more to say, but I rather not.

this entire chapter was great. especially the conversation between kim and kimila since so many things kimila said about kim were right on the button.

That was good. The end was pretty good, although I didn't really expect more with it. Since it more felt like it was part of another story anyway. Though, I enjoyed the tender moment between Shego and Kimila. But I'm wonderingif Shego's going to mention some of her thoughts to Kimila. Like the ones she had while waiting for Kimila to wake up around the middle of the fic. As I'm sure she'd give anything Shego said about that some thought anyway. At the very least. ^_^ Anyway, thanks for posting all of this. I've really enjoyed it all. ^_^

It must have been a tough decision for Kim, helping when she knew it was going to come back and bite her on the butt later. Of course, it also opens up all kinds of uncomfortable questions for Kim as well.

And Ron gets one of his dreams to come true, Shego and Kim in a playful pillowfight. How sweet is that? lol

I think Kimila is going to want what her mother is offering soon enough, or at least some time in the future. Right now, she's fighting everything she is to be different then Kim. Problem is, she is Kim. She can deny all she wants, but it doesn't change a thing.

Drakken's a daddy? He actually had sex? Wow... who drew the short straw on that? lol

Looking forward to the next story!

Evil evil EVIL cliffhanger ending!
Oh my god, don´t do that to us poor readers, unless you have some chapters ready for the sequel already, or we might have to lock you in a closet with nothing but a computer with broadband internet and an unlimited supply of red bull and chocolatechip cookies.

Hmm.. come to think of it, would be kind of interesting reading a story written under that kind of situation...

Either way, rockin´ story, and going to go check your page now to see if you put up the next one.

Absolutely fantastic, BB! An excellent ending to an excellent story! I think Kimila and Shego are my new favorite couple. :)

I laughed out loud when I got to the end. I totally didn't see THAT coming. Lilah... was that a reference to Lilah Morgan from Angel?

I hate to sound like a broken record or an angry toddler, but "MORE!" :)

That….. Was……... FANTASTIC!

Better than I could have ever imagined. The drama, the angst, the excellent writing quality.

The dialog was in character and very powerful. I was nearly in tears during the waiting room scene. The emotions ran high with it and a simple thing as Shego saying "Thank you" is given its proper place and made realistic for her to say.

I'm amazed at how you can take a deeply dramatic scene such as Shego and Kimila saying they love each other and go straight to a pillow fight in such a beautiful fashion.

The police car bit I expected since Shego made the deal with Kim but it was still a good scene. Catwoman would be proud of those two. ;)

I must say Drakken's kid caught me by surprise. I never expected her to be so much of the "bad girl". I share Kimila and Shego's sentiments "WHAT!!" indeed. I can't wait for the next story.

A great start to an equally great series. I know what ever you try next will be the same high quality as this. :D