Hm. If you're feeling bad/sad/angry, please don't read this. I totally understand whenever your day just sucks and you want only the good things said (in which case, skip down to the next paragraph, xD). But if you're having an okay day and up for some contructive critism, well. Yeah. Anyways, your lemon wasn't really a lemon. I'm sure that thing was borderline-rape. And for Simon to just have IMMEDIATELY liked Jack after makes it seem like sex leads to love. Which, well, it's scientifically proven that it's not true. But it's not just that part, it's the whole lemon (and the leading up to). You need more description, like the squeak of the mattresses, or the light rustle of the sheets. Gasping, panting breathes, and pale-red faces that can't be seen in this light. You need paragraphs that aren't one to two lines long, and not so much dialogue. Maybe if you said that at some point, it was just irresitable and undeniable for Simon to do it with Jack, it would have made more sense. You should have passed it off as bodily urges of one or another. But you didn't, and it seriously just ruins the whole effect. And one more thing I need to touch on, you seriously made Simon go OOC in the aftermath. He's not the kind to break down. Faint yes, go totally quiet, but he's a complete introvert. And for Jack to already come to terms with his emotions is way too soon.

But here's what I LIKED about your story. I liked the format. The fact that you didn't have those disgusting lines every indent was VERY easy on the eyes. Not to mention the whole plot of it all (forbidden love has such a nice ring to it...) and how you incorporated actual FOOD (okay, well, lemonade, but still) into the whole thing is very good. You have no idea how many people just forget that we don't have...well, yeah, in this imaginary world where food/beds/other articles don't exist. I like the fact that you HAD dialogue, and that you acutally took the time to click enter. SO much easier on the eyes. I also liked your title. It's...catchy and memorable. Not to mention properly spelled. And finally, I liked the whole effect your story had. It was very sexy, but not just because of the...well, but because of the themes of forbidden love, infidelity, secrecy, and all the stuff that we can't help but be drawn to. Because of all that, it's really good that your first chapter wasn't a pitiful 500 words or something equally silly. I can't help but "ARGH" at those stories (a lot of exceptions, but those generally go with terrible grammar too...)

In closing, please don't feel offended. I rarely ever give out constructive critism, and when I do, I try to separate into the good and bad so that you might feel better? I really didn't mean to be harsh, but I think that there's just so many possible ways this story could go off and expand that it's sad that well, it has so many words and so little attention. I'll be praying that you don't take this the wrong way and start a one-sided flame war (I would be sad if that happened!) and I really, really, really hope you continue to write, improve, and of course, be a fan of LotF (specifically, JackSimon; gets bricked).

Lux,
Dreamz

please continue! I can't believe a few people only reviewed this. I love ur story, can't wait 4 the nxt chapter

WHY ARE THERE ONLY 4 REVIEWS? Omg, what's gonna happen next?

: (, character deaths. Still amazing xD, continue.

Poor Ralph is probably thinking 'what did I do to deserve this and what happened to the nice Jack.'

This story is very unique and good. Please keep writing.

I don't know why, but I laughed so hard when Simon was like "Ow! OW!! YOU'RE RAPING ME!"

Whether or not you intended it to be funny, it was.

Geez, what happened to all the reviews. Oh, what happens next? Plz continue.