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| Unbridled.mind 2008-10-12 ch 21,  | abuseInteresting. |
| Unbridled.mind 2008-10-09 ch 20, | abuseI've read the last few chapters quite a few times and I feel your fic has lost its edge. I don't know where it's going or what it's really about anymore. It may have to do with the start-stop narrative flow or some of the most interesting aspects e.g. Nathan as a character and the strange relationship he has with Jess, not being explored with enough depth to keep me, as a reader, engaged. I'm all for creative licence but keeping the characters' authenticity is a must, in any fandom. |
| BlindLoveFreeSpirit 2008-09-22 ch 20, | abuseHope she gets some h-e-l-p. |
| buddies 2008-09-17 ch 20, | abusegreat update can't wait for more |
| BlindLoveFreeSpirit 2008-09-06 ch 19, | abuseThere's lot going on, which means a lot to look forward to next chapter. Update soon. |
| buddies 2008-09-06 ch 19, | abusegreat update can't wait for more |
| buddies 2008-08-15 ch 18, | abusegreat update can't wait for more |
| BlindLoveFreeSpirit 2008-08-15 ch 18, | abuseGood jod. There were some fillers, but good job nonetheless. |
| Unbridled.mind 2008-08-10 ch 18, | abuseI don't really know what to say. I suppose my only advice is be careful not to make your characters one note. Jess' eulogy was nice though. |
| BlindLoveFreeSpirit 2008-08-07 ch 17, | abuseWell that worked out nicely. Please update. |
| buddies 2008-08-03 ch 17, | abusegreat update can't wait for more |
| Unbridled.mind 2008-08-03 ch 17, | abuseI'm glad you updated. |
| Unbridled.mind 2008-08-01 ch 16, | abuseI find that that when people write FF they tend to bring their personal ideologies onto the characters e.g. by domesticating Nicole or making Jess a victim. The emphasis on their domestic/personal lives is the crux of the story and for that I commend you, but there are times it feels like a slow burner because mundane things are described and conversations have fluff/filler in them. Sometimes it's better to describe what happens (in the background) rather than put it in a conversation as it can make your readers feel patronised and the story feel less fluid. Less words can make the same or even a more poignant effect. I hope you update soon. |
| buddies 2008-07-28 ch 15, | abusecan't wait for more |
| BlindLoveFreeSpirit 2008-07-28 ch 15, | abuseIt's coming along extremely well. I can't wait for more...I can't. |