I'm not sure but is this the chappie you wanted me to check out? If it is it is good! Keep on writing. I really hope you come back to The Outsiders fandom.

Much, much better. I love it. :)

Always remember to use description and detail in your stories,and your stories are pretty good,we all just need a little help now and then and I promise I'm not here to flame you I'm just trying to help make your story develope,if you need any ideas or help writing any new stories you can PM me and let me know and I'll see what I can do to help you,I'm just starting and having a little trouble myself but there are plenty of good betas out there all you gotta do is ask them,and I know your trying your best,that's all you can do and if you feel I'm flaming you PM me and let me know and I'll try to explain things better.
Tim Shepard's Gurl

Things wrong with this story (and I'm going by chapter):

1) It's written as if it was by a little kid. The sentences are choppy.

2) You plunged into the story. No descriptions. No info or anything. You tell us what happened and then keep going. I suggest you add more descriptions of how she looked like or of how Inuyasha's father looked like, because obviously, she couldn't just automatically know, unless he told her. No one is pyschic.

3)The script format really doesn't work because you treat it as if it were a script and when you do decided to add description, you treat it as if it was in story format when in actuality you put the description in parentheses next to the character's names.

4)You just stopped it in the middle.

Honestly, this is a really stupid fic, and I don't get it. I hope this doesn't offend you.

Peace. Love. Emoness.

Oh my. Well I do appreciatee the fact that the third chapter became more story formatted than a simple play format. Though I will admit that even writing it as a script one must use detail and not simply dialog. Something to keep in mind.

I like the idea you have, though you may want to stray from phrases like "I mean" when it isn't a specific portion of dialog. It isn't professional and it hinders you as a writer. Attempt to focus on your details, it will make your chapters longer. And attempt to focus more on your grammar and punctuation--more so on the latter as it would seem.

Also, this is not complete. You stopped in the middle it would seem, you could go on about Inuyasha actually finding Kagome and then perhaps dig further into Inuyasha's family.

That is all I have to say on this. Know that this is merely a critique and not a flame. Thank you.

Peace,
Cat

Add more to the story Please Please Please!

Okay, I liked the last chapter better than the first two, but I'm very confused. I think I missed something important.

And that is so not an ending. You can do so much with this story! SO much! InuYasha's family is a mystery and you can twist it which-ever way you want! So WHY are you stopping here?!? This story has INFINITE possibilities!

...I like it but it's sorta confusing. Try using the stuff like this:
"blah blah blah blah, yadda," she/he said.
Or: Sango said, "Ahh!" and petted him. Just giving you some advice. Please don't yell at me.
--Ja Ne. Oh, I do love it. It's Awsome Very well planned out!

UPDATE SOON PLEASE SOUND REALLY GOD SO FAR PLEAS UPDATE SOON. JA-NE