Don't get this as a flame please.

Just wanted to post that Lucius Verus wasn't Commodus' son, he was the son of Lucilla's husband, Lucius, who died. Lucius even says so to Maximus ''what's your name?'' ''Lucius Verus... after my father''. Lucilla never married nor gave birth to any son of Commodus, Commodus (the real one and the movie one) died without any descendant.

and just a comment about the writing style, if doing a serious/tragic moment -like the one in the story- don't put things like ''(and sister...yuck)'' cause it kinda stops the rythm, takes you out of the story and makes you even hear the narrator saying it, wipes you out the drama and story, as a counsel, never put your own oppinion if you're describing something, it always cuts the story.

Apart from that, good job.

Yea! Well... not that everyone died, but it was very good! That's depressing that the boy saw uh... what's her face kill Commodus. And uh... Was that boy really there son? I always thought he had a different father that had died... oh well. If that is his son, that's the nastiest thing I've ever heard of!

You have a good hand with writing short stories. This is interesting...I almost feel bad for the poor fellow! ;) It's nice to meet another Christian who can tolerate this kind of thing.

*Hot_Topic_Girl_248*

::sobs:: Wy are there Commodus fans? WHY?

! You know I was actually happy that Commodus won instead of little Maximus, but he had to die! WHY! Dammit, that was so unexpected! Why did you have to kill him? (I'm a Commodus fan, obviously :))

That was excellent. That would have been a good end for the movie.

cool idea, but the execution wasn't worthy of it ... give us a little more depth, and drama. everything happens rather quickly. keep writing.

Nice.

What a great story! I really enjoy reading this fanfic. Iam not really great with feedback, but I enjoyed the flow and the writing style of your work. I haven't seen this topic really been done, so Iam glad to see it being so well written. Great job and I hope you write much more in the future! Akizuki

short... but good... i sense rage against Maximus being killed at all...