I always wanted to play Shadowman. It was well-received but didn't sell particularly well, as I recall. In any event, this is all to preface the fact that I am not entirely familiar with the fandom. This may in fact be a good thing here.

I like this. The ending sequence is rushed and the language can sometimes run away with itself, but in general I think this is a solid first draft. It only needs a little sanding and clean-up to be something truly creepy, evocative, and satisfying.

Really, the only weak link in the content is that aforementioned final scene with Legion. I like the image and think that it should remain there, but the scene unfortunately betrays a lot of what I can only assume is the upcoming plot. I would scale the information given by Legion back. Enough to make ol' Jack kill himself in joy, but not enough to spoil The Big Plan. At the same time, I think you can draw out Legion's entrance a bit and expand on the effect he has on Pierce.

Watch out for run-on sentences, which are few here but occasionally pop up noticeably.

I love that final paragraph.

I look forward to where this might go. I'm experiencing the plot for the first time, so it's definitely going to be an adventure.