Reviews for Raison D'etre - FanFiction.Net

Reviews For: Raison D'etre - Reviews: Page 1 of 2

Xiao Ahrima 2007-11-24 ch 1,	abuseOh you had best be updating this fic! I love it! Ranma's expressions and the way he atcs is just hilarious!
Six-string Samurai 2007-11-23 ch 1,	abusethis one's interesting too.
P.H. Wise 2007-08-10 ch 1,	abuseNot bad.
Shadow Rave 2007-07-26 ch 1,	abuseTo answer your question? Liked it. A lot. I hope you plan on continuing this. Looks very interesting. Keep up the good work.
Ozzallos 2007-07-26 ch 1,	abuseHm... I say, Hm... Will be interesting to see where Ranma's role in the chobits plot will be. Unless... GASP. RANMA IS A CHOBITS! DUN-DUN-DA! Well, I'll know for sure the first time she splashed herself ;) Anyway, i'm in. [x] Add story to my Story Alert list
Sopchoppy 2007-07-25 ch 1,	abuseIntrigued, I am looking forward to seeing where you go with this. A few comments. Reading your profile it says that english is not your first language. I am very impressed by your skill in it. I am going to point out a few grammatical and structual errors that I saw when reading it. I hope that this is alright. This sentence has grammatical errors and seems very awkward. Be careful to maintain the same tense in a single sentence: Ranma groggily pushed herself up into sitting position and turned around to take her surround; it looked like she was in the middle of a deserted street. She glanced up at the midnight black sky and shivered a little. Should be more like this: Ranma groggily pushed herself up into a sitting position, turning to take in her surroundings. It looked like she was in the middle of a deserted street. She glanced up at the midnight sky and shivered a little. midnight black sky -> this sounds awkward you should pick midnight or black to describe the sky here. This sentence also needs work: Ranma ears perked up instantly; what the heck was that!? She started sprinting towards the direction where she reckoned the scream came from. She maybe tired and as lost as the Pig boy himself, but above all that she was a martial artist damn it! And it is also a martial artist’s duty to help people in trouble. After a couple of seconds of hard running, Ranma came across a sight she had hoped not to see; a young man carrying the prone body of a nude girl. Maybe it should be rephrased like this: Instantly Ranma's ears perked up. 'What the heck was that!?' She thought as she started sprinting in the direction of the scream. Tired and as lost as Pigboy she was still a martial artist and it was her duty to help people in trouble. A couple seconds of hard running later Ranma came across a young man carrying a nude and unconcious girl in his arms. This was exactly the type of thing she had hoped not to see. You are also tending to Drop tenses and Possessives which can seriously disrupt the flow of a reader. Ex: “I… ah… t-this isn’t what it looks like!” He half screamed half squeal at her. ...Should Be: He half screamed, half squealed at her. Some words you have simple mixed up a little: Ex: “Trash? Steal? Thief?” Ranma recited his words in confusion with her eyes brow knitted. eyes brow -> eyebrows Ex: The redhead slowly got up; her head still spun when she moved too quickly but she was becoming more and more alert by the second. She moved to dust herself off but found herself starring at her attire in quasi-shock. Fixed: The redhead slowly got up; her head spinning with the movement. Steadying herself she was becoming more alert by the second. She started to dust herself off, but stopped in quasi-shock at the attire she was wearing. You also are sometimes using 'the' where 'a' would be more appropriate: She looked down at the final result and allowed herself a small smile for the job well done. should be: ...a small smile for a job well done. Ex: Having picked a direction in random Should be: ...a direction at random. I think your story is overall well written, but you might want to look into a grammatical pre-reader to get you over some ruff spots. Looking forward to the next installment. -Sopchoppy
SAMPSON12187 2007-07-25 ch 1,	abuseKinda confusing on how exactly Ranma ended up in that world, originally I thought you made her into a persocom, but looks like you didn't. Though i would like to see more of this story...and more of your other stories as well. ^^
yellulhchicken 2007-07-24 ch 1,	abuseHnn while the story is ... not bad ... it is not quite as good as your other fics. shinku-chan(can i call you shinku-chan? ^_^; ), sniff sniff doushite?? wakaranai desho! (um was that right??) your " Like Folding Papers" is lying untouched, so is " Sentiment for the Remaining Flowers". won't you continue them?? pease?? pretty please? pretty please with sugar on top?? :D
ulysses 2007-07-24 ch 1, anon.	abusePlease keep on writing this story i like where is going.
MingShun 2007-07-24 ch 1, anon.	abuseIt's an interesting start. I didn't see anything wrong with the characters personality wise, although you pushed it a little when Ranma flipped at Nabiki.
steinerdavion2183 2007-07-24 ch 1,	abuseHm, nice. Actually this is the first Ranma/Chobits crossover I have ever seen. Judging by the way you write, I would say that you did a pretty good job. Keep it up, and will be following to see more chapters churned out.
gen x 2007-07-24 ch 1, anon.	abuseIt's original. I'll say that.
ranma girl 14 2007-07-24 ch 1,	abuseYou should continue, wonder if Ranma is gonna stay with Hideki? plz plz plz update soon ^_^
Coengar2 2007-07-24 ch 1, anon.	abuseVery interesting. As it just so happens, i like both of these series a lot and i'm looking forward to seeing more of this series in the future. Are you planning on making Ranma a persocom too (perhaps with dealing with Chi neither Ranma or Hedaki have noticed if Ranma was one as well) or is Ranma simply going to be a displaced person. Are you planning on just rehashing the Chobits story line with Ranma thrown in or are you going to do a variant storyline? Either way, i'll be keeping an eye out for the next chapter, keep up the good work.
CatOnFire 2007-07-24 ch 1,	abuseUm, WTF?! Well I like Ranma crossovers, but this story is a touch boring since I've watched the first few episodes of the Chobits series, and this chapter mostly follows the original episode with no real divergence. It's not that it is bad it's that it lack the quality I expect form you. Maybe because it's so short, or the plot device used to bring Ranma to the Chobits world was so obscure, or... Erm, as of right now I don't really like it, but I do trust you to improve on what's here thus far so I'll give it another chance. Till, next chapter.

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