i think this one is alot better :]

I like the idea and the revised version. The first one was to... how do I put this nicely... hmm?... it was a bit confusing, but well thought of. But the Revised version, that was good. A slip of the toung from Ash and Misty trying to avoid it, funny. Little quick too. Anyway I liked it so that's all that matters.

P.S. I would be greatly honored if you read my first fic "Keeping Memories" which is copmpleted. I am also currently working on 2 other fics.

and a bit of wise wisdom...

Write from the Heart

much better

The second draft, while less than stellar, is at least a large improvement over the first. However, I have a question:

How would Onix "go underground and send them flying" if they were in a hot air balloon? I mean, he could use Sandstorm or Rock Throw, but digging does not tend to work on airborne targets.

Yeah, I agree. The first draft of this fic was quite pathetic. Though, this really seemed to add in more detail of things that happened. Though, the love statement Ash made could easily be explained in several ways. As in, Ash only loving Misty as a sister or something is possible, though knowing how you view that pairing it would be unlikely. ^_^ Though, I like it where the ending ends in a way that it feels finished, but more could be added. Not like how they do it in some movies like in Godzilla 20 where the egg is starting to hatch at the end. It really doesn't feel like an ending. More of a continuation piece. Anyway, thanks for having this up. ^_^ I really enjoyed it.

(-o-) (yawn) Boring...
And if your too dumb to get what the little picture is about at the beginning of this, it's of someone yawning you **!

Cute! But writing the Japense names is kinda confusin for someone who hasn't heard them before.

Awww that was sooo sweet! This is the first of your works that I'm reading....now I'll continue on to the next one. Till then.

that was good..... but i got a little confused with the japenese names. please keep with the English names!!!!!

Ummm...well...truth be told, that was a bit to short in my opinion and well, I think it lacked description and some character building. But hey, who am I to talk, my fanfics can't even compare to yours!

Lovely. Even though some parts were confusing (who's Miharu? Why did you use some Pokemon's English names when you used the people's Japanese names?), and it was a little rushed, I still liked it. Good job!

Please make those Jap names AMERICAN!

Ur first romance fic? Well, that was pretty good for your first. *Maura*

that was really kawaii.

sweet