Reviews for Sonic: Power from within

Reviews For: Sonic: Power from within

MesaATLien 2008-05-06 ch 1,	abuseThe only major thing that needs to be fixed is the grammar and punctuation. It makes it hard to enjoy the story. If you're not into that, then just get a beta that will edit it for you. No stress for you. Haha "Eggbliveator" Not hatin on you're word, but make up one that's easily flows. I had a hard time readin this one... I like your discriptions so far, just work on some word uses. There nothing wrong with using big words (its important to color your language) but use them in context so people wont have to grab for a dictionary. (For example, I was highly confused when I saw "multitudinous" Even a smarty like me couldn't figure out what that meant...haha) Haha, I like how you made yourself a character. I'm just not comfortable wit that, so big ups to you. Another thing would be to have a little more story before Sonic comes back to life, I just thought it was too sudden. It's pretty good. I like it.
Imprisoned Fire 2007-11-10 ch 1,	abuseThe story is much easier to read now that there isn't so many bold letters. There are a few things that are confusing though. You didn't tell us the setting until the eighth pharagrph. So while Sonic is fighting, we have to make up our own settings. And the first thing that came to my mind was a demolished city deserted of people, not the cold isolation of space. So when you suddenly said space station I was confused. You need to describe the setting. Not only well this help the readers make a clear image of what's happening in their mind, it can help istablish a mood for the story as well. Like if it's the Ark, then the floors are probably filthy after fifty years. Sonic's blood could be staining the already durt covered metal. The air could be heavy with tension of what's to come. The gun fire and panic might make Sonic suddenly imagin the ark when gun invaded, picture the scene as something not that different from what's happening now. And why aren't Shadow and the others helping Sonic? Are they trapped or something, injured by chance? Did they came just to stand by and watch Sonic die? They out number Eggman five to one, so to fight in a group would make more sense. And even if the robot rivals Sonic's skills, so does Shadow's. He at the very least would be able to help. And Knuckles could try to blow out the lower part of the robot while Sonic detracts Eggman. When it comes to physical strength, Knuckles is way stronger then Sonic. He might not be faster, but he is stronger. Another bit of advice, if you have to put (means such and such a thing) after a word, it's probably best if you don't use the word. When useing words like that in writing, what you do is say something in the sentence, or before or after the word, that can help the reader guess and understand what it means. If you must use the word and feel you should explain what it means, put some kind of mark after it. Like (1) and then explain the word at the end of the chapter. I advise against that too, but it is better then what you're doing now. I can't find anything perticulerly wrong with the title, though you need to capitolize "Within". Only words like "the", "and", "or", "for", "a" and so forth are in lower case. Unless it's the first word in the title, then it's capitolized. You may want to think about dropping the "Sonic" and just calling it Power from Within. To me, that sounds better. Has a more catchy sound to it.. or something like that... But that's just me. I think this might be the longest review I have ever sent. Hope I helped some, if at all.
A.J.loves.10 2007-07-29 ch 1,	abusekeep goin its good so far :) love - sonikkuxames

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