   Alexander - Godslayer
2009-03-30 . chapter 7Hey there, Alexlayer from DA here to fulfill a promise. It took me longer than I thought to finish reading this fic, but a promise is a promise, so here I am with my review about this nicely done fanfic.
It wasn’t all perfect, I may say. It had really nice part, a pretty acceptable work on the character development, although a bit of… implausibility on some of the portrayals, if I may say. Some where just details that felt kinda weird and… a bit contradictory, like calling James and retard in the first scene of the final chapter and then having him acting as quite a wise father. I mean, his portrayal there was actually really nice, but the previous word felt both unnecessary and misplaced.
The one portrayal that did bother me, though, was Ron’s. He just seemed quite more aggressive in this story than in the show, and even most fanfics I’ve read. Sure, I know he can stand up when its needed, but he acting so resentfully – and possessive – was kinda distasteful if you ask me. It certainly worked for the story, though, whenever it was a sort of bad propaganda to his character or actual view of the writer, it put him in a demanded, even if unfair, place for the story.
Monique’s portrayal, now, was a nice one, though a bit forced and rushed in my opinion. Maybe it’s only because we didn’t see much of Monique’s training and how she felt while preparing herself to become Kimo, but sometimes it seemed as if she had passed from a heartbroken girl to someone with strong – and quite imposing – personality way too fast and lacking a bit of development that would have been appreciated if done nicely (And I say “if done nicely” because I know that sometimes, those parts of a story can fall into the category of boring if not given something to make them entertained). Nevertheless, it kinda helped that sometimes Monique, even as Kimo, acted somewhat vulnerable. This… how should I put it? You could say that… unbalances the solidness of the character a bit, but at least doesn’t turn Kimo into a derivate of a Mary Sue.
In the overall, I say it was an interesting work on Monique’s character and a good set up for the situations the fic brought about. I’ll leave it as that.
Moving on now to the start of the show: Kim. The solidness of her portrayal is, while not perfect (as sometimes I would have liked some more in-insight on her confused mind), even better than Monique’s. Her original reaction (rejection to the idea of a female lover, and all it implied and came with) was understandable, but the development was there, working little by little and hinting that something was going on in her mind, until Monique ends up putting it clear in the end. It was quite good, even if a bit confusing at some times, but it was fair and square for our protagonist.
Now, the story itself brought about interesting circumstances. Personally, I would have liked it to have more of the… “original tone”, to put it somehow, that it carried over with scenes like Kimo sneaking in Kim’s house at night. That brought about more tension that all of Kimo’s direct “confrontations” against Kim and Ron to break them, not to mention, it made up a nice and unique atmosphere that, unfortunately, felt kinda lost afterwards. Except for the ending.
I actually really liked the ending. Originally, when it said that this was the final chapter, it kinda felt hard to believe. I mean, I thought for a moment that everything would need to be rushed in order to give Kim and Monique a happy ending together, but it worked out by giving them a not-perfect, yet heartwarming conclusion. Monique has managed to really become Kim’s “Phantom” lover, as she’s a secret to everyone else. And whenever things might work out or not, it’s left up to the reader’s assumptions. The stated situation sort of revives the feeling which brings about the beauty of this fic, that’s why I liked it that much. ^_^
Some times, the narration would feel kinda… weird. I mean, what was up with Ron calling Monique “Kimo” in chapter six, as if mocking her because he had discovered her identity, but later forgetting all about this? That kinda threw me off for a moment and there was no explanation later as far as I’ve noticed. And in the same manners (and around the same part of the fic), sometimes it was hard to understand how much Kim knew about what was being kept secret from her. I’m just saying you… should try to be a little less confusing in this aspect, unless your intention actually was to confuse the reader, in which case I… am really not sure of what to say. Working with confusion can be quite hard sometimes, or so I think when I’m writing.
With that said, I think I’ve covered every aspect of the fic I can speak of. I hope you can appreciate this review, with its critics and all, and use it both for motivation and becoming a better writer. That’s what we’re all trying to do when writing, right? I myself have been having plenty of troubles with my own writing as well, specially with the weird pairing I’m working with. But anyway, enough about me. Nice work with this fic, and I wish you the best of lucks with anything you write in the future.
With that said, I bid you farewell, and good writing! |
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