I feel sorry 4 all nine of them.

Cool story. Please don't kill Deidara. He didn't even want to be an akatsuki member and Itachi had to battle him to get him to join. At least let him join Konohas side and help them. Update soon.

why do you do that to me? everything about the jinchuurikis just make me wanna cry, i cried at Katashi's death, at Shinobu reading his will (he left everything to the other),at Moriko for not know how parents are, at Riko and Gaara ( i want so much that Gaara say "i love you"), at Yugito for not being able to feel anything! please finish this story

God, i'm crying with Riko, right now, its unfair, i wanted her and Gaara to be together!

i loved Gaara confession of how he felt about Naruto- beautiful and makes total sense because Naruto save all of them, give them a life, a home, a family( i feel like crying), and the others knowing why naruto left was amazing!

yes, sasuke deserved that! poor Kakashi

wow really liked how you put the broken mirror reference, always wanted to read a fic about all the jinchuutikis and this is one i really liked! The way you changed the story making Sasuke stay in konoha and all them calling him traitor! Mikoto and Varg are so cool! And Gaara with Riko makes me giggle rsrsrs

Sniff...

it is hard to read this without shed one or two tears... I hope there's no real pairing in this fic, I just thought that that will be more painful, it already hurt as it is... thank you, and sorry for being all sappy...

Why, after sending people to kill them, does Tsunade now find them irredeemable? Why not after the last squad? It is very difficult not to an opponent when they are trying to kill you. It makes no sense to send a team of hunter-nin.

Why, after sending people to kill them, does Tsunade now find them irredeemable? Why not after the last squad? It is very difficult not to kill an opponent when they are trying to kill you. It makes no sense to send a team of hunter-nin after them and then expect them not to fight back. Tsunade is not an idiot.

Up until this point I was really enjoying this story. Unfortunately this chapter broke what was left of my suspension of disbelief. Ninja villages are supposed to be the centers of one kind of military power (ninja) of an ENTIRE NATION. Where are the guards? Where are the patrols? Where are the sensors? Naruto and Gaara are both terrifyingly powerful, even at this stage, but they are not subtle and neither would have anything like the skill to break into the headquarters and main base of operations of an unfriendly military power. And that is assuming that they didn't contain two of the largest sources of chakra in the known world. Ever try sneaking around whilst holding a flare?

You need to add more difficulty in getting these two into the village or the entire premise is just ridiculous. How did Konoha even have difficulty against this village in the war if they all (or even most) gather in one (apparently vulnerable) place and conduct a ritual that drains chakra from an entire village? Don't get me wrong, I love the idea of imperfect seals, but they are completely ridiculous as you have them now. A ritual requiring the chakra of many people makes sense, but not everyone and not in a place someone can just waltz into.

Everything up until this point was so nicely realised. I just don't understand why you would forget something so vitally important. It's not as if it requires much in the way of explanation. You could even have Nii Yugito out on a mission and Kurama could sense her or something, you don't need them to go to the village.

Put basically, if you are going to write a story about Naruto that is not using the Canon story as a baseline (and I love that you don't, it is silly how many people feel the need to) then you need to take into account the consequences of what you write and create would have on a heavily militarised world like the one Naruto takes place in. Think through what you write whilst keeping up the creativity and quality of writing you have maintained so far, along with looking at the consequences your ideas would bring to this world, and this could be excellent.

Obviously, since you have written so much more now I am not expecting you to change everything on the off-chance that you take my advice, but if you do want to change or add bits, I feel this chapter needs some. Infiltrating a hostile power just shouldn't be that easy.

yes, very depressing, its quite an amazing story though, it flows so well

this is very depressing but seriously well written, you should try to become an author :D

this sounds cool, I hope there's romance.. :D