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| fireofthetorch 2007-09-26 ch 12,  | abuseHm, now I'm really interested in how this is all going to come together. The distant past with Seymour, Falcon, and others; the nearer past with Lash and Hawke, and the present with Jess, Sonja, and the merc. I have absolutly no idea how these different elements are going to come together. But, I like that in a story. It keeps me reading. Anyway, this is another great chapter, but aren't they all. |
| fireofthetorch 2007-09-24 ch 11, | abuseOoh, and the plot gets thicker. Nice new chapter, and I'm getting fonder of your writing style. Keep it up with more excellent chapters! |
| Texan Rebel 2007-09-08 ch 8, | abuseNice work, I am practically on edge here. please update soon! |
| keeperofthescarf 2007-09-07 ch 8, | abuseIt's nice to see the plot moving forward again, as well as a nice cliffhanger here at the end of ch. 8. The only real critique I have is that things aren't particularly exciting anywhere. The intrigue of Seymour's past and Sonja/Jess/Lash in the present is interesting, but it is better to have them alternated with action and more imminent suspense. If it weren't for the last sentence leading into something shocking, the next chapter could probably be predicted easily as "Sonja and Jess solve another riddle. Lash thinks about the past. Seymour is in the past doing something with Raven." You don't want the chapters to end up all following the same formula, or they'll get old. That being said, you're still a good author, and I'll be looking forward to future chapters! |
| BlackSheepWall 2007-08-17 ch 5, | abuseI like. Feel that you might want to slow down though, develop the narrative a bit. Other than that, good job! |
| ossosasin 2007-08-12 ch 4, | abuseive read mindgames too and there the best stories ive read on this whole site. keep writing |
| Orangen 2007-08-06 ch 3, | abuseYou know, it's nice to see another side of Lash. Especially with Hawke being so nice to her and such. Also, the backgrounds of Seymour with Lash and Jess are very interesting... |
| Texan Rebel 2007-08-03 ch 2, | abusePretty good. Does Lash go back to her old self later or what? Keep it comming! |
| keeperofthescarf 2007-08-01 ch 2, | abuseGood stuff. :) You might want to just slow down a bit - it looks like you missed a few mistakes that could have been avoided with a careful check, like typing "on" instead of "one". I'm really interested in the whole Lash/Seymour dynamic, as it explores a side of Lash and her history that usually isn't explored. I wanna find out more about her and Seymour! |