OK. I waited to complete this story before reviewing.

I have to say that I don't usually like self insert stories but yours was well done and well reasoned and I liked that a lot. I thought it was a little preachy at times but that is the right of the author to deliver whatever message they would like, it didn't really take away from the whole.

Comment 1: I find it interesting that a lot of people will identify "Lemons" before in their stories to give readers the opportunity to avoid descriptions that they find offensive or just dislike while not having to abandon the story as a whole. However authors never do that with any other message, be that political or religious.
Question: Do you believe "lemons" should be separately identified and if so why should that treatment not apply to religious and political commentary.

Comment 2: Throughout your story you use logic as the foundation not only for your characters decision making but also as a tool to make logical conclusions based on JK's cannon as well as her subsequent comments and interviews. Then you get to Ron and you just amp up his evil without real logical justification. You admit freely that JK's character development was ridiculously flawed only to do the same thing to Ron. You correctly identify all the reasons for his behavior and then simply abandon him. Bellatrix is the second only to Voldemort in her evil and you find a way to forgive her and integrate her but the best you can do for Ron is chuck him off to France. And even in that supposed opportunity for him you still leave him threatened against something you made up him doing to justify your dismissal.
Question: Where does all the Ron hate come from?

What the hell? Ron gets a book on how to talk to and complement girls and it never says he has sex with Hermione. You made it sound like he controlled her and raped her. what the fuck is wrong with you?
Also I can not take the ranting anymore. We don’t need to know all the thoughts in his head.
You have a great idea here and a really interesting plot, but I also think it would be a lot better if you trashed 50% of each of your later chapters. Most of the extra info really makes your story less enjoyable to read.

He couldn't just say the boy puts his thing into the girls thing? Sperm comes out of the boy and goes into the girl fertialing an egg and makes a baby? I’ll never understand long confusing explanations when it takes less then a min to say that. Also like to point out I was telling other kids that when I was 6 and they asked. The idea that Hermione didn't find this out already by other children is stange.

ok 'Lucius was more interested in Draco than his wife's company'
That so sounds like he's more sexually interested in his son then his wife. I'm assumeing that is not what you meant, but it sounded like it and I am rather disturbed.
Anyways. Good chapter at least Lockhart was ranting about somthing I didn't know for a change.

I really like your story as you have a very different way of going about it. I do have to say I'm losing interest the more he rants. We know that there are plotholes, but he goes on and on about it. I would rather some more dialog between the characters or there thoughts besides just lockhart ranting.
I think you bring up some very good and normally not talked about views on religion.
As someone that hates all religions I’m surprised I’m not more annoyed with the direction that’s going in. I just wanted to say that while I dislike it myself I commend you on bring such a controversial aspect into your story without insulting those of us that couldn’t disagree more.
I hope you keep writing this story, but I also I hope you shorten Lockhart’s detailed views and thoughts because its really starting to become to much.

Please write sequel soon.

great

Make him the more powerful you can, I hate authors who for fear of overpowering the main character make him a weakling.

I read the whole story since well, it was entertaining.
The first chapter was even promising.

But later, two very big problems developed.
Similiar to "Partially Kissed Hero", the author obviously had no storyline planned in the beginning, therefore it is absolutely not consistent (p.e. Dumbledore is being changed during the story from a respected headmaster to the incarante of all evil) and - also similiar to "Partially Kissed Hero", the author cannot hold back and just includes every thought that pops up in his mind into the stroy. His thoughts about characters, ideas, crossovers etc.
This is what makes this story quite a bit disappointing.

What is shocking about it, is the religious content. In fact, in this story on of the things that is most wrong about naive piety, religiousness, righteousness is shown: The protagonist is sooooo very sure to be always right, that his actions are righteous. This goes so far as DRINKING TEA is emphazised to be very much against his oh-so-strict-morals, while he does not even THINK! about the ethics of killing hundreds of people, setting of an EMP over London and messing with lots of people in a far more drastic way than "Manipulative! Dumbledore" ever could.
By the way: Just favoring one's own friends and family is certainly NOT more ethical than trying to work towards "the greater good". In fact, favoring one's one wishes (and by extension those of one's friends etc) over all others is the very definition of unethical behavious, since to act ethically, one has to assume the perspective of an unparticipating observer.

Entertaining story, but I would be positively afraid if I knew the author in real life.

I read this once, a long time ago (I believe it was about 10 chapters long at the time), and could never find it again to finish it. I have to say, it is as good as I remembered. I do hope you still continue to write even if this story is finished. I loved Gilderoy/Jared- its by far the best blatantly self insertion fic I've read. My initial thought when I read the summary was it would be about a Gilderoy that didn't run when dragged to face a basilisk, but I definitely underestimated you.

Oh, one thing I did take umbrage at though, was a bit a few chapters back about the Catholic church. You got the doctrine right, but not that we don't claim divine inspiration. We do- that's the point of "Doctors of the Church", whose writings are considered revelations as important to church canon as the bible in many cases, and supplement it on issues that are not covered in the original text. I don't mind if you say you don't *believe* it is divinely inspired, but it's pretty rude/ignorant to say we don't believe it to be.

That's just one small part though, so I hope you don't see it as a condemnation of your whole work (even though some of the morality lectures did sound a bit like you were practicing for a speaking engagements for the Mormons). I did enjoy the main story line.

nice twist on the aberforth/goat thing...

Hmm... so at first Gilderoy is taking care of all these problems in typical self-insert fashion... then he kills the Dursleys. In cold blood. Interesting direction, and I'm sure there will be repercussions...

Brilliant.

Really, Brilliant.

As I said, Brilliant.

At this point, I'm jealous that I didn't get a marriage proposal from Morticia... (oco)

I have too much to say that would involve much bouncing and squealing so I'll just stick with; YOU'RE STORY IS &*!# * AWESOME!

:D

Yuu

I like it