This is so cool! Anna seems like a nice person, and I really like Mikey too. He's a funny guy. I can guess why Kratos keeps looking at Anna like he does. She probably looks and/or acts just like the real Anna. That would be so painful; being reminded that everyday the love of your life is dead and can never come back. It must feel terrible. I look forward to more, so please update soon! Ganbatte!

:D:

-shrug- It's not bad. Having your OC not pair up with anyone is a good idea to keep her from becoming too... Mary-Sue-ish. And on a side note, is she still using that broom to attack?

-nohaydeque-

...I won't say it's bad or anything, but... You know what the Monster List has? It has the name, the stats, the HP, the TP, the resistances, the weaknesses, the items given if they lose or gets robbed (by Colette), the gald, the level, pretty much everything. And how in the world can Mikey then remember all that for a list with at least 234 monsters? AND, Kratos is a 'monster' as well. If Mikey finish the list and writes everything down, then they would see his name, and-... you've most likely gotten the picture by now.

I may misunderstand here, but if that I read was true, I have to say something. If Raine though you were a bit, you know, 'coco' in the head, then she shouldn't just assume you aren't just because you tell her a slightly sad story from your past. It's not like people change their mind at once; they need time.

...Look, why wouldn't Raine just ask (or Ask :P) Kratos how he's capable to use magic? She doesn't know, and then she can't just assume that when Kratos can, then you can, too. I don't know if you see the little wrong thing here, but the way Raine suddenly changes her mind was, like, out of the blue.

And, I don't mean to be rude, but you first gives away trouble for you and Mikey, but then you just need one single act, and everything is resolved. If that's the case, you didn't need to start the touble in the first place. Raine is that kind of person who don't just trust another's word like that and forget it; she's like me and wants to be SHOWED, not TOLD. So it's a little strange that she just agree like that, especially because she still can't trust you for the sky-fall (so no, I can't accept that she suddenly believes you and wants to be your friend. Raine and Kraots are the only ones who seem to care about the Chosen who's going to regenerate the world, and the only ones who understand that it can be traitors everywhere who wants to kill her).

And now the suffix from Japanese pops in! I guess it's to expect when both of you can Japanese, but hey... I hope it was just because you wanted to, not because for show-off... I'm sorry, I'm being in bad mood again ^^;

...Please tell me that wasn't Japanese? Pwease? I know I've told before that I easily get annoyed when self-inserters use other languages, because it's very many times where they just do it to look cool.
and you know, that whatchya-call-it thingy reminded me of the most annoying stereotypical heroine in animé. The heroine is strong, is popular and has good friends. However, SHE thinks she isn't capable to protect anybody, so people have to tell her 'that' and 'that', and then she understands 'this' and 'this', and suddenly, she gets a attack that none others have, because, you know, she's the HEROINE, so she needs a special attack no one knows of. Sorry, but that's a very popular heroine, but for me, it's the most annoying, and it's almost impossible to make them perfect in my eyes. But I'm being in bad and selfish mood today ^^;

What? Something weird happened, and they think about where a stupid dog is? Not that I mean Noishe is stupid, but when something like THAT has happened, you don't just notice where a green-white monster-dog is :P

Oh, and you continue to put in capital letters here and there.

Otherwise, I think it's pretty good. It's probably just me being selfish and bitchy when it comes to the Tsubasa no Sheruta. By the way, what does that means? You forgot to tell us.

If you can just get rid off your bad habits, I think this will turn out to be a very good story. I can't wait to see Tamara ^^

...Is it just me, or do you and Mikey talk about much, except how they were supposed to go back home? I'm not sure, but it would be a little more logically if you two at least discussed how and why you had come to Sylvarant. You know, teenagers who are in their age suddenly get zapped to a whole another world that isn't supposed to exist, and with (technically) complete strangers around them. I know that you know how you got zapped, but it always helps talking about it so someonde you know might understand.

Hey, I know that Lloyd maybe is a dork enough to risk Colette's life and all, but surely Kratos or Raine would get suspicious toward you and Mikey (ignoring the fact that Raine is that)? I mean, at least Mikey, who they just met. They're adults and understand things better than Lloyd, and they're not like Colette and Genis who follow Lloyd in whatever he does.
...BUT, it's because you resembles someone to him, right? I knew I had taken it wrong.

And why are everyone suddenly so concerned about you? It's a scratch, okay. They're in the dessert, okay. But Kratos, who usually hides his feeling, shouldn't-... oh, that was true; you remind him of someone. Forgot that.
And NO, I'm not being sarcastic.
And why do you yell when everybody are sitting next to you?

I'll give you the most likely last warning: read through your chapter before uploading; it's full of capital letters where they shouldn't be.

About that "are you worried about Tam?" and Mikey's reaction. Duh, usually it's oblivious when you're worried about your fiancée. But that's just ignoreable poitment, so ignore me.

I forgot to ask this: does that "see the people's past by looking at their eyes"-thing means animals too? And as we're in the subject, how come you know he has a paines expression when you don't see his eyes? It isn't like you can see the expression by looking at the ears or lips ^^;

Yes! Mikey is engaged! He can be good friend with you without being in love!
...Sorry, just tired of seeing fics where two people of different genders are nice to each other just because they're the other's Twu Luw -_-

And all right! That's right! Be angry at Kratos! He's looking at your eyes for no real reason. Remember to be desperate in geting to know why! ...And make sure you don't forget it the next morning.

The chapters are getting slowly, but visible, better. I hope I can say that in the next chapter, too.

Bah, YOU were the depressed one just a little time ago, and now you're suddenly hyper and tries to lighten the mood. I'd like to say this: Mary Sue-suspicious mood changes.

I KNEW it. I don't mean to be rude, but SOMEHOW I knew you were going to come with a speech like that. A hidden sign from your hyperness, or simply because you're a self-inserter/OC.
Do you know what? 90% of the heroic speeches Lloyd and any other hero in games or stories don't have ANYTHING to do there. They're there just to make the character That Special. The author just want the OC/themselves to look cool, but, shocking enough, it make me roll my eyes, since I've the image of you being hyper all the time and not the one to help people.
See? After you saying the heroic speech, you're back to the hyper girl. So, basically that speech most likely did you pretty out of character.

So, you're just as good as Lloyd, I guess? How? Being able to fight in real isn't like having a school-fight on Earth. And the fact that you know sedond-leveled techniques are annoying. You can't get the characters to get those yet, but you do it anyway. It reminds me of *name* from *book*, because he could defeat his master after two months, and then the master suddenly said "I've no more to teach you". What? IT TAKES AT LEAST EIGHT YEARS JUST TO BE SOMEWHAT GOOD TO FIGHT. that's the reason.

How do you Ask something? I want to know how you Ask, Speak, Yell and Say things!

Oh, mystery! More angst! ...And Lloyd is OOC. Look, in the fight against the Renegades, Lloyd soungs like Kratos. "You have to kill them!", "Show no mercy!" and blahblahblah. And of course, there are you going all "wah! I don't wanna kill them!". That's not a Mary Sue-thing. The only annoying thing is that Lloyd is OOC, which can be a HIDDEN sign that you're slight Mary Sue.

...So, WHAT was the reason for the Renegades to take you with them? They let Genis go, so why not let him take care of you? Just to make yourself That Special? And really, the story goes all over again as if you didn't exist. Make yourself more visible without getting more Mary Sue-points, or else it'll get annoying.
Like, when Lloyd rants about not having the equipments, why didn't you suggest something? If you let the story go on like that and only give yourself a role in the scenes the game didn't have, you'll just lose readers.

Another attack of Fan-girlius Irritatis. They appear in the chapter without any other reason than to make a fool out of the victim.
And... no offence, but I can guess who Yuan thinks you are. He thinks you're HER, right? and Kratos thinks you're HER too. Sorry, I've read a fic with that one, so you're too late if you thought you were original with it ^^;

...And Mikey is just as good with fighting, also without any reason. And people in your age don't just KILL others, even if he understands things more than you. He just came to a game, and he can fight as if NOTHING HAPPENED? Goddess, why?

You start the chapter with a dream.
And I'm sure the dream is going to have an important role sooner or later. It's written all over the paragraph. Or maybe because I've read that beginning in almost 368 stories by now.

I'm asking myself right now: "why do all OCs and self-inserters who go through the game all over again have to be scaring or so hyper that it's scary?" In all the fics that goes the-game-all-over-again-with-a-new-character, the latter always is hyper or the dominant one. Be a little more original, please? Trust me, it's not always teenagers full with hormones is fun to read, because however many times you tell that's just how you are, you'll just make me doubt more seeing that ALL of them say the same.

Uh, sorry, but when you glared at them, didn't you see at least one of them in the eye? And your ability to see through peoples' hearts are suddenly away untill they return to make you angsty?
Please, if you're going to have a special ability, REMEMBER YOU HAVE IT. It's like that time I read a fic where the OC was scared of fire; before I knew it, the character had jumped in the fire to save a random person the character never had met before, even though it was supposed to be life-threating to be inside that burning building.

Oh, and you're the guest. Yet you yell at them. Gee, and here I thought I was ungrateful because I get annoyed just because my mother tells me to clean the toilet.
That, and it's a little annoying that you always turn from angry, to happy, to angsty, and back to happy again. Any reasons, or is the excuse "everybody else do it"?
When acting such rude as you did, you sure had to remember it. So you should have gone down and said (a little) embarassed "I'm sorry". Yelling and death-glaring in your sleep is Mary Sue, so don't come with that excuse if you don't want to be one.
OR, the reason is because *drum-sounds* you mysteriously gained a splittet personality! O_O

And how can you 'Look' at people? Or 'Yell'? :P

And to be honest, you don't need a weapon just to get through the forest. Just don't stay in the way, and Lloyd and Genis will fix then for you.
You know, our teacher gave us a long preach about teenagers thinking we're SO important that we always have to talk like a smartass toward the teacher. And in the case of self-insterts, the self-inserter always thinks s-/he has to fight, because everybody else can. That's a "rule". The characters have to be good in fighting. As long as they can fight, everything is a-okay (misspelled in purpose). A friend of mine told me once that if you know much about plants and what's poinson and what's good for the health, and how to make food and how to charm people to help you, then that's just as good as being able to fight.
And fighting with a broom reminded me of Kingdom Hearts (they fight with books there! Books! And keys! and flowers!). Pluss, you may bee good in handle people on Earth, but how would you've handled a bear or wolf? If you were going to have a catfight, don't you think you would've lost? Still, you win against the monsters in Symphonia, because all other self-inserters do it. This world is sad.

And, I hope I'm not sounding selfish here, but all your "woot woot!"s are annoying me. You may be hyper and all, but I bet you're like all the other self-inserters; you're all hyper, then suddenly you come out with the heroic speeches, making you either OOC or Mary Sue.
And how about making signs or marks so we know when you're changing the places or times?

No, you're NOT fine. In the real world you would never say you were okay after being poisened, ESPECIALLY if you knew you were. Stop making yourself so though. You get me to think you did it just to make yourself That Special. And before you know it, the secrets you keep will just bring forth misunderstandings.

Look, if you write form your own perspective, don't switch. If you're not the one reading the letter, don't switch.
...BUT, it was probably Lloyd who read it aloud. At least give a sign or something that marks that it was read out loud.

You're not going to be a burden... you've said that many times already. Please, one or two times are enough, or else you're doing it old.

...You know what? The story isn't changing a single thing. After we've got to Iselia the story goes on as if you didn't exist. I don't say you're going to make any Mary Sue-introduction to change the story, but at least don't write the story all over again. The only scenes that are changing are those that weren't showed in the game. The sad thing is that those scenes make you a little Mary Sue.

But I'm glad you hestitated with killing Marble, even though it got a little cliche. But that's always the case when you know who it is, and that's NORMAL is in exactly that, normal, which is a good thing.

Didn't you tell Sheeta that she broke your consentration? But then you suddenly have time enough to have a staring contest with her (which is a little strange seeing that I didn't know cats were THAT smart). At least tell us if you pressed the 'pause'-button.

You get to know that you might never return to your home, and all you do is to ask if you get any special skills? No offence, but why do ALL self-inserters do that? I'm just curious.

Oh, and in the conversation with who-ever-it-was, I couldn't almost see the different in thinking and talking from your side. If you're talking, then maybe you shouldn't use that ' if you use " when talking.

You're getting sacred powers, powers that lighten the hearts of people... I'm looking for a good reason for YOU to have it when you can't (as you say) face your own, and I can't wait to see if this power do you to a Mary Sue or not.

Wait, 'Yelled'? How can you Yell something? Or Say? Or Chirp? Remember to have small letters.

...And first chapter have the bacteria Fan-girlius Irritatis pulled inside. This is a mysterius illness that usually occurs young, hyper writers of FanFiction between New Year and March, but can also come in summer-break. It gets the author to not think normal and act upon their like for a non-existing character. People are told not to take pictures or give the bacteria food. It might bite.
and that was my kind of humor.

Question: Why are some lines changing from normal to italic? You don't need to do that, I think...

Look, people look automatically in the eyes. It's our natur. You're not anything special or different just because you have that habit, because we ALL have it.

And Lloyd invites you to a journey where the Chosen is going to save the world, also where they can't be sure if you're a normal person with amnesia or a spy for the Desians. If Lloyd really cares such for Colette, he wouldn't risk her life by taking you with them... I think. And isn't HE the one who needs training? In the game Kratos has to teach him.

...I won't comment that "I'm finally home"-line, but I'll just say this: Don't make yourself a Mary Sue.

Aw, that's cute. I'm a knight in bronze armor. xD

And no AnnaxMikey? You wound me! I joke, I kid. Nice chapter. =3

keep up the good work :D

Ohs, very nice story! >3<

I have absolutely no idea what's going on, but, seriously! I adore it! It makes me want to write a fic with OCs myself, because your OCs are made of WIN. Lol.

Keep up the awesomeness, and please update soon!

- Mikka-kun.

Keep up the good work! ^^ It's getting interesting, can't wait for the next chapter.

I'll make this short:
Your fic is awesome!
Great story and the OC's pwn.
Please, PLEASE, continue writing.

Woot! Go us! =)

Hey... we should have cookies and orange juice some time... I am a sucker for cookies and orange juice. =3

sorry I'm not logged in.
but you HAVE to update this.

And I'm great, thanks.

I love your story so far! There's the occasional spelling or grammer thing (don't take that seriously, I'm horrible at thing like that...) but I still love it.

I just find it ironic how Anna somehow only to manage to scream out the name of whoever knows the whole story/ Seraphim. I could see her all trying to beat up Mithos (Yggy), screaming his name and then...

"How do you know I'm Mithos?"