MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! TAKE THAT EDWARD'S PRIDE!

What in the world just happened?!?!
but it was awsome!:):):)

that is amazong please write more soon :)

Aww i love Jasper. I am going to keep reading!

you are jumping all over the board here, the beginning was good,, up until bella/edward kiss, sending jasper off, then you flew in every direction. What now Edward's gay? Bella is now Dracula's descendant? What is the story line, the plot? You are trying to do too much with this story, figure out how to do ONE story line with a good plot, but don't congfuse it with all this other stuff.

are kidding this story kicks * i am diehard jazzy bella fan and this makes me smile. you made my day.

Hey Q,
I think that from your last post you already know the answer to your question. There are obviously some things you are not happy with. If you are really writing because you love your story then you dont need any of us to tell you what to do. I like the way the romances played out. With the exception of the Edward Jasper thing. It was a little weird. No it was beyond. I thought that Victoria changing her was a cool thought. The Viatus addition was a good one. His story played well with the story line. I have a few thoughts for you if you really want them.

1. How does Jacob really play into the story? If he is not nessary I would leave him out.
2. Is it really nessary to add the Jasper/Edward section? Kind of takes away from the story and adds confusion.
3. What if Bella had a little time to be a vampire and enjoy her family just a little before Viatus makes a move?
4. How does Viatus find out about Bella? How does he contact her? That part was a little hard to follow.

I know this is a lot. I would never have commented if you had not asked. I belive that as writers we write for our own satisfaction and I hope you are enjoying your fic. Let me know if you would like anymore comments. I will try not not intrude. Over all I think you have a good story. You are putting a lot of effort into it. I cannot wait to see what you come up with on a revision. Until then...

Be well and God bless,
Delainy DAwn

A good traveler has no fixed plans and is not intent upon arriving. A good artist lets his intuition lead him wherever it wants.
(Lao-Tzu)

A fool-proof method for sculpting an elephant; first, get a huge block of marble; then you chip away everthing that doesn't look like an elephant.
(unknown)

Pour out your soul,
Let the words spill onto the pages,
Dripping with passion and meaning,
Forever flowing with the power of your heart,
Invoking ripples in the lives of others...
(April D. Sparks-Mintle)

definatly dont stop writting, but i think you should tear this apart to make it better, it would be making you a better writter aswell as more reviews for the story.

But i think you should just do what you want, if u want to make the story better then do it.
Love Bronze.x
p.s im gonna keep reading the story what ever your decision.

well, this is as far as I've gotten so far, I actually had my chip fall out of my mouth, it ws supriseing!

Wow. Just, wow. I think, but as I not anyone else, do what you think is best. If you like the idea of revisioning, do just that.

I have to agree with Jasper..WHAT THE ** IS WRONG WITH THE WORLD!

I am currently biting my cell phone so I wont burst into uncontrollable laughter, cuz me moms sleepin. HAHAHAHAHAHA!
That was so funny!

That was a very interesting ending for chapter 13.

Jasper x Bella!!

=D

o.o :o

the sun. lol. no, i dont know, imagination low at the momento.