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| Gracie 2008-07-01 ch 1, anon. | abuseYou're right, there's something missing. Where's the element of longing? With Peter and Lucy both, there was a reaching for something beyond their grasp--and a parting of the veil as a response. Something *I've* wanted to do for a long time is to go watch the sunrise alone from a beach, and turn it into my own worship service. Susan was a Friend of Narnia at this point--wouldn't she have been longing for Aslan and Aslan's country beneath it all? It might help to show us a bit more of what the ocean did for her, as well. Find a way to communicate the deeper communion going on between her and the world around her. |
| TastyAsItGets 2007-10-28 ch 1,  | abuseOmigosh! I wanna swim with the mermaids now! So deliciously written. |
| elecktrum 2007-09-12 ch 1, | abuse'She was simply Susan Pevensie, formerly of London, now set free into a beautiful world.' What a lovely description! The whole scene is exhilarating and fresh. I think too often writers make Susan stuffy and stand-offish, but this presents her as far more connected to Narnia than most people allow. Bravo Zulu! |
| lightsabermaster 2007-08-26 ch 1, | abuseNow this one was exhilarating! Just the exuberance and wonder with which Susan greeted the sun was enough to make me sob and wish that I could revel so completely in such a small thing. Oh, I love this story. Thank you so much for writing it. :) -LM |
| Andi Horton 2007-08-17 ch 1, | abuseYour visuals, as ever, are simply luscious. The feeling of warmth and heat and rising gold all through this may or may not have been wholly intended, but they're what I'm taking away from it all the same. I have such mixed feelings seeing Susan so unrestrained; of course I want to be all conventional and purist and fuss "Susan? REALLY?!" and yet at the same time I love the joy you have painted, and the way you've given us a side of her we never get to see. Her delight in the beauty of the land is palpable and, given that it's Narnia, is in that sense wholly believable. Reading this I felt echoes of that wonderful romp with Aslan and Bacchus in Prince Caspian, and I thank you for stirring those up again; such JOY! Finally, this will probably not bother everybody nearly as much it does me, but I just have to say that, having had my (booted) toes stepped on many times by horses (even the best-trained, best-intentioned horses will invariably put a foot wrong once or twice, and humans will do it far more frequently than their mounts) the idea of Susan --anybody!-- riding barefoot makes me fairly dizzy with panic :P I just had to mention it! |