Very Very Very cool!

So this is the purified version of Luigi's mansion seen in the game ending?

I just wanted to take my lunch break.”

She was waiting for someone to eat? Sorry, you really didn't write that sentence all that good.

I know 358 Days and Chain of Memories appeared on the gameboy, but... they weren't part of the Smash Brothers' group of games included... It feels a bit like stepping over boundaries for Smash Brothers fans.

If the blind dream miner was not a native of Earth or Fantasia, THEN I could see Namine fit.

Ironic that it would be Namine, since she rejoined with Kairi, not ceasing to exist from being absorbed by her, but GAINING BACK the identity she lost when she became a Nobody.

I'm on day 53 on 358 days by the way. (Dang Emblem grab mission, worse than the Zip Slasher).

“Yes,” Pit nodded. “But I used the spell stone for something else.”

That's why I'm always phobic about using one time use items you can't get more of in games.

I'll admit the Gallery of Memories was a nice location from a purely artistic point of view (pun not intended).

So Namine had a whole HORDE of pencils in the gallery's attic that appear each time a memory is lost in that world?



His heart was aching, and in this torrent of emotions, he lost the last memory he still had: He forgot his own name.

What did he wish for?

Metroids... any chance of an appearance of Entei?

I guess without the X-Parasite to provide a proper prey, the Metroids don't have a true reason to exist.

Nice trick with the ice arrow!

And strangely, in a way, I can feel for the nameless boy here, he's lost EVERYTHING... and here comes someone to help at last... or maybe finish him off.. either way.. it's time to rest.

OH! And a translation of story error on your part from Fantasia to Nintendo.

You forgot about the Star Rod that now exists as a GLOWING RING on Pit's arm... so that's something he'd have been able to see by. Ops.

I'll be honest that this is the last I expected to be continued of the ones I've enjoyed.

Namine, "You can do it... just a bit more..."

Congrats Shing. Congrats.

:-) ... You made me smile.

This is a story where there is no 'big bad' to defeat.. proof that you don't need one to have intense conflict...

This world has a it's big share of tyrants and what not, but ultimately, they're just small fish in a big pond.

I can't remember which she switched from the eggplant wizards to the darknuts.

It's interesting that here it makes you wonder what happened to the REST of her minions once she was dead.

And 'close' to final destination? Heh. Odd terms in a realm where distance is based on will.

And it was always weird why her constructs malfunctioned like that. Almost like the author just wrote off her end.

'and advised them to go home' heh, what IS home?

I still think the 'wish for company who are never alone' and then to wish 'to be among individuals' would have been very good for you to put in. The pikmin would have been PERFECT for the role!

I used to write with a guy (who it turned out hated writing partners so it was weird) who I'd give suggestions to, and he'd then do the exact opposite, I assumed he was just covering his bases, and it turned out he was actually trying his hardest to get me to stop reading his stories!!

You did a brilliant job with the Stylus, but ever since the incident above, whenever modifications or adaptations are done to my ideas (like with my idea with the princesses), I've had the sinking feeling about it being a more poetic way of them being rejected. I know this isn't likely in the least what you meant by it, but that shadow of that incident still hangs over.

All the same... I'm very glade you chose to include this part of the book after all. I did feel that it was able to fit.

stumbled through the vines until he hit the floor.
stumbled through the vines until he hit the ground.


You forgot having the three swordsmen split up in search of Pit but that's already story.

Sandbag as the keeper? I figured it would Crazy Hand.

"through the air and behind one of the buildings, out of Pit’s view."

I personally like the 'he had to leave this mad city' line from the original story.

Interesting twist with the levels of degeneration, and I give you browie points for tying in the 'flip side' with video game addiction.

Even if I think if that was the case, then the Wireframes, Alloys, and Polygons should have acted differently rather than uniformly wandering about. The Wireframes at least able to perform demented but admirable attempts at communication.

Seriously, this reminds of NetSlum from .hack// with all the insane half complete or half deleted AIs or ghost data wandering about.

"Fake real, or the real fake? Which is real?" "Are you really awake right now? Don't bother pinching yourself, our dreams are very realistic." "I don't know, I really really don't know! Hahaha!" "I have enough light! Give me water, given me water, and warmth."

So all the 'lucky' polygons rather than just rotting as junk data here end up the Mass Produced Enemy characters that have simplistic attack patterns and you encounter a dozen of them? (Primids, Goombas, Badniks, Ganorks, conon-fodder).

All things said and done, this chapter was surprising, and it's nice to finally see this story continued.

to life every second.
The correct regional phrase is 'any second.'

Nobody except herself knew how she managed to centuple the small group of Darknuts that had accompanied her.

None of the pictures I have of how she did it are nice ones.

' Then the most ardous and tedious part of the ceremony began: '

So much for thinking of it as getting to see all the fantastic faces of so many difference races and cultures in one day.

“Finally, we get our chance to prove ourselves!” Roy smirked.

Figured it would be the hired sword who'd say that.

and wielded the Master Sword.
and of course the Master Sword.

it into two halves… and buried itself in Link’s hip.

Pit is not a bad shot, given the effect of the arrow, it should have hit dead center.

FINALLY REVIEWED HER.

I won't say anything about details since I can understand how you wanting to make the novel very abridged.

I look foreword to you being able to complete this.

Looks like Link's stuck on four legs until he can find a cure. You said before you were going to tweak things so Pit meets Entei again? You still planning on that?

Are the Pikmin going to fill the role of the 'many' sailors?

I wish we had gotten more details of the blood bath, all these different races going at it with their own styles of war... and finding out who some of these dignitaries were.

Bowser, Dedede (not like they have ANOTHER king anyway)and Ganondorf, are for better or worse (often worse) the legitimate rulers of their nations, (except Dedede but no one feels like correcting him). I wonder what their response was to Pit.

Goddamn Medusa! secretly manipulate Pit into turnning back his friends! Damn I knew I didn't trust her when she surrender to Pit. I hope Pit will figure it out soon!

'Now they were coming pretty close to the Palace in the Sky.'
That felt out of the blue, when did that happen?

Remind me what a pelican is in this context.

so-called ‘Animal Villages’ in
Has humanoid animals in it, not sure why it's 'so-called.'

“I am trembling in front of you, master!”
Geez she's laying it on thick.

Magic Cape.
Link to the Past.

who should come in to steal.
who should come in to steal the star rod.

Otherwise the sentence feels incomplete.

Darknuts-
I don't think the darknuts are living armor, that does to the armos. Twilight Princess and Ocarina of time both suggest there is something inside that armor.

Tell them to go close to him
Him who?

Which incarnation style of the darknuts are these?

The flame on his tail was very dim.
Very bad sign.

The only one who didn’t come was Medusa.
Odd.

Brilliant stage performance by Medusa.

And I had that mental image of wolf-Link verses Pit again.

At any rate, it's nice to see you continuing this.

It's about time for the second climax of this story.

with a large number of monks,
with a large number of chattering monks,

This segment of the story reminded me of the over introspectiveness of philosophers before, and it does now.

that he had to come from outer space.
that it had to come from outer space.

I always felt that leaving the sages when he did was more of a act of giving up on an act of futility than anything else.

And so the trap is sealed.

I give you credit for gracefully including the Oracles the way you did. Though the POV should have been from the screen, but hey.

At any rate, the story continues to be interesting. And I hope you see it through to the end.

Even though Pit's losing his memory, he's still nice enough to give Yoshi a happy ending of his own. Mention of elda characters really gets me in a good mood, and that owl always either creeps me out or makes me laugh.

Cool chapter.

'But… it pains me to see you on the back of such a… common mount.'

I always thought about how the king of kings rode a mere jackass whenever I read this scene.

It's more symbolic than anything, but I think this is where Pit's hubris really began to set in (yes Medusa is helping it but still). However, you can't blame Pit for what he DID for Yoshi. He gave him a happy ending. Or at least happy story with an ending to make for himself. Heh. "Go get'er yosh."

on the former Queen of the Underworld.
Nothing former about it.

He wanted to be admired for being a wise man,
...good luck...

“She was named after the goddess.
Always figured she was a facet of her.


Anything special about the other owls?

Carrying on the day and night cycles you started with Entei and his fellows I take it?

It'll be interesting to see where you take this.

No Pit, don't do it, she's gonna turn you into an eggplant or something. I can kinda remember this in the movie. Still, I don't think the main character was quite so…mean. Medusa is definately scheming.

Nice plot development and I loved the dialogue. Nice chapter.

“You really wanna go further down into the Underworld?” Roy asked in disbelief.

Heh. Some wisdom to be said about getting while the getting's good.

“Well, Medusa doesn’t exactly seem to surround herself with the smartest monsters
You read about the Eggplant Wizard in 'Captain N' didn't you?

“My guess is that they are on their way to report to their queen… which means that Medusa’s lair must be through here.”
If it hadn't just been said how stupid they are, I'd disagree. Since only an idiot leads the enemy right to your leader's door step.

but he was surprised to see that Medusa’s eyes were filled with… fear.
DON'T LOOK INTO HER EYES STUPID! Seriously! How can anyone be empty headed enough to look into the eyes of a gorgon?!

My entire guess is that she knows what the Star Rod will ultimately do to him, and is waiting until he's an empty shell so she can take it's power for herself. She's not dumb enough to challenge the star rod's power in a one on one fight. She's also now effective out numbered a thousand to one. She's the type who will serve loyally until everything comes crashing down and move in to pick up the pieces.

I'm reminded of when, in the Marvel Comic, Thanos got his hands on the infinity gauntlet (basically surpassing Galactus in power) and gained a devil as his loyal minion, who stayed loyal up until a moment of confusion and chaos where he chose to try and grab the gauntlet for himself, however, "You revert to type too soon demon!" Ka-blast!

on his back?”

on his back.


I would have chosen something besides the Eggplant wizards to be Medusa's carriers, but hey, your story.

Nice action and descriptive work, especially with the eggplant thing. It was smart to include the clothes aspect of the change as well as the hair. Made it a little less confusing. Their personalities were visible, and I'm still interested with Pit's current attitude.

We'll see what happens.

Mistress that angry… she looked very scary.

Er, I think you just described two separate emotions.

I'll point out, in final boss form, Medusa had one giant eye, which was destroyed to reveal her relatively smaller two eyed form. Since the formation is clearly meant to inspire fear, it would have the single eyed gorgon style.

Heh. Common misconception in this day and age: Greek and Roman mythology didn't HAVE demons and devils.

So the story continues. It'll be fun to see if you manage to complete this story: completing stories though IS a talent you've shown the ability to do.

Well Pit is acting a little odd, Medusa makes a named appearance, and Samus has her own agenda. A very intricately woven plot that is very fun to read.