First of all, I have to say that Snickers is still one of my least favorite ships, and that this chapter was rather hard to read. But, for you guys' amazing writing, I forced myself through it. I guess I still feel like Nick sounds a lot like Greg.
Other notes:
I loved the Ryan/Lindsey! LLK and I were talking online and have decided that their ship name is Wisher, as Willows Fisher Wisher, and Lyan, Rindsey, Ryley and Lindsan all sound awful.
On more substantive notes:
At first, I thought it was kind of odd to see Sara being so... well, normal. It seemed out of character in comparison to other fics with her in them, but then I realized that really it's other fics that I think have gotten her wrong. She may be portrayed as the emotional, sometimes bitchy uber-feminist, but that's only when other characters and situations bring it out in her. Ultimately, she's still a human and she still has a lot in common with every other woman, and every other person - she still wants to clean, and cook, and have a family part of the time. I like that you write her as someone with more dimensions (and I hope that makes sense).
Sara's emotions, overall, were very well done. You just describe the dialogue and every little action perfectly, so I feel like I can totally understand exactly what's going through Sara's head, and what's happening for everyone. I don't remember ever reading another story where the scene's mood and characters' tones were so clear. Amazing job on that.
Sara is such a believable mom, which I love. She totally reminds me of my mom. Her dialogue with Ryan just feels so real.
The thing I find strange about it, I guess, is that they have that dynamic even though they've barely ever seen each other before Sara moved again. I would really like to get a better sense of how Ryan feels about Sara just moving back into his life and suddenly playing mommy. That just must be so strange. I'd think he would see her almost more as a fun friend or babysitter at this point, given how little contact they've been able to have previously. I really hope that you delve into that more.
Well, you're right about taking forever to update this story. However, since you always manage to make up for it in quantity and quality, I for one don't mind all that much. ;)
I'm a little sad that Nick and Sara's "relationship" hasn't evolved a little more in this chapter (like, say, an invitation for Nick to visit, so he could get a change of scenery...), but at the same time people's relationships don't really evolve quite so quickly in RL, so I guess that adds realism to the story.
Also, I think having someone like Alexander in our lives (the friend who knows you better than anyone else and has your back no matter what) is anyone's dream - I know it's certainly one of mine!
Oh, and knowing a grammar-freak who corrects everyone's little mistakes? At the risk of sounding like a freak myself, feel free to give him/her my contact. I'd love to meet someone like that, because I'm very obsessive about my English, too...
I'm looking forward to finding out what you have planned for this story. Whenever you manage to update it... (Take your time, though. No pressure!)
I have to admit it was, I don't know if the word is hard or wierd, to read about Catherine and Warrick with them having killed him off. Actually it was kinda heartbreaking because it can never happen now. We only have fanfiction. Update soon.
This is to make up for the lack of critiquing and because, well, you're loved.
Yes, you did have me hooked from the very first sentence. One of the first things I noticed was the use of language. I did a quick skim down to the bottom to get a feel for your combined styles and I picked out several words immediately that told me this was going to be an interesting piece to read. I also loved how I was able to work out (almost) which character it was immediately after reading the first few lines. Granted, it was nice to have it confirmed later on, but the guess allowed me to read it, but not to commit myself too much to thinking about the character. It gave more opportunity for me t focus on the language, and *what* was being said rather then *who* was saying it.
Characterization was wonderful in this, and I loved the interpretation of Lindsey, especially in the first chapter; ha, reminds me of me!
The hint at the blatant-sexual-tension between Warrick and Catherine was what made me want to keep reading intitally, just to see if you allowed them to move past the flirting, but I enjoyed the romantic angle throughout the story.
LLK, you knwo I don't like GSR, at all, for many reasons. But I found it tolerable in this piece and I found it added, rather then took away from the overall plot line. I actually liked it's inclusion.
The end was... *heart clenches* perfection, I have no other words. It was perfect in every way. Sigh, CW love is the best.
I laughed out loud at Catherine's concern over Warrick seeing her "without her hair all coiffed and perfect". Very funny (and believable)! The whole courthouse scene was just heart-warming. :)
It's great that Lindsay finally ditched Chad, too. And it's great that she realized that she DESERVES someone who respects her ALL THE TIME. (So many people need to wake up and see that, too!)
The part with Grissom was moving. I felt his pain, really, even though I wholeheartedly support Snickers. I think he "saw the light" a bit quickly and rather suddenly though, but maybe Cath is right and he really just can't stay mad at her... The hints about Nick's feelings were very well placed, too, and the dichotomy of ended-relationship/beginning-relationship and the mixed feelings it evoked gave a touch of reality to the whole thing. Or I just think so, anyway.
And the last scene... too big for words. Warrick and Catherine's interactions throughout the chapter were really spot-on and the last scene was just the cherry on top of the cake. Bravo!
Now I'm just curious to see how thing are on Sara's end. *hint hint* Oh, and the length of the chapter was just as I love it (even though, with the way my life is right now, it took me 4 days to finish reading it... :P)!
That was AMAZING! I love this story, and the last YoBling scene was perfect. I love the interaction between Warrick and Linds, and the family dynamic the three of them have. You definitely dealt with some major stuff for Snickers too. Sara's letter was heart wrenching. Wow. Poor Grissom. I LOVE that Greggo finally got a scene too, and was recognized as Sara's best friend. You capture the little details in life so well, and I'm still absolutely amazed by this story. Definitely worth the wait. Can't wait until the next update!
Nice to see the developing chemistry between Nick and Sara (even though I'd prefer Sandle)
The kitten is adorable. Nick sure knows how to treat a lady right. Also, I like the comment about Nick being able to make her laugh. It seems like laughter really is the best medicine for Sara right now, and Nick is best able to provide. You've subtly spelled out a very compelling argument for Snickers right here, from the way Ryan bonds with Griss and Nick, to the little touches about the living versus the dead. Nick definitely seems more prepared to deal with and understand the living than Griss.
I was just confused by this one line:
“Nicky you and I have to be in to work in about ten. Catherine has the evening off so it's just you, Greg, and I tonight. Can't be late.” He then vanishes into the bedroom."
OMG. LOVED THE YOBLING! Man, I'm jealous of their awesome first date. Warrick is such a good guy, and I hope Cath realizes soon that he won't leave her over Lindsey drama. He cares about Lindsey already so much, almost like she was his own kid, and he's clearly been a big part of improving Cath and Lindsey's relationship.
Some other faves:
-LOL on Period talk - the one thing guaranteed to drive guys away, or at least make them feel notably uncomfortable.
-I love Nick and Warrick's secret code language. Interesting how Nick and Sara have it too, like in the last chapter when Sara was on the phone.
-LLK (Since I'm assuming you wrote most of the YoBling)- I'm amused that you and racefh both referenced the wonder that is Eggplant Parm in your stories ;)
-"She lets one of her fingers run up and down the back of my hand, down to my watchband before her eyes meet mine. “Nicky.”" priceless
-"Obviously, I’ve never been a teenage girl" Very amusing statement. Now I'm being very amused trying to imagine Warrick as a teenage girl.
And as much as I love YoBling, I think RyanLindsey is my new favorite ship.
Awesome job! You're doing a really good job of drawing out the OCs. My only complaint is that you deal with all main CSI characters except Greg. A little more Greg, please?
That chapter was so sweet. LOVED how Lindsey's finally on the right path. All of the Lindsey-Cath interaction was perfect, and it really showed how YoBling is so right for everyone involved. As a Greggo fan, I also loved the line, "And not a 'Greg' thirty either, a real thirty." Greg is so young at heart. Anyways, awesome chapter! You really bring out the best, fullest characters in Cath and Warrick, and even Lindsey, who barely gets a character on the show. Amazing job!
Sara has such good taste! Poppies, Gilmore Girls, Wicked... (If only Greg Sanders were included in that list *sigh*)
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