Reviews for Shawn Spencer: Fake Psychic, real,,,,brother?

Reviews For: Shawn Spencer: Fake Psychic, real,,,,brother?

Pineapplepeople 2008-05-17 ch 3,	abuseUPDATE!PLEASE!
ddamato 2008-02-14 ch 3,	abusegreat chapter! grin i can't wait to find out what happens next! >< update soon! ^^
chevy hick 2007-11-21 ch 3,	abuseto "oh my" its just a story for fun, lightin' up. to "I'm The Night Writer" I love the story so far can't wait for the next chapter
Mickey23 2007-09-14 ch 1,	abuseInteresting idea about an unknown little sister. I kinda agree with 'Oh my' about the observation skills coming from Henry not the mom, but maybe you can explain that...maybe the mom picked up on how Henry was with Shawn and she told Arizona who tried it herself?..just a thought. I don't know, but I think you need to explain a little more about this. Also, AZ seems really..perky..and kinda too perfect. I know it's only chapter 2, so hopefully she'll develop more, as she's a bit too mary sue. Overall, though, good idea and story, and I look forward to where you take us with this.
Colonel Mustard 8 2007-09-03 ch 1,	abuseHi. Just replying to your review reply. A Mary-Sue is a character that doesn't have any noticeable flaws, and usually ends up overshadowing the Cannon characters (Shawn, Gus, etc.) As I said, I don't really think AZ is a Sue, but just to be safe, I'd make sure she has some noticeable flaws. I don't think making her an important character would be a mistake either, but just make sure that Shawn and Gus are still important too. I think so far it's going great, and I can't wait to see more! :) Bye.
Colonel Mustard 8 2007-09-03 ch 2,	abuseGood job! I don't think AZ is a Sue, but she could become one if you're not carefull. As long as she doesn't, though, I deffinently want to see more! Keep up the good work. Bye.
bozybozybozy 2007-08-31 ch 2,	abuseto "Oh My" oh yeah, one more thing . . . if you have enough gumption to post something like that, you should have enough courage (in nice language) to at least leave a place to reply to. Why hide behind Anonymous review?
bozybozybozy 2007-08-31 ch 1,	abuseA reply to "Oh My" . . . first off, the fun part about writing stories is simply to write. This is first and foremost not an english class, and fictional writing should be all about and only about imagination. You really need to find something else to do with your time . . . you are obviously lonley, and need a job. What one person might see and find amusing, another person might not. "Constructive Criticism" is a good thing, but slamming a person for doing something that person enjoys is just wrong. If you have read this writers other stories, you will find that not only is the person a fun writer to read, but the writer also has an amazing imagination. I'm just sorry that you don't seem to have one.
Oh my 2007-08-31 ch 2, anon.	abuseYipes. I'm not sure how to start with this one... I have nothing wrong with Mary-Sue fics at all... but i mean, come on. The statistical probability of two siblings that grew up together to wind up the same is almost impossible. I won't even BOTHER telling you just how improbable it is that Arizona wound up just like Shawn. Talk about stupid. I mean, even if, let's say, they by some weird coincidence wound up similar, this story is still nonsensical. First of all, Shawn's father taught him his hyper-observance. It is not genetic and Shawn is not really psychic. Hell, Shawn doesn't even have an aptitude towards observing - he only can because his father taught him how. So to expect that Arizona was by another huge coincidence taught the same thing is ridiculous. All that aside, there is the matter of your grammar and writing. The most important rule anyone must learn about writing is that you cannot and simply must not write how you speak. I don't care whether a character enunciates their 'you' like 'ya'. You still have to write 'you'. Second of all, NEVER and I mean NEVER begin a sentence with 'but' or 'and'. It just is not done. Thirdly and lastly, you have many unnecessary run-on-sentences. This means that you make a sentence longer than is should be by using a comma. An example of this in your writing is the line "The last people that saw her were her friends, they said she was coming home from school, but never made it home". This should instead be "The last people that saw her were her friends. They said she was coming home from school, but she never made it home." Oh, and it should be going home, not coming home. Overall, it was a nice try at a fic, but I think you need to rethink your plot, brush up on your writing, and then try again.
Nyxelestia 2007-08-30 ch 2,	abuseKinda MarySue-ish, but it's good. :D
ddamato 2007-08-29 ch 2,	abuseYay -- Pirates of the Caribbean! >< hahaha AZ -- I like that. chuckles Great chapter -- laughing through the whole thing! haha
ddamato 2007-08-28 ch 1,	abuseI guess you found a way to put this back up -- I'm glad! I want to see more! ^^
chevy hick 2007-08-27 ch 1,	abusebig bro Shawn, cool

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