Reviews for Keeping It In The Family?

Reviews For: Keeping It In The Family? - Reviews: Page 1 of 4

losttimelady 2008-02-15 ch 15,	abuseOh very nice! Tis so true that it's out of charecter for Gene to be wet so how you did Gene being not quiet emotional was ace. Looking forward to some good ol' detecting and how the meal with Casey is going to work out.
losttimelady 2008-02-15 ch 14,	abuseYikes! I didn't see that comeing, but an oh-so-Sam reaction, nice. Ace as always.
sparks733 2008-02-10 ch 15, anon.	abuseOoh, a murder! Very exciting. Plus; “Because, Tyler, you can be the voice of reason if need be. She can be a stubborn little mare when she wants to be.” “I wonder which of her parents she inherited that quality from?” Sam joked, seeing the Govs eyes narrow a little. Fantastic! It's so exciting when I get a notification for this story. There isn't nearly enough good LoM fic on here.
sparks733 2008-01-21 ch 14,	abuseOoh, that was really good. Sorry I've only just reviewed, I swear I'd subscribed to an alert... oh well, I have now! The last scene was very well written. What will Gene think if he ever finds out?
losttimelady 2007-12-18 ch 13,	abuseYikes! It's like having a mini version of Gene in the house! Very good as always, and egerly awaiting the next chapter.
sparks733 2007-12-10 ch 13, anon.	abuse'His Governors face screwed up. “You know, Tyler that was below the belt even for a handbag swinging girl like you.”' LOVED this line. Great chapter as always, looking forward to finding out what Sam's up to.
JudasFm 2007-12-10 ch 13,	abuseOoh, things are really heating up here! There are a few points, but as always, they're suggestions, not orders ;) up most => utmost mind find => might find "Move to the top of the class and collect the pencils on the way round." => loved it :D unprepared => refusing. I think I know what you were trying to say, but unprepared means not ready, as in caught off guard and floundering. almightily => This isn't really needed. You can't have a gentle abrupt stop; the word 'abrupt' does all the description ;) If you wanted to make it have more impact, you could add a line of description along the lines of '"What?" Hunt bellowed, slamming on the brakes and causing the car to stop so abruptly that Sam was almost flung through the windscreen.' I loved Gene's reaction to Casey. Heh. I'm evil, I know, but it was in character; I could just hear Gene spitting at her :P Again, you might want to think about cutting down on the pretty and flowery analogies. 'A thousand bees waiting to be drowned in an ever flowing fountain of sadness' is fine for poetry or (possibly) high fantasy, but in stories like this it doesn't quite work; it distracts from the flow and makes it appear more amateurish. Simple is usually better and has far more of an impact on the reader :) I was firmly with Gene on this one; screaming "I HATE YOU!", crying and running away doesn't do much to convince people you're mature :D he'd make => he'd made poff => poof Rearrange => rearranging draw => drawer Can't wait to see where Sam's going and what he's going to do when he gets there (again, have a fair idea but I'll keep quiet until I find out if I'm right ;))
JudasFm 2007-11-25 ch 12,	abuseSorry, I owe you a backlog of reviews...I'm working on it ;) In the meantime, thoughts on this chapter: suspects houses - suspects' houses WPC Carlisle - I'm a little puzzled; I thought Casey was part of CID? If so, then her title should be WDC (Woman Detective Constable as opposed to Woman Police Constable) Also on a side note, DC Cartwright should be WDC Cartwright :) walking pass - walking past shrill wails of undernourished cats and children alike - I like this, very descriptive :D his voice just didn't live up to his expectations - Heh, been there ;) Nice one plonks - plonk's (or if you wanted to avoid too many apostrophes, you could try something like "That 'plonk' is called Annie" little choice other than offering them inside - um, did you mean 'inviting'? ;) "Oh 'appy days!" - This made me laugh out loud! I liked the way you build up the tension Casey's feeling about Bolton; it's clear without being rammed down our throats. get's - gets summats - summat His hands, a little shaken - Do you mean his hands were shaking a little? I'm not sure how hands can look shaken (read: frightened and bewildered) ;) I love the ending; I wonder how Gene's going to react to this...? Looking forward to more!
losttimelady 2007-11-24 ch 12,	abuseSo sorry I havent reviewed in a while, I've only just caught up from Chapter 9 to here. But! Ace as always, the plot thickens, and I like it! I love how you really are making Casey into a female Gene, your doing it really realisticly and I like how we get Sam's POV as well as Casy's. Can't wait for more.
sparks733 2007-11-24 ch 12, anon.	abuseOoh... I wonder what's going on between Mark and Casey! Intriguing... great chapter as always! Gene's sudden “’Ow are things going between you and the plonk?” caused a sudden outbreak of the giggles. Well done again! Looking forward to the next chapter
sparks733 2007-11-12 ch 11,	abuseAnother excellent chapter! I thought Gene's confused logic relating to the guilt of Mark and Jerry was excellent - very him. Can't wait for more :D
sparks733 2007-11-05 ch 10,	abuseAmazing chapter! I'm looking forward to seeing how the Gene/Casey relationship develops. Well done!
JudasFm 2007-11-05 ch 6,	abuseAh, so Test Card Girl's made another appearance ;) Great stuff! I could only find a few points in this chapter: Sam Tyler's day rapidly deteriorated => should be 'had rapidly deteriorated', as the day is now over and he's looking back on it good nights kip => good night's kip offender her => offend her that he would have to bare witness to her smug smile => that he would never have to bear witness to her smug smile On to chapter 7!
JudasFm 2007-11-05 ch 5,	abuseHeh, I liked Sam's disorientation ;) almightily => almighty Gladys’s => Gladys "Let me take a look at your eye." => "Let me take a look at your eye," Casey half enquired, half subtly told => I like the way this is done, but I'm not sure about the words. 'Enquiring' is only really used when the person wants information in answer to a question. 'Subtly' is either a delicate or cunning way of going about something; it's not often used when telling someone something. Maybe something like: "Casey half requested, half ordered". Just a thought though :) the slightly swallow skin => Um...did you mean swollen skin? Their grins were huge, lighting up the room as if they were Aurora Borealis => This reads as a little too flowery; maybe something a little simpler: "Their grins were huge, lighting up the room like a spotlight" fair well => farewell I liked the last line in this as well; you know how to keep people hanging! All that aside, this storyline is pure gold. I'm really looking forward to seeing Gene's dilemma with his daughter; is he going to risk gossip by not making lewd remarks about Casey, or is he going to make them towards his own daughter just to avoid people finding out the truth?
JudasFm 2007-11-05 ch 4,	abuseOoh, me likee :D Things are really heating up now...poor Sam! A few notes (I know I'm rushing through this a little, but I'm working off a backlog of owed reviews ;)) Most of these points are very minor though, missing apostrophes and the like :) discrete => discreet staining the once white wall with yellow like teeth => Um. I think I get what you mean, but it reads a little confusingly. I had this image in my head of the smoke staining the white wall with teeth that happened to be yellow ;) I think this is one of the times when an analogy really doesn't work; it might be more effective to say "staining the once white wall yellow." :) his eyes coming in contact with the blonde stood with his back to him making a customer a cup of coffee => There's nothing wrong with this sentence (although you might want to consider dropping in a word like 'who' or 'that' between blonde...stood) except this blonde seems to change sex! Having stated that the blonde stood with his back to Gene, you then go on to say that the blonde spun on her heels ;) this time it looked false in a sort of over-exaggerated actor kind of way => Again, it's fine, but it's quite long-winded. Maybe something along the lines of: this time it looked false, overexaggerated :) "What do you think this is, a blind bloody date?" => like it! minds eye => mind's eye splodges of tomato ketchup now spreading on the fabric, like blood from a gunshot wound => I like this analogy a lot; I can see it perfectly in my mind :D They let go of the others hand, no wanting to cling for too long. Their eyes let go of the others gaze => others - other's; no wanting - not wanting lengthily => lengthy I love the bit about Gene accidentally (or maybe accidentally-on-purpose) letting 'Dorothy' slip ;) Maybe Sam Tyler was more human that her Father was giving him credit? => Maybe Sam Tyler was more human than her father was giving him credit for? Now you've got me curious about what Gene might already have told Casey about our beloved DI ;) go off one a whim => go off on a whim It really did bring a whole new edge to the nature/nurture debate => Yeah, it does, doesn't it? :P Her current employers yelling => Her current employer's yelling With a sickening thud, Sam fell to the ground, dazed and possibly concussed. => I love this ending; it's very neat and leaves me wanting more. One small note though: it seems like Sam went from standing between the two men to dazed and semi-conscious on the floor without anything happening in between :S Then again, this is Sam Tyler we're talking about, so maybe that's not quite so odd after all ;)

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