Reviews for On the Outside

Reviews For: On the Outside - Reviews: Page 1 of 22

randomwriting 2008-09-13 ch 35,	abuseOh my, what a chapter! I loved it, every single bit! Calleigh’s dream turned nightmare - hot kiss and terror; what a mix, and how like her life (or at least what her life must feel like these days). Her stress combined with the lack of sleep has turned her inside out and sent her subconscious into overdrive. So much to speculate and interpret in this one. Some initial thoughts as I attempt to work this out... As the dream begins, Calleigh’s comfortable, warm, and wanting; with Eric, she’s feeling everything she hasn’t felt recently. His feelings for her so apparent, there’s nothing for her to question or doubt. And she’s happy or at least in her dream she believes she’s happier than she’s ever been. What’s interesting is dream Eric’s need to seriously question her happiness, something dream Calleigh finds “strange”. She doesn’t seem to understand why he would need to. Yet real Eric would have every reason to ask, given that he knows how distraught both Calleigh and Jake have been over their break-up, and on some level real Calleigh knows that. Therefore, the question isn’t a “strange” one at all, not if she were to really think about it. “They had all the time in the world.” Nice foreshadowing. "I'll be waiting." Now this is interesting, it’s a statement that opens itself up to different interpretations. She waits, but he never comes, at least not in the way she expects. Did she wait too long? Was it never meant to be? I love the way the mood changed so rapidly from tranquility to terror and how the reader is pulled right along with Calleigh. Now we have dying Eric and panicked Calleigh; he’s trying not to let go and she’s attempting to stem the flow of blood, but to no avail. But what’s most interesting is what she says to him even before she realizes she’s responsible for his death. "I'm sorry, Eric…" - "This wasn't supposed to happen," - and, "You were never supposed to get hurt…" Guilt is her overriding emotion. What is her subconscious trying to tell her? What is she sorry for, and what wasn’t supposed to happen? Could it be that Eric and Calleigh were not supposed to happen as opposed to Eric’s death wasn’t supposed to happen? Then Eric’s, "Cal…watch out…" He’s warning her about Calleigh with the gun, but what is he really warning her? That she’s risking making an even bigger mistake, one that will only hurt her more? “Eric was dying, and she couldn't do a thing to save him.“ “It was fighting a losing battle...” Interesting choice of words; she’s essentially giving up. Now Eric is gone, Calleigh is confused, guilt-ridden and panicked, and suddenly it’s Jake who’s dying. Again you have done a great job of pulling the reader into what Calleigh is feeling and experiencing. “Empty, hopeless, yet hanging on by the thinnest thread.” Such an apt way to describe his voice, so similar to how the real Jake is feeling. And what is very telling is how differently she acts with the dying Jake than she did with the dying Eric. She found her voice to say his name, she touches him tenderly, cradles his head, twines their fingers; guilt is not her overriding emotion here. To Jake, she doesn’t apologize, instead she begs him to “hold on”. The way she reacts to the two deaths is very different. Most interesting is Jake’s desperate need to tell her how he feels before he dies. Somewhere in Calleigh’s subconscious, she wants...needs...to hear these words as much as he needs to say them. If we go back to the previous chap, after Jake left, she was disappointed when she found her locker empty (although she didn’t know why) something she wanted, or maybe on some level, hoped for, wasn’t there. Yet real Calleigh was in no place to hear or believe the words had Jake been able to say them before he left. Even now, she doesn’t know what to make of the words. If she ever reads Jake’s letter, she’s going to realize that essentially Jake gave her what she needed to hear, just as he did in the dream. Just how is she going to deal with that? Can she believe him or have the words come too late? What a dream/nightmare - the telling of it was gripping, really well done. You captured all of Calleigh’s emotions very well. Loved this - “It was a dream that had substantially scared her, more than she would ever admit in six hours time, under the glow of daylight. But now, under the cover of darkness, she had nowhere to hide from such an admission, nor could she hide from the revelations that slowly unraveled from it.” The strong veneer she counts on is slowly breaking apart. “Too tired to resist it, she lifted a shaky hand to her neck, her trembling fingers encircling the cool metal of Jake's medallion. There was another truth she had to face lurking just beneath the surface. As long as she wore the small medallion, she couldn't fully be parted from Jake. For her to truly let go, to fully heal and move forward, she would have to take it off and forget about it.” That was another segment I loved. Such truth there, but will she be able to go through with it? Is that what she really wants or just what she’s telling herself? Something I found interesting about the two deaths is that Eric’s is a symbolic death, one she is now able to equate with the pain she is causing him. The bullets she fired “pierced through Eric's heart.” Excellent job writing Calleigh’s realization of how she’s been hurting Eric. Yet Jake’s death is not viewed similarly. In Calleigh’s mind, Jake has no feelings, therefore Jake can’t hurt. Jake, however, really may die in some alley somewhere, something Calleigh knows and fears, so in that sense, Jake’s death is much more real to her than Eric’s symbolic death. And I think if it were really to happen, it would shatter her. Could that be what Eric was warning her? “And what about the words he struggled so desperately to get out...” And why did they negate her time with Eric? She doesn’t want to lose both or either of them, but it’s important to note that what she stands to lose is different with each, and she knows that. I love that her brother’s words came back to her just when she needed to hear them. Her pain here is so palpable. The ending was well done. Poor Calleigh, feeling that giving in to her need for a sleep aid was a sign of weakness. Her fear of ending up like her parents is likely always lurking somewhere in the back of her mind. My heart just broke for her all the way through this chapter. Overall excellent. From the very first chapter, I have thoroughly enjoyed this intricate and well-woven journey through the hearts and minds of all three characters. Each new layer adds to the overall texture, and each new chapter finds me drawn even deeper into Calleigh journey to discover her heart’s desire.
tyyche 2008-09-13 ch 1,	abusehello, I've been reading this story since the beginning, and I liked it so much I added you to my favourites list. I hope now that you won't mind some constructive criticism? As much as I've enjoyed it, I've started to get a little bored. The pace has slowed to almost a standstill - the last few chapters are all about 'Calleigh moping over Jake, unsure about Eric". I opened this latest one hoping the story would have moved on, but it's more of the same. I appreciate the fact that you've made the effort to flesh Jake out as more than just a plot device to be removed from the path of 'true luv', but in my humble opinion you've swung a bit too far the other way and are dwelling and dwelling on it, creating a noticeable slowdown in the pacing of the story. I'm waiting for something else to happen (anything else - a bomb in the lab, Eric running over Calleigh's foot with a Hummer, lol..whatever)...until then I respectfully don't feel that the last few chapters are adding much to your (wonderful) story. Just a suggestion from someone who's read everything you've written on ...and will enjoy continuing to do so. Best wishes, Tyyche
somethingsdont 2008-09-12 ch 35,	abuseAw, Calleigh. :( First, I was extremely happy about the EC interaction, even if it was just a dream, and then the crazy happened and I was left as confused as Calleigh. It's not as easy getting over a heartbreak as it looks on the outside (see what I did there?), and the progression here is very real. I think everyone knows the fear of picking up up or developing one of their parents' bad habits, and you illustrated that very powerfully at the end. Update soon! :D
elislin 2008-09-12 ch 35,	abusethank you for such an amazing update. i cant wait for more, please update soon :)
Tawizy 2008-09-12 ch 35, anon.	abuseYou know... It's so talented... I almost don't read J/C things, but your products - masterpieces. Not everyone is able so deeply to transfer emotions of several people. I wish to cry every time when I read.
TexasJen 2008-09-12 ch 35,	abuseOh God, these last several chapters leave me with such a feeling of sadness when I read them. I sure hope Calleigh gets past this funk she's in soon, because I need to read some happiness! Okay, seriously, the fact that reading this chapter, and the ones before, leaves me feeling so sad is a testament to how well you write. Not every writer can evoke emotions from the reader, so kudos to you.
calleighsthebest 2008-09-11 ch 35,	abuseThis chapter is truly amazing! Loved it! Please update soon!
lapizlazulijavi 2008-09-11 ch 35,	abuseThat was like..Wow! keep going, the symbolic dream was awesome
Lemon Green 2008-08-31 ch 34,	abuse"The night air was warm, but the gentle breeze felt cool along the skin of Calleigh's bare arms" Are you sure they weren't bear arms? :D Anyway, filler or not, it was good. Sad, but good. You know how to have them both writhing in agony, don't you? And here I was, so excited about the EC interaction...:D
randomwriting 2008-08-29 ch 34,	abuseNot filler, a continuation of the journey. I loved the chapter and think you did a great job with it. It was packed with insight and emotion. "It was reflexive now, the way her hand lifted to her neck as his name crossed her mind. She had no idea how it was possible, but the small medallion seemed to grant her the strength she needed, right when she needed it." Giving her strength just as it had always done for him. Aw... "She refused, however, to admit it was because she missed him. Perhaps more so than before, it was important that she not admit that." Could she be any more stubborn? "Here, in this moment, all she wanted was to go home and curl up in his arms, letting the touch of his fingertips and the sound of his heartbeat lull her into the deep sleep she so desperately needed. She wanted him to kiss her again, without fears of the future or the lies from the past coloring their emotions." (Love that line) "But she couldn't want that. She just couldn't." Calleigh at war with herself; you've done a nice job of depicting her inward struggle and confusion, as well her her resolute determination not to admit what, on some level, her heart knows she wants. "...– she was growing worse and worse at being able to successfully hide those kinds of things from herself." And this probably bothers her more than everything else combined; when she can no longer hide from herself, she's going to have to face the truth and all that that entails. "And she never saw that small envelope, with her name scrawled so carefully along the front, swiftly slip beneath the row of lockers, away and out of sight." How could you?? You're killing me here, lol. "Nothing taken, nothing left behind. And strangely, Calleigh found herself disappointed by that." Not as disappointed as me. If only she hadn't been focused on Natalia... Loved the flashback; love the look back back at their early relationship - the same attraction and playful banter; what's not to love? Loved this line - "The possibility opened the door to a hallway which she was not ready to enter though, so she refused to let herself linger on it for long." "It was that awkward tension that fell around them now, leaving Calleigh so deeply torn – as if she already wasn't torn to the core. Too much was fighting within her; urges and counter-urges making themselves so severely known, almost to the point where Calleigh feared she had no control over her actions." Nice job portraying the tension and getting into her head. "It kept hitting her at the strangest times, the urge to lift a hand to the medallion around her neck." Interesting; wonder what it means? Loved the Speed memory. their pain still rests so close to the surface; nice job with that. Loved everything about the ending; I was hanging on every word. Update soon, please. Someone's going to have to find that letter, and I'm sure hoping it's not the cleaning crew, lol!
somethingsdont 2008-08-29 ch 34,	abuseWhether this was a filler chapter or not, it was excellent! I love when they talk about Speed and Marisol. It's always so heart-wrenching, especially when you write it. The angst! (Psst, I think Eric needs some comfort sex. Oh, and Calleigh, too. How convenient.) --> "Maybe there's a reason," Eric began quietly and cautiously, testing the waters before he really jumped in. He knew his words were overstepping his bounds, but they were tumbling from his lips before he could even really think about reconsidering. "Maybe…maybe it's for the best." Maybe Eric is right! ;) Eagerly awaiting an update!
ElisLin 2008-08-28 ch 34, anon.	abuseYippee!! thank you for the update :) i was missing updates :) i enjoyed this very much, please continue soon. i want more calleigh/jake :)
Adorelo 2008-08-28 ch 34,	abuse"Not even smut, lol." I'm going to take that to mean you're writing some ;) nods Great work with this. Didn't know it was a filler chapter 'til you said it. Very well written, as usual. I caught the tension... loved it.
janet 2008-08-28 ch 34, anon.	abuseAs usual simply the best. I have been waiting (Not so very patiently) for this chapter and you did not disappoint. I am glad that darling Jake has finally vammoosed, can't wait for the next chapter. Thanks again for sharing your incredible talent.
bookworm45 2008-08-04 ch 33,	abuseWow, so well done. So sad. "Last time"...you going to kill off his character?

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