I already commented on this story, but I had to do it again, because it's such a great story! It's very believable, and so sad! I wish Aravis had gotten it...

...Wow.

Dude - i'm voting for you! I found your story via CoN FanFiction Revolution, and i'm so going to go and vote for this story, right now.

This was fantastic. Really, really fantastic. you captured the Calormen manner of speech perfectly. This was a job seriously well done.

I loved it. Good luck in the awards!

Love Bundi

It made me want to cry. You wrote this wonderfully, especially with the Calormene style of writing. I started to fell sorry for the young man at some point, and I began to wish that he managed to escape somehow. It is sad that the letter did not reach Aravis. Great job!

Oh, you made me cry. I felt so sorry for him.

Wow! Very, very, very well written! It shows that things are not always as they seem.

Wow! This story is excellent. Your choice to write in the Calormene style was a good one, gives your readers a glimpse of the customs and attitudes of Aravis's people towards Narnia and Aslan that Lewis hinted at in The Horse And His Boy.
Your use of language was beautiful and this tale was just the right length.
Is this story going to have a sequel, perhaps Aravis's reflections on her brother's life and her coming to terms with his death. Really it's too bad she never got his letter.
I hope you write more stories in this style, you're an awesome writer.

Wow! this is amazing! As Petra said you really captured the Calormene manners and way of speech. It's so sad yet very beutiful. And it fits accurately with the book, which is rare in fanfiction these days.

You've got how the Calormenes talk down to an art! I was called up to clean the kitchen, but I couldn't be pulled away from the story!

Nicely done!

The writing was amazing! I always have trouble writing how the Calormenes talk, but you have it down. Man, I love Corin to death. That boy...

This was awesome. Let me see:

I loved how the third-person narration is simple, almost brutal. It's a great frame ("and they will kill me") for the brilliantly-executed letter. Really good job with the syntax.

There were a few little spelling errors which were slightly distracting. I usually run a last-minute, just-in-case spellcheck.

The phrase "the simple actions of a people cannot truly change a man's heart". So true. It takes Someone much greater.

This is a tragic tale, but somehow you keep hope running through it. Very well done!

::sniff:: Aw. I love it. I have wondered about Aravis' olde brother, and I like your portrayal. :) But so sad! The letter never reached her? :( She never knew he had met Aslan? I hope she found out somehow. Poor Aravis. They must have been close... ::sniffs bravely:: Beautifully done!

Story: 9.25/10. I love the idea behind the story, though I was a little unsure of where it was going at first. I liked the way you ended it.

Characters: 9.25/10. Such a short fic and I already feel that I know the character. Your presentation of the Northerners is also very nice, though I sometimes wonder if you don't make them look too good.

Creativity: 9.75/10. Just the type of creativity that I like to see. There are no other stories in the fandom quite like and it fits in very well with the canon.

Writing: 9.5/10. The style is a little hard to read until you get used to it, but I can't get over how well you've mastered it. I think I noticed one or two typos.

Believability: 9.25/10. Well, he does seem to change his opinions a bit too completely for my tastes, but the way you've portrayed the world just feels so real.

Overall: 9.5/10. Really good story. You've mastered the Calormen style, it is original and fits in well with the Narnian world.

The Calormene style of writing is perfect. I didn't even notice at what point I began to care about Aravis' brother, but by the end, my heart was breaking for him. Beautiful story. Only one small comment: We can understand King Lune speaking in such a formal manner but why would Corin? In the book, Corin speaks just like a regular young boy, not at all like a lord or a prince.

I did like it at first, but then it ended abruptly, and without the letter reaching Aravis. I liked the idea, but wish you would have ended it another way.

This was a treat to read the first time, and even more a treat the second, since it was my reward to myself for getting the baking dishes washed!

As usual, your writing is fluid and highly evocative, and your command of the poetic speech of the Calormenes was delightful. It was quite in keeping with Lewis's depiction of it in HHB, and you carried it out faithfully without making it heavy-handed.

The subject matter was extremely stirring, too; it never fails to delight me what a plethora of characters Lewis has given us to flesh out. He makes so many passing references to all sorts of characters, it's enough to keep a writer busy for years! I especially like it that you made the story told to Aravis a lie, that her brother didn't really die fighting back the rebels but rather somewhere else entirely. It adds to the mystery of it, and I think to the tragedy, too, that they will never know the real story. The sensitivity and the quality of reflection you've given your narrator only increase the poignancy of his words, and the death we know awaits him.

I think I especially like that you tell the reader right at the beginning what will happen; we don't care that much when we first read it, but by the time we reach the end, we're desperate for it to not be true, or at least for the letter to reach Aravis. And really, I do think she was in the story, in her own way; her brother's love and concern for her speaks volumes to the quality of relationship they share.

The one thing that tripped me up was near the beginning. I am not entirely sure that it would be "whence travel you" . . . for some reason my brain keeps trying to stick an auxiliary verb in there to complete it, making it "whence do you travel" or at a stretch "whence travellest thou?" But it's late, and my brain may just be getting malicious on me :P

In any event, this was exquisite; such a lovely, bittersweet piece. I enjoyed it immensely, but then, that comes as no surprise ;)