 Cerion 2008-01-27 . chapter 1Story progressing nicely so far. Although, Gruber/Helga isn't an unusual copuling in 'Allo 'Allo fanfiction, it is angst-tastic, if performed well.
I am a victim of loving this couple to bits, but have insofar not dared write a piece of fiction on it. Cudos to that.
Well spaced, good grammar (is often lacking in fanfiction, for some god-only-knows-why reason) BUT!
Drop the accents, for pity's sake! They bring the story, which is classed as general/romance, down into comedy country. True, the series was originally a comedy (sit-com, more precisely), but I get the feeling this story isn't written with comedy in mind.
The whole accent deal is a common thing in 'Allo 'Allo fiction, even the "serious" stuff. I have never understood why it survives. It only lends to clunky literature. Most, not to say all, people who frequent these pages are 'Allo 'Allo fans to begin with and will most likely hear the actors' voices, complete with comic accent, in their heads as they read. Ergo, to write them out is a waste of effort.
So, apart from that pet-peeve of mine, continue the story, please. |