   SlvrSoleAlchmst1
2007-09-11 . chapter 1Well, the PMs have been giving me trouble as of late, so I hope this review goes through. Also, sorry for taking so long - college has been an almighty ** so far this year and I've been extremely busy. But here's how it works. I'm just gonna review like normal, and then for all three of you I'll do a second read-through and a harsher review from the standpoint of a judge and pick the winner. Make sense?
Aw, all the hot shower talk is making me want to take one!
Haha, you capture Yzak's worry very well. It's really hard to try to act normal in a situation like THAT, where you know something's changed and NOTHING is normal any more, but you feel you have to keep up that front on the surface so the other person can't tell. I wonder if Dearka knows already, though? Maybe not... Poor Yzak should either tell Dearka or get those thoughts entirely out of his head, haha. Because staying stuck in limbo kind of sucks. But that's what makes for the best stories, LOL. :P Yay for sexual tension.
...I love how I get to the next paragraph and the first sentence is about how yes, Dearka HAS noticed. *falls over* I should read a little farther ahead before I start making my comments. I should have figured, though. This is DEARKA we're talking about. He's keen about that sort of thing. And then you factor in Yzak's horrible luck... hahaha, yes, I should have known indeed. XD Good job keeping them in character!
"He had to remove himself from this situation now, before Dearka asked what was wrong with him." BWAHAHA, this is awesome. I feel like we're in some spy movie or something. A walkie talkie crackles. "Mother Bird to X102 Duel - X102 Duel, do you read me? Remove yourself from this situation at once. DO YOU COPY?!" Haha, I can totally see that going on inside Yzak's poor little head right now.
"It was time to talk to Yzak, otherwise the platinum blond would never return to his normal, angry self." AW, THAT IS SO SWEET. Dearka isn't bothered by it at all; he cares so much that he only wants his friend back to himself, even if it means Yzak will start ** at him all the time again. It shows how much Dearka cares! *dramatic sniffle* I love it! I seriously love the determination you've given Dearka.
WHOA holy ** what Yzak kissing Dearka what oh man oh man WHERE did that come from?! 'S kinda hot though. :P
Hahaha, oh wow, this is fast steaming up my dorm room. (Should I tell my roommate to run? She hasn't the slightest idea what slash is...)
Oh GOD. Please, please don't tell me that Athrun was WATCHING them through the intercom the whole time. Hahaha, it's like... live **. Between your two teammates. How... amusing. XD No, I think you just meant that it beeped on and Athrun saw them in the aftermath, lying on the floor, right? LOL, my dirty mind... But including Athrun is pretty funny. I think it's cute how he and Nicol were worried about them. Aw. (I think I've said "aww" way too much in this review.)
Anyway, great story indeed. I'm so glad you've finally written more of these guys! SO GLAD. And I like the release of tension at the end, how the two of them finally just do what they've been wanting to do. Nicely done. |
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