why does your character have a Japanese name, speak with a (I'm sorry to say) pretty poor and stereotypical old English accent?
I mean, I've studied a lot of literature and just adding 'th' or saying 'thee' or other random cliche things you think come from Shakespeare to words or sentences do not make this language from "Canterbury Tales". That idea is, frankly, very amateur
You've got a Sue on your hands my friend:
-More powerful than one person should be
-Taking the attention of a male character without any real development
-connection to nearly all the past characters
-exotic name that doesn't really fit her
-wanted by the dark side/having a dark side
-characters become OOC due to needing to validate your character

annoying author's notes in the middle of reading is really unprofessional and just disruptive

Also, Dragon of Dark? Sorry to say that's not an element

You need to reevaluate your character and this story
Sorry if I sound harsh but its constructive criticism and a basis of the literary world

Please update soon. I really like your story.

It was cool, a couple of problems here and there, like so:

*I thought Dojo went on Shen Gong Wu huntings despite his cold.

*I don't think 'We must get to the Wu,' is classified as slang.

* Jack uses a few words that doesn't suit him. Like "It could be useful for my quest for World Domination". It would be something like: "This bad boy's my ticket to World Domination, baby!"

* If Jack used the Monkey Staff when Ayumi said they weren'y supposed to, wouldn't he be out?

That's all,but besides those glitches, WELL DONE! :D update soon, 'kay?

OMG! THAT WAS GREAT! LOVED IT!

Hm... I wonder what dark past Ayumi has... UPDATE ASAP!

xxFireWarriorxx