Nice one...lolz.
Yeah, thats a cool idea.

Azz

I read your whole story. It was mainly amusing to me, but I didn't laugh for some reason. Maybe my face is tired of smiling...
I saw that you said you have no life... well, I don't either. I'm being forced to have a life, but I just do what I usually do. Hahahaha! Ow...! My arm..

Thank god. We're finally done with that awful diarystyle.

I liked the second bit. The first bit was kind of clunky, for which you no longer have the diary excuse.

Well looky there. Some pretty decent chapters. Frankly, I'm astonished.

So you CAN write good characters! You just choose not to with people like Artemis I.

And now we have random trolls breaking through the floor. Goodie.

Does this girl even HAVE emotion? We saw a tiny bit of it a while back. Now it's gone forever. Poof. Why do I keep torturing myself with this?

...

-sigh-

If I tried explaining everything that was wrong here, I'd use up the alotted review space.

Haha at the hospital gown thing (to which I can relate, much to my chagrin). The lack of description is rather pathetic, though.

Your astoundingly poor execution of (at last) a plot disturbs me.

'Anyway, I'm not here to write about corny movies that make the original book look bad.' As much as I agree fully and completely, I thought she didn't read books. Because she has to be /cool/ and /cool/ people don't read. She's becoming a mouthpiece again.

She's still acting like a mouthpiece instead of a character again. Same thing that's been going on the whole fic, really.

Oh. That plot I thought I saw last chapter was just a red herring. My bad.

But at least it's a subplot, and we actually see some emotion. The sad thing is that this might actually be a pretty good fic if not done in diarystyle/first person.

And the word is ANXIETY. Doubtless you've been told this many times before and yet refuse to change it for some obscure reason.

OMG! (I can feel my brain cells dying from just using that acronym) Is this an actual PLOT I spy?

This chapter was strangely not-terrible. Er, except for the thing with her not finding it strange that she's locked in the trunk of a car and is doing a diary entry instead of panicking. And the bits where you keep throwing in our faces that she's so badass that she drinks underage. God, you really want as to believe she's cool, don't you? You're either trying to live through her, or you're trying to make her what your idea of normal is. I'm betting on the latter, personally. You make her act all gothic bad-girl, but she doesn't think/write/whatever like that...at all. Rethink her character. Please.

Also, this seems minor next to all your other literary sins, but you're rushing things. This might be a side effect of writing diarystyle, but you're spending all the time that should be used on moving the plot along with the Sue's pointless rambling that I couldn't care less about.

And stop using the phrase 'nosy diary readers'. It's getting freakishly annoying.

I'm ba-ack! Aren't you just so LUCKY?

Anyway.

I'd like to register my astonishment at the fact that you've finally managed to bring canon into the story. Kind of. Sort of. Not really. But, hey, take what you can get, right?

Oh, right, you want this in the form of critique, don't you? Uh...lessee...do I really have to spell it out? You REALLY can't see what my problem is? You really, truly, only see insults when you look at my reviews? Either way, I facepalm at you.

The Author's note at the end exactly the same as the last chapter's A/N

This chapter is like an egg salad sandwich. I know there's something incredibly wrong about it. I know more or less what it is. But it's too widespread and subtle to bother, so I'll just say this as a general rule:

You fail at first person. You fail at diary format. You fail at AF fanfiction.

However, you do not fail at writing in general. So...just try something different, because this fic is terrible, even if your writing in general isn't.

Mk, I have to get up early tommorow, so I'm going, but rest assured that I'll be back soon to mock the rest of this fic. It's too fun.

Yours in contempts,
-D