Hello! How are you?
I know it's been a while, but I'd like to know if you're gonna post more chapters ^.^ Your fanfic is really nice!
Please uptade it! ^.^

I hope you update! This is really just too funny-! *starts laughing about the bedsprings again*

I can sense an attraction between Cloud and Kadaj, I know there's no yaoi but(ok I admit, I'd like this to be yaoi^^;;)I know you didn't intend it to be yaoi. However I like your style! I hope you one day will write between these two because I really like the interaction between them. Anyway, I wish you good luck with this story!=D Keep it going!

*falls over laughing* I *gasp* think I'm *gasp* going to *giggle* die laughing. *holds breath* ... *snort* ...*busts out laughing again* Poor Kadaj, that mattress really hates him. XD

I think this story is pretty cool but one of the biggest peeves that I had as soon as I started reading was paragraphing. You've got so many short paragraphs that aren't balanced out very well with any long paragraphs and your story becomes a bit... lacking. Also, give a little more indication to what the characters are thinking or feeling about their situations but not with second person, use descriptive pharases and paragraphs. And don't be blunt. It makes a more dynamic scene in the mind.
The area you definitely didn't fail in was plot and storyline. The sequence isn't as logical as some I've seen but I would have stopped reading if I wasn't interested enough. Bad grammar (espeically spelling and paragraphing) puts a lot of people off but great plot might overcome that. However, you should never rely on the genius of your plot to get good reviews. It works, but then again you won't believe the kind of crap people are content with reading these days. You said in your previous author notes that you look at the details or something like that, so show it in your work. Detail your work a little bit and refine it into decent literature. Then when you look back on it about year or 2 from now you won't say to yourself "Oh my God, what a piece of crap". I already know what that's like.
Of course, like all constructive criticism, these are just suggestions. Whether you take them on board is up to you, don't let me dictate what you do. I assure you that if you become a paid author in the future, the critics will be much harsher than I am.

=D

P.S.: I'm pretty sure the water in the church came from a spring, not the rain.

Awesome story you got there! It truly made me laugh and want more of it. And are you sure this isn't a Yaoi story? The ending sounded slightly like it (why else would Kadaj blush?). If you got another point that coincides with why he blushed and acted the way he did during the end of this chapter, then I'll wait for it. Another reason to stay hooked! ^_~

Can't wait to hear more and please don't rush it. No stories sound great if rushed.

I like the story hope you continue .
Im not very good at review so thats all Im going to say.

I like it. It's a good begining.