I'm glad to see an update and know that this hasn't been dropped! Meeting Penelope was nice. The dialogue between her and Membrane was a bit awkward though. They each had little monologues of their life and that's not exactly normal for conversations. People are usually more hesitant to talk about personal subjects. Anyways, I liked the return home with Danni and the parents. It's nice to see she's growing up. Hopefully she and TJ will talk again soon. I'm looking forward to your next upate!

This chapter was great, just as I knew it would be. Very emotional and dramatic. You have a wonderful way with drama that I could never have. :)

I look forward to reading more, so don't keep me waiting.

Oh wow, a lots already happened in five chapters. I can't wait for you to continue. I love the word kedaver. :) Update soon please!

Yay! I'm glad you updated! Even if TJ wasn't really influence by his parents, he inherited their determination to follow someone else's words. His parents take the Bible as their guide to everything to believe, and he's taking Prof. Hawstein's word as law. Too bad he can't be a bit more independently minded. Danni could use the encouragement. I like how you're writing this and can't wait till you update again soon!

I like this. It's nice seeing some ways that could've caused Membrane to become how he is. I hope you explain why he despises paranormal studies so much. Update soon please!

Ha! That's hilarious! Stuffing librery books in a gym bag that's never been washed!

I take it that woman is Dib and Gaz's Mother. hehe It seems we know where Dib got his obsession with the paranormal from. And why their hair is like that.

Hey, I am just wondering when the next chapter is coming. Soon? I hope so. You are one of my favorite fanfiction writers.

I like this story very much. Most people just do Zim or the tallest but I haven't seen anyone do membranes past. good job :D

Great story there. Don't understand how my review inspired it but... oh well.
Reading this makes me think about how in so many stories and movies the disgruntled son swears that he will never be like his father but ends up anyway(even if they haven't seen each other in years). Oh, the bittersweet irony! I wonder if Professor Membrane or T.J.(whatever it be) realizes how much he became like him. Jeepers. He might begin to hate himself if he realized it.

Typos/Errors

-“Dad I’m leaving and never talking to you again!”- There needs to be a comma after 'Dad'.

-“I hate this place. I hate you!”- I just thought the 'I hate you' part would've had more of a impact if you made a mini-rant of some kind. For example:

"I hate this place. I hate this house. I hate this town. And I hate you!"

Not a good example I know, but I couldn't think of much 'I hate you's to use.

-Of course since T.J. was 7 they had fights over their beliefs. The young Professor Membrane couldn’t see the explanation behind creation and how all these things in the Bible happened like the parting of the Red Sea or how putting mud on someone’s eyes could heal them. It wasn’t scientific. Reverend Membrane however said that you didn’t need an explanation for everything; not everything was logical.-

I just think this should be a seperate paragragh. The paragragh is a bit 'blocky'.

-while T.J’s was in an m shape.- Try "while T.J.'s was in an 'M' shape".

-Professor Membrane’s father’s ears were growing redder- This is a bit of a tounge twister. Maybe simply saying 'his father' would work?

-He would always take her for rides, pick her up from school and stand up for her when kids made fun of her for her hair which looked like Gaz’s only black.- It's a run on sentence. Try:

"He would always take her for rides, pick her up from school, and stand up for her when kids teased her. Her hair looked like Gaz's, only black. This is what she gets teased for.-

Or something like that.

-“Thaddeus...” Maryann Membrane, his mother cried.- It seemed more like she whipsered it due to the lack of an exclaimation point. If you use words like cried, yelled, shouted, exclaimed ect. it's best to use an exclaimation point at the end. Though, if you meant she actully cried and said that quietly, then you should try:

"Thaddeus..." Marrann Membrane, his mother, said as tears ran down her face."

I know it's not a good example.

-“Mommy I’m gonna fail science! The kids’ll make fun of me! Who will drive me to the toy store now? Who will make sand angels with me now? No one! T.J. was nice!” Then the anger that rose up in Membrane women when they were hurt rose she closed her eyes because of it. “ He stopped the ice cream truck and bought me the biggest chocolate cone!” Tears ran down her cheek. “He told me about the cacti and pulled out the spines I had stuck on me!”- Should be:

"Mommy, I'm gonna fail science! The kids'll make fun of me! Who will drive me to the toy store now? Who will make sand angels with me now? No one! T.J. was nice!" Then the anger rose, causing her to close her eyes, which were brimming with tears of frustration. "H-he t-told me about the c-castu and pull out the s-spines I h-had stuck to me!"

It doesn't have to be exact, I kind of played with the words. I added the stutters sence some people stutter when they get very mad or upset. Of course this is some people so you don't have to add that. Also, that part should be seperated from the paragragh. The paragragh is too blocky and someone else talked, there for needs spacing.

-"Well Franklin could help you.” Maryann suggested.- For someone who was crying a very short while ago, this response was quite calm for no given reason. Maybe:

"W-well...," Maryanna drew in a deep breath and bit her lip, trying to calm down. She needed to be strong. "Franklin could h-help you." She suggested finally."

Again, I more or less played with the words for this one.

-And I’m not about to say,” My poor damned son and daughter”!- Instead of "s you should use quote marks like '.

-Martha only talks about boy- Boy should be boys I think.

-let Franklin ride out the 2 years- Saying 'two' instead of '2' would look more professional. The number is a bit distracting, for me anyway.

-The picture looked like a 17 year old Dib and a happy 5 year old Gaz but it was all she had left.- I'm a bit confused. I'm not sure if you actully meant that Gaz and Dib are in the picture of if it's someone that looks like them. If it is really them, Gaz is only one year younger then Dib.

-He yelled and winced as though to be smacked.- Did you mean "He yelled, then winced, as if he expected to be smacked."

-Joshua said repulsed and Danielle cried until she got home where she ran into her room, T.J.’s old one and slammed the door.- Should be:

"Joshua said, repulsed. Damielle cried until sje got home, where she ran into her room, T.J.'s old one and slammed the door.-


There's also a problem with scene changes. I have a very difficult time telling when a scene changes. Heck, I didn't even relise T.J. left the room until way after. Try putting page breaks and such to avoid confusion.

I also can't tell how old T.J. is right now. If it's before Gaz and Dib were born, then you mentioned them a little too much. I don't really like it that you compared the other characters looks to them either, like Danni's hair or that picture that was mentioned earlier. It makes it hard for me to imagine what the characters really look like, cause I can think of is Dib or Gaz with black hair. It's a bit frustrating.

Now, as for what I liked about this story, I like how Membrane had to deal with so much crap just because he doesn't share the same relegion. And how his little sister is the only one he can really talk to anymore. It makes it more...dramatic for lack of a better word. I also like how you explained the weird hair tha the Membrane family has, it was very logical for weird hair.

I think your improving actully, you just need to 'play with your words' more, as a reviewer of mine has said. Also, make sure to see if the paragraghs are too blocky, and if they are, try reading parts and see if they'er actully necessary to keep in the same paragragh.

I know some links that could help you improve. Just tell me if you want them and I'll PM you.

-A crappy reviewer

Okay, this may sound harsh, but I didn't like it.

HOWEVER, I thought a few things were really outstanding. "My poor damned son." The fact that Membrane's (Membrane is his first name, not last) parents were religious. And it's sad how Membrane felt misunderstood by his father, when Dib feels the exact same way.

Anyway, just reviewing because I hate people who don't review! Heh.

That was really sad for Danni. This is good so far.