Reviews for Armor - FanFiction.Net

Reviews For: Armor - Reviews: Page 1 of 2

Rurikredwolf 2007-11-08 ch 8,	abusesorry fer not reviewing, but i WAS reading. wish it was longer, but alas..things have to end. great job, and i am looking forward to another fic!
alleycat1312 2007-11-07 ch 8,	abuseI think that there are a lot of ways you could have ended this besides the ways you entertained. I agree that the one you chose is the best, but I honestly don't think the Samus turning pirate was bad either. It could have been an excellent ending, a very unlooked for ending, but you're right, 'your' Samus wasn't written like that. Of course, you are the one that characterized her. I think that ending could have worked if your Samus had been colder, more sadistic. I've never seen anyone do that convincingly, and I'd love to see it. But, the way it is is best. So, to disect chapter 7. 1. Good lines- I really like the first three paragraphs. Adam's lines are appropriate, and Samus's responses are both amusing and a great insight to her mood. '“You were never meant for such a lowly position...' that line it great. It brings Ridley and Samus to a better understanding. '"No one is innocent..."' that's a good one too, and the end is funny. 2. Bad lines- '“I don’t want this,” she whined.' I would expect Samus to say that but not to whine. I don't like how she whines and then goes "oh, I'll escape". If she said that with some sort of resolution to not give in I'd like it better. '"The door is remote controled, silly little Samus."' It's good to reveal that Ridley was letting her escape, but, since Ridley's been calling her "space cadet" and he's about to tell her that she isn't 'lowly", him calling her silly is out of character. So, 3-2 isn't so bad, is it? ;-) 3. Ending- I like that you gave Adam the last line and that Samus is going to start a "new life". 4. Pacing/Style- Good as always. I think you could have put a little more imagery in with the dialogue, but that's being really picky. 5. Sequel?--You could go either way, but I'd like to see you end this series here and start something new. Maybe develop a different Samus, maybe one that does turn pirate... In closing, job well done and congrats. I wish all the best in your future writing. PS: In regard to your PM--yeah, I can take criticism as well as deal it out. Critics and writers may not always agree, but there must be a dialogue between them. I'm always willing to take advice, and I thank you for yours. >alleycat1312
Reyairia 2007-11-07 ch 7,	abuseI've noticed that the best Samus/Ridley fics are the ones where no actual romance even takes place, but are simple interactions that open up the path to it. Yours obviously fits the spot. :3 While the ending does seem to be a bit on the loose side and leaves me wanting more (whether that is a good or bad thing is up to you :P), I'm relieved that you didn't choose either of your first and second endings and while they would tie the story to a knot better than the final, the first one takes a step too far and the second a step back if you get what I mean... or not. I'd like to see you write a fic (maybe not based on Armor, or an alternative sequel to The Dragon and The Hunter) where Samus and Ridley meet without having to depend on each other to survive like you've done it. Yes, that's a challenge if you're wondering. :P I hope I can expect more from you in the future. :)
ngrey651 2007-11-07 ch 8,	abuseCongratulations. You've done a very great job. I hope Ridley gets in to SSBB as well. Out of curiosity, do you plan on making a sequal to THIS fanfic?
alleycat1312 2007-11-04 ch 6,	abuseWell, this didn't quite feel like a final chapter, but I liked it. Yes, there are errors, but they are very minor. From your forewarning, I was expecting some major blunders, but there weren't any. As, I've said before, I like your style and word choice. The only actual writing I didn't like in these last few chapters were in this last chapter. So Samus falls through the earth and Ridley saves her. I think you should have written some character thoughts or dialogue to acknowledge that. A, awkward thank you, a "where are we" "how do we get to the controls from here?". Something. Like when you used Weavel before, everything was too quick. He slips away, then he's back. Also, a description of the room that the fight took place in would be nice too. Uh, the beginning of the fight...choppy, awkward, lacking flow. "Ridley still sensed him, and turned to breathe a concentrated blast of fire. Weavel leapt, avoiding the attack, gravity pulling him down." This just isn't up to par with the rest of your story. How about something like--"Bent down to the keyboard, his dragon fingers struggling to type High Command a message, Ridley felt a tingle down his spine. Someone was coming, years of experience told him so. He paused. Samus looked up at him, her eyes displaying the same thought. Without hesitation, Ridley concentrated a blast of fire down the hallway...ect ect." It's a longer, better intro to the battle. Oh yeah, in the previous chapter, I love the part where Samus puts the colar on Ridley. Her comment about the second time feeling just as good was great. It made me laugh. You'll notice that I'm being quite critical with your writing here. I wouldn't be if I didn't like it. I think this is good stuff. Definitely some of the better Metroid fanfiction. Keep writing. I said earlier that I didn't quite feel like this is the end. Is Samus really going to be his pet? We'll see what you come up with in the epilogue. >alleycat1312
Forumsurfer 2007-10-31 ch 1, anon.	abuseNice chapter... and Ridleys survived way worse things then blood loss! RIDLEY FOR BRAWL
Reyairia 2007-10-30 ch 6,	abuseHow Ridley currently isn't dying of blood loss is a mystery for me, but I can live with it. :P I love the ending, btw, it's definitely original. I'd like to see how their relationship goes from there. xD
Noki 2007-10-23 ch 4, anon.	abuseEh? No update today? Poo. :(
alleycat1312 2007-10-19 ch 3,	abuseAlright, I found some spelling errors--dieing=dying, personal=personel. Your grammar is sound. I really liked the style you developed in ch.2-- your descriptions of Ridley and his gestures, especially his tail, are wonderful imagery. Keep it up. The dialogue in this chapter was as good as the last. Don't be so ** yourself. Two criticisims-- 1. I like your use of Adam, but by now the reader knows that he's in/controlled by Samus's mind. You don't need to keep repeating this idea. It's good that you remind us every now and then, but you don't need to everytime he appears. 2. What happened at the end here? The pacing was good and then bam! Weavel wants a betrayal and kills Cassius. You could have better described Weavel's room and Cassius's entrance(or lack of) and lengthened the dialogue. It was just all too fast. There you go. Happy typing to ya!
Reyairia 2007-10-17 ch 4,	abuseQuite funny, considering that dragons consider it an incredible insult and a humiliation to be ridden like a domesticated animal. Keep up the good work!
Forumsurfer 2007-10-16 ch 4, anon.	abuseHuh! Weavel has more power then I thought.
Forumsurfer 2007-10-10 ch 1, anon.	abuseARGH SONIC! I am indifferent about his inclusion. His games have gone down the gutter lately but I am also spoiled a little by his old games. I dont know if you read these reviews but notice in the new non-sonic trailer on the site, theres a new looking stage there. Its in the part where Wario attacks that fire pokemon. At first I thought it was the underground castle but then I saw the bubbly stuff from brinstar in Melee. Could that be Norfair? Ridleys hangout in Metroid and SM? It definently doesnt look like the Brinstar in Melee, with those huge spiked caves.
Forumsurfer 2007-10-09 ch 3, anon.	abuseI loved Weavel and his Battlehammer but Ridley is alot cooler. Great chapter!
Rurikredwolf 2007-10-03 ch 2,	abusethe Ridley music is in Brawl...but it would be just stupid NOT to have him to go along with it. i really hope that they do have Ridley, since he is my favorite charater in Metroid and 2nd charater in all. (Dante from DMC beats him by a small margin)
mastersmith 2007-10-03 ch 2,	abuseThis is an interesting story. It's one of thos stories that gets me thinking about what might be in the next chapter.

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