while i dont know if riddick would be this warm for real during his childhood, you write his personality very well, and somehow make this unlikely scenerio plausible. very enjoyable, very fluffy.
the beginning of this chapter was a tiny bit hard to follow, but only because i pick up on what was going on. however it got much better. good writing style, although riddick is overly affectionate sometimes. that's alright, though.

lovely story. keep it up!

Great chapter!

KrisEleven~

"Abe's eyebrows were scrunched together in concentration as she stared Riddick dead in the eyes. His light blue eyes stared back into hers unwaveringly." You said his eyes were green in the first chapter.

"Riddick wondered at times whether or not he would still be alive or what his life would've been if Abe hadn't stumbled into his life." You used life twice. It makes it weird to read when the same word is used again too soon.

Good chapter! This story is really interesting and Abe is so cute. I really like your Riddick.

KrisEleven~

Great summary- Well written and to the point. It really made me want to read the fic.

This is very well written, and the descriptions are awesome. Saying it was cold 'for November' was weird though, because they're on a different planet than Earth, so the seasons, year length, etc would be different. Something like 'it was cold for this time of year', or 'it was cold for a planet so close to its sun',or whatever, would have kept it in the mood more.

"When he had finally grown tired of the plain walls and strict women, he’d made a quick escape for the outside world. It had not been nearly as hard as he had first though, but Riddick had soon learned that the escapement had been the easy part." I think you probably used 'escapement' so that 'escape' was not used twice in a paragraph. (If you did- kudos!) But they're still similar enough to make it awkward.

"To Riddick's relief it was neither a cop or adult that had questioned his methods. Instead it was a young blond headed girl..." It should be 'nor an', but if you used 'or an' it would flow better. And there should be a comma after 'instead'.

The structure of your sentences and dialogue was perfect- and I really loved a few of your sentences and descriptions. Riddick seems IC, even though he's obviously different than the canon and Abe is adorable.

KrisEleven~

Keep going! its REALLY GOOD. You've got a nack for writing, Alittle more warm to people than i remembered but so far GREAT keep updating and ill keep reading!

o! I lOve this! uPdAte son!

Wahey! An update!

Glad to see the story continuing. Like the last person who reviewed said there are far fewer errors which lets the story flow better. I'm eagerly waiting for the next chapter. :)

Oh, I don't know if you have a Beta or not, but if you'd like one I'd be more than willing. :)

Can I just say I love this story and I'm so happy that you updated! And, would be even more thrilled and happy if you decided to update again soon like this wknd... lol

But, I just the friendship/realtionship between Abe/Riddick it's so refeshing to read plus your rocks!

You want reviews, have a review, have lots, just keep writing :P
I wanna read more, I forbid you to leave the story there (lol) I like your style, young Riddick, believable and understandable, keep writing..please, please, please...

The rewrite is a definite improvement and the spelling errors are WAY down from the first post (I think I only found a couple this time - "...paying the cheering kids closet to them." Closest, not closet ;o) And, um, "Reviews are like" _heroin_...

On the subject of reviews... please believe that as a fellow writer I understand the desire for reviews, but I hope you won't punish those of us who ARE enjoying and reviewing for the sake of those that aren't. There's a downside to holding your story hostage too. You may find yourself wondering if the reader really meant what they said. Write first for yourself, then the reviews are icing, and you'll also know you EARNED every single one because they will be genuine, not forced.

Keep working... I'm looking forward the rewrites, and even more so to the new material that will follow (right?)- this is a story worth finishing.

This seems to be like a cute story in the begining.. Just don't kill Abe! I really like her and anytime I like someone in a story they get killed maimed or something...

I loved the first two chapters very much great detail and emtions in them. I love "little" Riddick... hehe
But, I can't help but feel it's the calm before the storm.

Update soon!

this is starting to sound pretty good. keep up the good work. update soon!

It's too bad it's on hiatus. I've really enjoyed reading the chapters you've put out so far, and I'm super curious to see where you take this.

As the previous poster mentioned, there are a few spelling errors throughout, but otherwise it's really well written. I think the Riddick you're portraying is a very believable teen, and so far I'm enjoying his side-kick Abe.

Can't wait until the hiatus is over!

Very promising. I like how he sounds like Riddick already, but not as hard yet. Abe is a fun character, and it's sad to see her inevitable growing up.
If I had one (or two) suggestions, it would be read it out loud to yourself once before posting, a few sentences sounded rough and proof read for "spelling" errors: EXAMPLE: "...she found herself flying threw the air..." - it would be 'through' instead of 'threw' - that sort of thing.
Otherwise I think this is a great story so far. You have well defined characters and have set up a plausible situation. I look forward to seeing where you take it.

Cute!! I like this story, & about how it deals with Riddick when he's younger.